Ruined (The Eternal Balance #1)(68)
I was so much taller than Sam. Six foot five to her five foot four. She rose onto her toes, pulling my head down the rest of the way, and brushed her lips to mine. The touch was soft. Warm. Electric. Not at all like the kiss at the club, or the one in her apartment. This was different. Needy, yeah, but so much more than that. It was full of the one thing I didn’t deserve. That I’d never deserve.
Love.
The emotion overwhelmed me, at first in a good way. Sam loved me despite who I was. What I was. It was amazing. And terrifying. And excruciatingly painful. In my head, Azirak writhed and squirmed, unable to hold back any longer. It flashed images of red and black. Of dead things and pain. I pulled back and pushed Sam toward the bed. She stumbled, thankfully landing on the edge of the hard hotel mattress instead of the floor.
“Stay the f*ck away from me,” I cursed. I couldn’t have her so close. Not with all the dark, horrible things swimming around in my head. Backing toward the door, I closed my eyes and held my breath. Every part of me was on fire, limbs shaking and ready to snap. I had to get out of that room. Away from her. Into the fresh air. “I have to—”
A shudder. Then, a flash of light and sharp pain. I felt the shift but couldn’t do a thing to stop it.
“Jax,” I heard Sam say. She was standing in front of me, but when I tried to reach for her, my limbs wouldn’t obey.
Neither would my lips.
“Samantha Merrick,” my voice said, my own mouth betraying me. “I must feed.”
Sam slid off the bed and took a step toward closer. A tuft of gray rose from her shoulders, but with the demon in control, it looked different. The color was sharper and the smell… The smell was nearly as enticing as the sway of her hips and the way her shirt pulled to the left as she bent forward. I wanted to yank her close, but at the same time push her away.
“Feed from me,” she said, grabbing my hand.
I opened my mouth to yell, but of course no sound came. Still, I could feel it all. The warmth of her skin. The erratic drum of her heart. And f*ck me, but it felt good. There was no ache. Just the blissful feel of skin against skin.
My body reacted to her nearness, every inch of me coming alive and humming in anticipation. Even though I wasn’t in control, I felt every euphoric, frustrating moment. Felt it in 3-D, even. Every sensation was amped with the demon in the driver’s seat.
“I propose a trade,” she said, this time bolder. “Feed from me in exchange for information.”
Azirak was intrigued. “What kind of information do you seek?”
“This war—I need to know more about it.”
The demon tensed, and I was horrified, worried it might lash out at Sam. But it didn’t. Instead, it said, “And how will you feed me? Will you truly be able to work up enough fear of this form to satisfy my hunger?”
She thought about it for a moment before shaking her head. “I’m not sure. Probably not. But Jax said something. That when we were…close…it drove you crazy. You wanted to feed.”
“You speak of lust?”
“I guess so.”
No!
“And you can feel that way? Knowing it’s me you cavort with and not him?” I was hard.
Sam smiled. It was an odd kind of grin that made me feel at ease somehow. “I want him. I guess I’ve always wanted him. And he’s in there. Even though it’s you I’m talking to, I can see the spark in his eyes. He’s not gone. If this is the only way I can have him, and it tells us what we need to know, then so be it. But make no mistake, it’s him. It’s always him.”
Azirak paused, considering her offer. I pushed to regain control, but it was pointless. I’d waited too long to feed the demon, and it wasn’t going back in its box until it had its fill. Of her. “His feelings for you are intoxicating. I will admit you are sweet. A delicacy I could savor. I would be curious to taste you. To try to understand the allure you hold for him. And for me.”
“Please,” she begged, and I knew then if it was me in control, I would have caved at that very moment. The curve of her lip and delicate slope of her neck… The sound of her voice was like a beacon, and I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. The spike of desire I felt was twofold. I’d give anything to be with her, but Azirak would, too.
The demon stepped close to Sam, running my hand across her cheek. She shuddered, looking into my eyes. Me. She was looking for me. “What do you wish to know?”
“His brother told us one side needed to spill the blood of the other to be free.”
Please don’t do this…
“And Heckle said we couldn’t let it happen under any circumstances.”
My agony echoed into dead space. If Azirak heard, it was choosing to ignore it. The thought of it alone was enough to kill me. The idea of her with the demon. My hands running over her body under the monster’s control. Hands that had spilled so much blood taking what I could never have…
“I want to know,” Sam said, squaring her shoulders. “What happens if blood is spilled?”
“We are trapped,” Azirak replied. It laid my hands on either side of Sam’s neck. The quickened throbbing of her pulse was like a jackhammer beneath my touch. Azirak shivered internally, and after a moment, ran my hands downward. Over her shoulders, over both arms, finally letting them rest on either side of her hips. “The army of one thousand—five hundred of mine. Five hundred of his. Zenak’s. Demons. Forced to live in human bodies. We are little more than dogs on leashes. What you humans refer to as neutered.”