Rescue Me(45)

"Sure," she said. "Where to?"

"There's this new dance club that just opened downtown. We thought it would be fun to check it out."

Maybe she should cop out. All she needed was to go dancing and be reminded of what she was missing in Sunset Bay. But would that be any worse than sitting home alone?

She nodded and told her she'd be done in an hour. She tried to finish the job at hand and actually got a few things accomplished. She decided as she was putting up her files that she would check her email. She hadn't heard from Brandon in two weeks and wondered if it would have to be her that broke the ice. She was surprised he'd listened to her and not tried to call.

A message from Katrina was waiting for her and the first real smile in a long while broke across her face as she read it.

The dance classes seemed to be going great, and a buzz was starting to gather around the resort. They had more bookings than they'd had all year, and Katrina's classes were full. At the end of the email Katrina gave her a short update on her personal life, poking fun that there wasn't much of it to tell, and that Cole had been by a few times to help out with classes and the ballroom sessions at the club.

Cole.

He was still at the resort. Meredith was certain he would have left for his new assignment already. What was he still doing there?

Unable to bury her curiosity, she picked up her phone and texted Katrina.

What is Cole doing at the resort?

It wasn't a minute later that Katrina texted back.

He took the job from Brandon. He's not reenlisting.

Meredith sat back in her chair, not sure what to make of the news. He'd been pretty set on taking the new job, or that's what she'd gathered. What had changed?

Debating whether she should say anything else or let it drop, she gave in and replied, her thumbs flying across the screen.

Did he say why?

She waited impatiently for an answer.

Just that he was tired of the direction he was headed and wanted to follow his heart.

Follow his heart. What did that mean? She knew she was reading too much into it, but this was the first conversation she'd had with anyone about Cole since the night he'd walked out of her room and she couldn't resist trying to find out more. The mere mention of him had her heart racing.

She dropped her phone into her purse, unsure how to respond to that. Maybe when she was in a better place she could talk to Katrina about what had happened, try to get some kind of closure. She wasn't there yet.

Taking off her jacket, she left it at her desk and headed to the restroom to freshen up before they went out. Her skirt and silk blouse would be fine for dancing. It wasn't like she was trying to impress anyone anyway. She didn't have the slightest desire to pick up a man. And didn't think she would for a long time. If ever. That was almost as depressing a prospect as her job.

Less than an hour later she entered the new club with Lisa and a couple women she'd worked with before her promotion. The music was loud. Good. Less talking. The girls looked at her in surprise when she grabbed them and headed straight for the dance floor. She hadn't let herself dance much whenever they'd gone out before. She'd thought it would be too hard, but now she found that she didn't think she could live without some form of dance in her life, even if it was a far cry from what she really wanted.

A few men approached her on the dance floor, but she waved them away. Not interested. She was just starting to let loose, smiling for real this time, when the song changed and the DJ put on the song she and Cole had danced to in their first ballroom practice.

She couldn't handle it. Excusing herself, she ran to the restroom and was shocked by the haunted face that stared back at her in the mirror. She looked terrible. Why had no one told her? But what did she expect? They weren't going to say, Gee, Mere, you look like hell.

But she did. Her cheeks and eyes looked hollow and the fact that she'd been unable to eat much was starting to show. Not in a good way.

Choking back a sob, she ran out of the restroom and made an excuse to one of the women and went straight back to her apartment. Apparently being miserable at home alone actually was preferable to being miserable in public. At least at home she could hide under her pillow and wish her life had led her somewhere else.

***





"Great job, everybody," Cole called out to the family of four with whom he was finishing his last surfing lesson of the day.

They all thanked him and went on their way, heading to dinner or wherever their night would take them. As soon as they were out of sight, he let his smile drop. God, that was exhausting. He never realized what an effort it took to be happy. If you weren't.

He wasn't just unhappy. He was wallowing. He had to break out of this funk, but he didn't know how. He watched as the father and mother of the family wrapped their arms around each other and strolled lazily along the beach while their two kids ran into the surf in front of them. What was that like? To be so comfortable with someone and devote your lives to each other? To have little miniature versions of yourselves to love?

He'd never know. That was one thing the past month had taught him. Meredith had gotten under his skin deeper than he'd realized. Whenever he saw a couple, he imagined what it would have been like if things had gone differently for them.

It was surprising. He'd thought that as more time passed, the pain would hurt less, but it seemed to be the opposite. She was invading his every waking moment, filling his mind with what ifs.