Rescue Me(50)

But then he realized, he had been the one to walk out on her. It felt like he'd taken a knife to the heart when she'd said all they had was just sex. But wasn't that what he'd insisted on it being? What if they could have more? He didn't know if she would even want more.

Was it worth putting his heart on the line to find out? That's what he had to decide.

A bit after sunset he walked on the beach, letting his feet sink into the wet sand where the ocean met the shore. He stared out at the water, just as he'd done all day, and realized he was nearly at the same spot where he and Meredith had walked that first fateful night.

"I thought I might find you here." Her voice floated over the lapping waves, drawing his attention up the beach.

He turned slowly, watching her walk toward him. She wore a long black sun dress that skimmed her feet, carrying her sandals in her hand. He stared at her, silently willing her to say something else. To prove she wasn't a magnificent figment of his imagination.

"We need to talk." She was matter of fact. So sure of whatever she had to say that it couldn't be good. His heart sank.

He inhaled sharply, walking up to meet her and stopping three feet away. The moonlight shone on her creamy skin and glinted off her dark hair so that it appeared almost blue. He wanted to burn the image into his memory so he could always picture her like this.

"I guess we do."

"We're going to be working in close proximity, probably even having to dance together at some point, so I have something I need to say."

"Would that be so terrible?" He couldn't stop himself from asking.

She looked taken aback by the question. What was going on in that head of hers?

"It doesn't have to be, I suppose," she said, uncertainty shining in her bright eyes. "Not if we clear the air."

That again. She loved to clear the air. He sighed and looked off into the distance to where a bonfire was burning near the main buildings.

"Let's hear it then."

She wrapped her arms around her stomach when he spoke. He hadn't intended to sound so clipped, but all he wanted to do was strip her down and have his way with her under the stars and that seemed to be slipping further from his grasp with every passing second.

"I guess I owe you an apology." That wasn't what he'd expected. She rushed ahead as if she had to get it all out at once. "I told you from the beginning that I didn't need any promises from you. We had a deal, and I went into it with my eyes wide open." She faltered and Cole wanted to break in and stop her from saying something he didn't want to hear, but he let her have her say. "If we're going to be running into each other all the time, you need to know that I don't have any expectations from you. I heard loud and clear that you were only in it for the sex."

Cole cleared his throat, unable to follow what she was trying to tell him. "That's because you said it." Because that's all it had been for her.

"Well, yes." She stumbled over the words. "That's all you wanted."

"It was," he murmured, distracted by her bright eyes as he thought about how she had completely changed everything he thought he wanted.

"Okay. Well. That's it. I just want you to know that you're free to live your life and not worry about me." She turned to leave, and he would have let her go if something about her choice of words wasn't nagging at his brain.

"Meredith, wait." He stepped forward and grabbed her wrist, feeling her pulse beat erratically under his fingers. She stopped but didn't look at him, so he leaned down to her eye level and was shocked to find them glistening with tears. It brought him back to that afternoon in the grotto when she'd so fully let go with him. When they'd reached a level of intimacy Cole had never experienced. He shook his head. Something wasn't adding up.

"Mere, what you said. That it was all I wanted. What about you? What did you want?" His breath became shallow as he waited for her to answer him.

She looked away, blinking furiously. "It doesn't matter. I don't expect anything from you."

"That's not what I asked. I need to know, because when I came to your room that night, I had plenty of expectations."

Her eyes snapped up to his and he saw everything he needed to know. The familiar desire and passion were there, but a yearning glimmer of hope was too.

He wrapped his fingers around her other wrist. "And not just for another night together." Fear rose one last time in his chest, but the depth of emotion swirling within her was written all over her face, and he put his past behind him once and for all and readied himself to lay it all on the line.

***





If the raw feelings surging through her body didn't kill her, Meredith thought the agony of waiting for Cole to speak again would surely do the job. Anxiety over having her hopes crushed mixed with an all-consuming tenderness toward him. She wanted nothing more than for him to take her in his arms and whisper the words she longed to hear.

He released her hands and wrapped one arm around her waist, the other reaching up to cup her chin. She allowed herself to indulge in the moment and closed her eyes as he stroked her cheek.

"Baby, you've got to tell me," he said. But she couldn't speak, so she just stared at him, for once not hiding anything, letting every bit of her love shine through.