Ruined (The Eternal Balance #1)(76)
She let slip that Sam was out of town for a few days and would return for the funeral, but I knew the truth. Sam was with Chase. A hostage. Subject to God knew what. Each time it crossed my mind—which was almost every moment of the day—Azirak flashed images of destruction. Lapses in self-control had been the death of several pieces of Rick’s furniture, fostered multiple holes in the walls, and caused the loss of nearly every dish in the house.
No matter how violent the emotion was I fed it, Azirak stayed restless, sending random images that ranged from childhood flashbacks, to Sam’s face surrounded by swirls of color. Being with Sam essentially starved the demon and caused us both pain, yet we wanted her. Needed her. For the first time, the demon took on the role of ally, not enemy.
I’d dressed for the funeral, the silence in the house nearly as crushing as the weight settling over my heart. I wasn’t ready for good-bye. Not to Sam. And not to Rick.
The wind kicked up, the chilly November breeze biting at bare flesh. I stood with the small group of people beside Rick’s open grave, wearing one of his black suits. On my feet were my everyday shitkickers, knowing Rick would forgive it. He’d hated dress shoes. This was my way of paying tribute.
Sam stood on my right side, between Chase and me. Azirak smelled the pain and fear radiating from her in steady waves, taking small, negligible amounts as I slipped my hand into hers. As expected, her fingers didn’t move, but her colors evened out. The ribbons around her head got just a little less gray.
There were only a few other faces in the crowd I knew. Kelly sat in the front row, on the end. The dark glasses she wore might hide her swollen eyes, but the subtle shaking of her shoulders as the deep blue lingered, and the way she fisted the tissue until her knuckles paled, made me regret the years of animosity.
There were others, too. Several of the guys from Rick’s bowling league. Chip Mansen, an old friend from his construction days. Even Tim Henson from the post office.
The priest droned on and on about the how he was a pillar of the community and how charitable Rick Flynn was and how sorely he would be missed. A few minutes into the speech, I tuned him out. I’d made peace with his passing. This was fluff to soothe the masses. Dead was dead. It didn’t matter what Rick had done—or hadn’t done—in life. He wouldn’t care that his body had been laid to rest under the shade of a large dogwood tree. The mahogany casket with deep-blue silk lining. The sharp suit. They were all tools to take the sting away from the living.
The priest finished and one by one, people paid their last respects. Kelly kissed Sam’s cheek, then leaned in close to hug Chase. Before she walked away, she wrapped her arms around me, as well.
“He was a good man,” Chase said once we were alone. My brother’s eyes met mine and I was struck by the regret he saw there. “I know you hate me for this, Jax, and that’s fine. In fact, it’s better than fine. It’s easy. You and me, we never got a choice in all this. We were born into this world as pawns. Just all there is to it.”
“Not interested in bullshitting with you. What’s next?”
Chase sighed. “Meet me at that place we used to go to as kids. Two hours. I can’t—I don’t want to put this off any more.”
He was referring to the fort we’d built in the acreage behind Rick’s house when we were younger. Nothing more than a clearing in the thick of a bunch of trees surrounded by several car-sized boulders, the three of us had played there as children. I hadn’t been back to it since the night he’d left. It’s where Sam and I had first kissed. The same place everything had started to unravel.
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak, and watched as Chase led Sam away. She looked back once, and powerful emotions hit me hard. Fear, yes, but also love. She didn’t blame me for any of this.
And that hurt almost as much as losing Rick.
I had no intention of being a sacrificial lamb. For starters, the demon would never allow it. If push came to shove, Azirak would take over and fight back. If that happened, it might kill Chase—and that would kill Sam. Not an option. I needed a plan to ensure we both survived and that the link between Chase and Sam was dampened. My only hope was Sadie Gray. With just over an hour left, I stood on her doorstep, ready to offer the world on a silver f*cking platter if there was any way to save the girl I loved.
“Well, well, well. Can’t say I’m surprised,” Sadie said with a wink. This time she was wearing skintight leather pants and a bustier that left little to the imagination. Her hair, like before, hung wild, and smelled of jasmine. She stepped aside and motioned for me to come inside. “Most men can’t stay away.”
“I could have,” I said, meeting her gaze.
Sadie wasn’t a woman who intimidated easily. “That so?” She shrugged and said, “Yet here you are. I’m still not parting with my midnight stone for less than the agreed-upon price, if that’s what you’re after.”
“Do you remember the girl I was here with last time? Sam?”
She rolled her eyes and faked a yawn. “How could I forget? Little Miss Stick-Up-the-Ass?”
Heckle told me there was no way to fix this, but I had to try anyway. “She’s tied to a demon. A Tainted, like me. I need to break the link.”
The sound of her laughter was a cross between delicate chimes and a razor scraping metal. “Sorry, baby. Unless the demon has an attack of conscience and lets her go, or you off the big bad, which I’m sure you know offs the linked, Suzy Q is as good as a corpse.”