Renegade (The Elysium Chronicles #1)(23)

The Guard and Mother talk throughout dinner and don’t seem to even notice I’m there. But every once in a while, the Guard includes me in the conversation. Father watches me for a while and I give him a brief smile and touch a finger to the pendant. He takes a deep breath and smiles back. I wonder if I should ask him for help with Gavin. But his smile falls when he looks at the Guard, which makes me uneasy. They have not told me the purpose of this formal dinner yet. It can’t be anything good. But while the Guard has everyone distracted, I’m able to start secreting as much nonperishable food as I can into my handbag. When I’ve stuffed as much food as I can into it, I place it back by my feet and then sit up.

Everyone is staring at me.

Uh-oh. I pat a napkin to my face, though I haven’t eaten anything. “Is there something on my face?”

Mother smiles at me. “No. I asked you how you felt.”

“About what?”

Father lets out an exasperated huff of breath, but Mother only keeps smiling. There’s a ferocity to it now. Like a cat playing with a mouse.

“Poor, ditzy girl,” she says. “The conversation was too much for you, wasn’t it?”

The Guard stiffens, but obviously knows better than to say anything. White, hot anger rushes through me in a bolt. Mother knows exactly why I can’t concentrate. She makes sure of it, and still she lets everyone think I’m stupid. I wonder how many times has she said things like that that I can’t even remember. My nails dig into my palms out of sight in my lap, but above the table, I only smile as if the insult has passed over my head. “Yes, Mother. I’m afraid I started to daydream about my gardens. They’re so pretty at this time of year.”

“Yes, they are.” The Guard turns and offers me a smile. “Mother was kind enough to walk with me through them while you were getting ready.”

“He will need to know them intimately if he wishes to protect you,” Mother says.

I smile at him, ignoring her. “Oh. Are you one of my new Guards?”

Mother’s smile seems frozen to her face. “No. That is what we were just discussing. He is one of your Suitors.”

“Oh, I beg your pardon, sir,” I say, shooting a glance toward Father. He only gives a slight shake of his head. “I was unaware.” I turn back to smile at the young Guard, who blushes and smiles back.

Interesting. I don’t remember him as my Suitor, but then again, they come and go so often it’s hard to keep them straight in my head. Whenever Mother determines they are unsuitable, they stop coming.

I take the rest of dinner to study this new Guard. He’s similar in build to Gavin, but with lighter hair and, of course, blue eyes. He’s polite and makes an effort to include me in the conversation. He seems sweet.

After dinner, he bids Mother and Father farewell, then takes my hand and kisses the back of it. I stifle a gasp, shooting a quick look toward Mother, but she only smiles.

“Good night, Miss Evelyn. I look forward to our coupling,” he says.

I gape after him, twisting the strap of my handbag in my fingers. Coupling? The Guard is the one chosen to couple with me? “Mother?”

She pats my shoulder. “You seemed to have trouble choosing. I was only trying to make it easier for you.”

At this new betrayal, Gavin’s advice to act normal flies out of my head. “I know, but … a Guard? Guards aren’t exactly known for their brains. I don’t want unintelligent children,” I say carefully, remembering myself at the last second.

“This one is different. He shows … potential. You’re three months past your sixteenth birthday. You need to choose.”

“But I have plenty of time to find a more acceptable match.” My heartbeat booms in my ears and I find it hard to swallow past the lump forming in my throat. It’s supposed to be my choice who I couple with. Why is she doing this?

“Most girls your age have already found the man they want to couple with. They are already doing their duty and producing quality children. As Daughter of the People you have an even greater responsibility. You must set an example. You must do your duty.” She presses her fingers to her temples and sighs. “It’s my fault. I’ve spoiled you. Because of your condition, I’ve indulged you with your gardens. Your violin. Even your disturbing curiosity about the Surface. You’ve forgotten your duty and I need to correct that.”

No. Please no. Don’t do this.

“I’ve not forgotten,” I say.

She goes on as if she hasn’t even heard me. “It’s my responsibility as Governess to ensure my daughter couples appropriately. I won’t live forever, Evelyn, and neither will you. I need to make sure there is an acceptable heir.”

“But, Mother—”

Her face hardens. “I will hear no more excuses on this matter. You’ve rejected every Suitor I’ve handpicked for you. Either choose a Suitor yourself or end up with the Guard, but you will do your duty for our people.” She turns on her heel and walks out the door.

I turn toward Father, who has stood up from the table but is otherwise exactly where he was. “Father?” I ask.

He closes his eyes and sighs. When he opens them again, he won’t meet my eyes and instead stares at the pendant. “I’ve done all I can to help you. It’s worth more than my life if I help you anymore.” He looks into my eyes for a moment, before he, too, walks out the door.