Renegade (The Elysium Chronicles #1)(24)

I stare after him. It isn’t that I don’t want to couple. I do. I’ve felt the pull as much as anyone. It’s that I don’t want to couple with the Guard. Or the other Suitors I can’t even really remember. I want to find someone I’ll be happy with. Someone I can talk to easily. Someone funny. Someone who makes me feel something.

Someone like Gavin, I have to admit as I turn and walk slowly to the stairs that lead to my gardens. Someone I can’t have. All because he’s not one of us.





CHAPTER SEVEN



Controlled coupling will ensure that only the best are born in Elysium. Mother bestows this gift only on the most deserving, and it is an honor and a privilege to fulfill those duties.





—BREEDER’S HANDBOOK





I wake with my face pressed against the cool glass of my garden walls. The sunlamps and exterior lights are on again, so I know it’s daytime. Dazed, I stand and find my way back to my rooms. After eating the small breakfast the Maids have brought, I dress for the day.

I stare at my face in the mirror. I don’t look altered, but I feel different. Completely different. How can one small revelation change everything? It’s not like I didn’t know I would have to couple with someone, and sooner rather than later. And it’s not like I had much choice about who my couplemate would be. What frightens me now is wondering how many sessions with Dr. Friar it will take before I can’t remember that I didn’t like the Guard. Before I forget I’m being Conditioned at all. Before I can’t remember that I ever met Gavin. Will there be a day when I look in the mirror and I can’t remember anything except my own breakfast that morning?

A Maid knocks on the door. “Miss Evelyn, your Mother is requesting your presence in her sitting room.”

Of course she is. “I will be along.” Gavin’s warning circulates in my mind. Don’t let on that things are different.

I plaster on a smile and make sure it looks normal in the mirror before grabbing my handbag with the food in it and heading toward Mother.

She sits on her needlepoint-covered chair while a Beautician hovers over her, adjusting her hair and makeup. The way Mother watches the woman through her mirror reminds me of Cassiopeia, the mythological queen of Ethiopia who angered Poseidon by proclaiming she was more beautiful than his daughters.

She flutters her hand when she sees me and the Beautician leaves, but Mother continues to stare into her handheld mirror.

I go to stand next to her, my head bowed just a little and my hands clasped in front of me.

“How are you this morning?” she asks.

The answer is easy. I just have to let the programmed answer flow from my lips. “My life is just about perfect.”

She glances over with a smile. “Very good. Were you able to get any information from the Surface Dweller yesterday?”

This answer is harder, but I say, “Not much to be helpful.”

She purses her lips, then says, “You must try harder, Evelyn. We cannot afford to take our time.”

“Yes, Mother.”

Satisfied, she turns back to her mirror and touches a hand to her cheekbone. “Excellent. Now we can get on to more important matters. Tell me, what say you about the young Guard? Is he not the perfect match?”

I speak carefully, making sure my speech is impeccable. A wrong step could be fatal. “I do not know my feelings on this matter yet. I have much to learn about him.”

She makes a pssh sound. “What is there to learn? He has good genetics. He is strong. And very striking, yes?”

“Yes, Mother. He’s very handsome, but I know nothing of his personality.” Not to mention I don’t really want to couple with him. I don’t want to couple with anyone, really. Well … not anyone from Elysium.

She waves this off as she turns back to me. “Nonsense. His personality is of no consequence in the bedroom, Evelyn.” She brushes a strand of hair from my face. “I think you’ll be very happy with him. He’s different from the others and, genetically speaking, a perfect match. Won’t you give him a chance?”

“Yes, Mother,” I say, looking over her shoulder. Do I have any choice?

She pats my cheek. “Excellent. I knew you’d come around.” She glances up when the door opens behind me. “Ah. Just in time.”

I glance behind me and fake another smile when I see the young Guard. He blushes and smiles back.

Mother makes a shooing gesture. “Go. Spend time with your young man.”

She certainly means the Guard, not Gavin, but I decide to take it the way I want. I bow my head and curtsey.

“Yes, Mother.”

I exit the room and the Guard follows. He walks beside me, but doesn’t say a word. While I know it isn’t his fault, I do not wish to speak to him. I haven’t decided what to do about him yet.

The Guard lets me in the cell, where Gavin paces like a tiger. Gavin looks up when the door opens and I gesture to the floor. We both sit, my body hiding the empty spot between us from the Guards before I push my bag toward Gavin.

“It’s food. I saved it from yesterday’s dinner. I made sure to grab stuff that wouldn’t spoil so it should still be safe to eat.”

He doesn’t even bother looking at it. He has eyes only for me, and they’re filled with worry. “Is everything okay? You seem … off.”