Released (Caged #3)(55)

And what did she get? An ex-junkie who couldn’t face his past. Nice trade there.

You’re getting better.

Yeah, maybe. Erin said so. Tria seemed okay with the progress I had made even if there were some things I still couldn’t do. I hoped going with her for the sonogram was a good move and I didn’t freak out or anything. The very idea of it was stressful though I couldn’t say exactly why. Seeing the…the baby…inside of her with a little machine that saw through her skin? It was just weird.

And kinda gross.

But still, I had to do those things—I had to show her I could be what she needed. I wasn’t really sure if she knew how much I thought about that, and telling her just sounded awkward.

If you don’t tell Tria how you’re feeling, how can you expect her to know? Osmosis?

Erin’s voice echoed in my head.

I licked my lips and took a long breath. I moved my hand up and down Tria’s back, but there was still a lot of tension just underneath my skin. The deep-seated desire to punch something was creeping up my spine and into my shoulders. I wanted to swing, make contact, and feel the jarring sensation through my arm. I wanted to feel the pain in my knuckles when I made a good hit.

I wanted to fight.

“You know I love you, don’t you?” I said. My voice sounded desperate, but I wasn’t sure why. I just knew it was important for her to know, just like Erin had told me.

“I know, Liam,” she replied. She pushed herself up, leaned across me, and crossed her arms over my chest before resting her chin on her forearms. “I love you, too.”

Her eyes smiled at me, but they didn’t offer comfort. If anything, the look distressed me more.

“I mean really, really love you,” I said with more earnest. I wrapped both my arms around her shoulders. When I hugged her, I brought her a little farther up my chest.

“I know,” she said again.

“I’d do anything for you.”

She reached up and touched the tip of my nose with the tip of her finger.

“Liam, what are you getting at?”

“I…I want…” I stopped. I couldn’t say this. I didn’t want to upset her.

“What do you want?” she pressed.

I sighed heavily.

“I want to fight again,” I said, and I felt Tria tense. Before she could say anything, I quickly continued. “Not competitively or anything, just at a gym. You know—practicing…training…sparring. That kind of shit.”

“No cage?”

“No cage,” I confirmed.

Tria went quiet for a minute, and with each passing moment, I was more on edge. When she opened her mouth, I cringed and prepared for the worst.

“Then do it,” she said.

“Really?” My eyes went wide as I looked at her face to make sure I wasn’t imagining everything. “But you hate it.”

Tria’s lips pressed together for a moment.

“I hated you in the cage,” she whispered. “You were hurt all the time, and I never knew when you were going to end up in the hospital with another concussion or stitches. I was always afraid it was going to be worse. They paid you shit money, and since it was all under the table, you had no way of defending yourself when they cut you loose.

“But what you’re talking about…”—she waved a hand in the air—“that’s not the same thing. I know you like to…to do that. I’m not going to pretend I understand it, but I know it means a lot to you. I think having you go and fight with a trainer or whatever would be good for you.”

“You mean it?”

“Of course.”

There really wasn’t any way to say what I felt, so I just wrapped my arms around her as tightly as I could without actually hurting her and kissed her over and over again until she was squirming and laughing in my arms.

“I don’t deserve you,” I informed her.

Tria took my face in her hands, tilted her head, and did that “stare into my soul” thing that she does.

“Well, you are stuck with me anyway.”

“I can live with that.”

*****

Neutral ground.

That’s what Erin called it.

It didn’t feel neutral; it felt more like death row. I ate my “last meal” protein bar as the clock ticked, and Damon sat close enough to the door of the waiting room that he could catch me if I tried to make a break for it.

Deep, cleansing breaths didn’t do a f*cking thing for me.

“Ready, Liam?”

I glanced around the room, a little confused, but stood up and followed Erin into her office.

“I thought you said she was going to be here?”

“She will be,” Erin said. “I wanted to give you a little time to get settled before she comes. She’ll be here in about fifteen minutes.”

“Oh.”

“How are you feeling right now?”

“Nervous,” I admitted.

“That seems pretty reasonable, given the circumstances. When was the last time you talked to your mother?”

“I saw her at Ryan’s wedding,” I said. “She also came to the hospital after I was stabbed.”

“And you talked to her then?” Erin asked.

“Not…exactly. There was more yelling than talking.”