Players, Bumps and Cocktail Sausages (Silence #3)(68)

“You ready?” Jasper asked as I pressed play on the remote.

I curled into his side and shook my head. “Not at all.”

“You’ll be fine when it’s our turn.” He pressed his lips to my temple and whispered, “I’ll never let anything happen to either of you.”

I closed my eyes and squeezed my arm around his waist as my heartbeat went crazy. I hated Abby for what she’d done to him and wished she’d broken up with him before she slept with Brett so he wouldn’t have been as hurt and closed off to future relationships.

The DVD started, and the excitement from the parents was infectious.

“Maybe this won’t be that bad,” I said.

Twenty minutes later and I realised I’d jinxed it. Big time.

I stared at the screen in horror as the baby pushed its way out of its mother.

“Jesus. Fuck! That’s not natural,” Jasper said, wide eyes and looking traumatised.

“Well it’s alright for you!”

“I can’t look away,” he whined. “Why can’t I look away?”

“I’m having the epidural.”

“Holly, make me look away!”

“Can you stop now? You don’t have to worry about this, I do!”

The mother screamed as the baby’s head popped out and then there was definite tearing.

Jasper heaved, and for a second I thought he was going to be sick on my mum’s new sofa. He pressed his fist to his mouth and squeezed his eyes closed.

I wanted to look away too, but whatever was preventing him earlier was now stopping me. Women did this more than once? What on earth was wrong with them? My own mum did this twice. How could she not hate us?

“I’m scared,” I whispered, wishing I’d never agreed to watch it. Oakley was wrong; this wasn’t helping me understand what was going to happen to my body during birth, this was making me wish I could opt for a caesarean.

“Me too,” Jasper replied. “Is it over yet?”

“I’m not talking about the video! I’m talking about the fact that I’m going to have to do this in three month’s time.”

He gulped and turned his body to face mine.

“I’m so sorry, Holly.” His eyes dropped to between my legs, and I hit him. “You’re tight so I don’t even know how it’s going to happen.”

My face burst into flames. “Shut up!”

“I can’t believe you’re still a prude after we had sex in the back of my car, at The Centre, in the bath-”

“Okay! Please can you stop now?” I didn’t need him to list all our indiscretions.

He grinned. “Alright. Seriously though, what the hell are you gonna do?”

I shrugged. “Lots of drugs. Remember me saying this now; I want everything. Don’t let them try to push me into having a natural birth.”

On the screen, the mum gave one last, long scream that didn’t sound human, and the baby slid into the midwife’s arms. My mouth fell open. Wow. The camera zoomed out to the two crying parents as they shared a quick kiss, and then their child – which was announced a boy – was placed on his mum’s chest.

Jasper fell silent. His hand found mine, and he weaved our fingers together.

Oh, that’s why women do it more than once.

The little baby boy, who had a good set of lungs on him, wailed, but his parents stared down at him in wonder, amazement and love.

“I can’t wait for that part,” Jasper said. “I’d go through that for what they’re feeling right now.”

“I wish you could,” I replied, and he laughed. He let go of my hand, and I felt colder. But only for a second as he wrapped his arm around my back and drew me closer to him. I laid my head against his shoulder, and when his hand rested on my bump, I almost cried. This was what I wanted. Me and him and our baby.

“I can’t wait until he or she is here now.”

“Me neither,” I said. “It’s going to be amazing. And exhausting.”

“I’ll be here as much as I can.”

“I know you will. You’re going to be a fantastic dad, and you know you’re welcome here anytime you like. I’ll never say no to you seeing the baby.”

He shifted slightly, and I looked up. He was nervous.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.”

“About what?”

“About me staying here some nights. Or you two staying at my place. It’s not fair that you do every night feed; I want to be equally as exhausted.”

“Where would you sleep here?”

“On the floor in the baby’s room? I don’t care where I sleep; I just want to be here where I can look after her.”

We were both still so confident it was a girl.

“We can sort something out, I’m sure. The baby will be in my room for the first few months anyway.”

He nodded once. “Well, maybe I can stay in your room too?”

“Unlikely,” Dad said, flicking the switch on the wall. Light flooded the room, and I groaned. Thanks for ruining the moment, Dad! We had only just got back on track, and I really didn’t want to fall out with him again. I hated us not being friendly, and I missed the flirting too.

“Ah, come on, Carl, after what I’ve just seen you have nothing to worry about.”