Players, Bumps and Cocktail Sausages (Silence #3)(63)

“Her craving,” I said. “Cocktail sausages dipped in chocolate milkshake.”

Brad turned his nose up. “Holly, that’s disgusting!”

She held her hands up. “Hey, it’s not my fault. It’s what Jasper’s child wants.”

The baby was my child whenever it made her hormones freak out, made her pee extra turned her ankles into ‘cankles’ or wanted weird things to eat. I was pretty sure it was going to be all mine when she was in labour too.

“I think this one is going to be just like his or her cousin,” she said.

Christ, two Everleighs!

I passed her one of the bowls. “Maybe not. Oakley didn’t like them when she was pregnant. Actually she didn’t really eat any meat because at the time she was absolutely not going to ‘eat any fucking defenceless animals’.” I tried to imitate her voice, but even I knew I’d failed.

Holly laughed. “That’s probably for the best. Think I’m going to be sick of them by the time she’s here,” she replied, popping two in her mouth.

“Are you two together?” Brad asked out of nowhere.

“No,” I said.

“This is messed.”

“It’s not. We’re happy. Right, Holly?”

She nodded.

“Yeah. Honestly, Brad, everything’s fine. This is working for us so please can you just be happy for us and excited to be an uncle?”

“Hey, I am. I just don’t know how you do the ‘best buds having a baby’ thing.”

“Man, you should’ve just said. You’re still my bestest bud.”

He stuck his middle finger up.

“You’re both adults so do what you want. Just can’t help thinking this is going to all go horribly wrong.” He stopped and smirked as I put my arm around Holly. “Or horribly right.”

I stuck my middle finger up.

Neither of us wanted that. We’d known each other five months and were already having a baby. There was no need to rush anything else. The more I thought about my future the more I saw Holly beside me but as much as I wanted her I still didn’t feel ready for a new relationship.

Holly bit her lip and looked away. There was something she wanted to say. “Hol, spit it out.”

“Okay, this is no big deal but my aunt is getting married next Saturday, and she asked if I wanted a plus one. Fancy going with me? Free food and alcohol.”

“Love to,” I replied. But not because of the free food and booze. The more time I spent with her the more I wanted. It was ridiculous and annoying and not only because she was carrying my child.

“Pass the parcel time!” Everleigh shouted.

I grabbed Holly’s hand. “Come on.”

“We’re playing?” she asked.

“For the baby, yeah.”

“Jasper!” Holly said and laughed, squeezing my hand.





Chapter Twenty-Eight


Holly




“So this is husband number…?” Jasper asked, trailing off.

“Five.”

“Wow, I’ve given up after wife number one. How does she still believe in marriage?”

I looked down, playing with my fingers under my small baby bump. He never wanted to be married again. Half the time it didn’t even seem like he’d ever want a relationship again.

“Not every woman is going to cheat on you, Jasper,” I said quietly.

He turned his head, and I avoided eye contact in case he could see through what I said.

“Maybe not, but how do I know who will and who won’t?”

I won’t.

“You can’t know that, no one can. You just have to find someone you trust.”

“The only women I trust are my mum, sister and you.”

And me.

If he trusted me, why was he still ruling out a relationship? I curled my arms around my belly. Because he doesn’t want a relationship with me. He doesn’t feel that way about me.

Tears sprang to my eyes, so I picked up the Order of Service and pretended to read it. I wasn’t ready to hear that and have my little family fantasy ripped away. The baby and I were going to be alone. He’d be there, of course, but it wasn’t the same as us being together.

I was spared; the music started playing, signalling my aunt’s entrance. I stood with the rest of the guests and plastered a smile on my face, pretending my heart wasn’t breaking.

Inviting Jasper was a mistake. When he agreed immediately I was elated, but now I felt lower than I had in a long time. I was almost at the point of finding myself, and had a clear image in my head of what I wanted, but now that was gone and a part was missing.

Tammy walked down the aisle for the fifth time, arm through her dad’s, beaming as if it was the first. For her, I hoped it was the last. I wanted to be that happy to be with someone. I didn’t need Jasper to achieve what I wanted career wise, but I felt like I did for what I wanted in my family life.

Tammy passed us, keeping her eyes on an equally thrilled Toby. Jasper’s arm wound around my waist, and his hand rested on my hip. I wanted to push him away. If we were going to have a strictly friendly relationship, then I didn’t want the physical contact that made warmth spread through my entire body. But I didn’t push him away because I loved the feeling too much.