Players, Bumps and Cocktail Sausages (Silence #3)(66)

“I don’t want you two on your own.”

“We won’t be.”

His beautiful face was marred with a frown.

“Holly, the midwives don’t count. They don’t care enough.”

“What?”

“Will one stay in your room all night?”

“No, of course not, but if I need them they’ll come in.”

“Then I need to be there. What if something happens?”

Oh. That’s what this was about. He was scared because of what happened to Oakley. I felt awful that he worried about us to the point where he didn’t feel he could leave us for one night, but it was unhealthy. We were going to be apart from him, so he had to get used to it and realise we were okay.

“Jasper, nothing is going to happen to us. We’ll be fine in hospital for a night or two.”

“Something might happen.”

“If you don’t trust me to look after our child-”

“I do!”

I threw my hands up. “It doesn’t sound like it. What happened to Oakley-”

“Shut up,” he snapped.

My heart ached. It was still so hard for him to talk about, but he couldn’t see that it was why he was feeling so anxious. How could you get someone to seek help when they wouldn’t even admit there was a problem?

“For all our sakes, the baby’s included, you’re going to have to talk about it.”

“No,” he replied and shut down.

It was so hard to talk to him once he was done with something, but I wasn’t about to give up. If he continued trying to control everything, I was going to be suffocated. I couldn’t live with him constantly calling or texting, telling me what I could or couldn’t do or where I could go. His fear was real and I understood, but I wouldn’t let it rule my life.

“Please, Jasper.”

He snapped his teeth together. “This is my baby too, Holly. You don’t get to make all of the decisions. I won’t leave my child with strangers.”

“Strangers? She’ll be with me – her mum! Do you think I’m going to leave her on the ward while I go see a movie or something?”

He gave me an exasperated look.

“I’m perfectly capable of protecting my baby.”

I could see in his now dark grey eyes that he was thinking ‘My mum thought that too’.

“I want to be there,” he said

“No,” I said. “I’m not going to kick up a fuss at the hospital over this. We will be fine. The ward is secure. No one will hurt her. You need to talk to someone because worrying yourself sick isn’t going to help the baby.”

“I’ll be fine.”

Sighing, I ran my hands through my hair.

“I won’t be, Jasper. We can’t live like this.”

“We don’t have to. There’s no need for you to worry.”

Right, because we weren’t together and he had no interest in me romantically. I was fine as a friend he occasionally slept with, but that was where it ended. I knew I shouldn’t take it too personally; he didn’t want a relationship with anyone, but it did hurt.

The more it hurt the angrier I got with him and with myself. It was too much on top of having an unplanned pregnancy, worrying about being a good mum and finishing university.

“I think you should go,” I said. “I can’t do this, Jasper. It’s too hard.”

“Do what?”

I threw my hands up. “This. Us.”

“What us?”

Exactly.

“We’re having a baby, Holly, nothing is going to change that now. You can’t just order me out of your life because you’re pissed off with me.”

“I’m not. I’m ordering you out of my house.”

“Is this how it’s going to be? We disagree on something and you make me leave? You can’t do that. This is my baby too.”

I groaned. No one got to me as much as him. I could feel my temper boiling below the surface, ready to explode.

“Stop looking at me like that,” he said. “I’m not arguing with you. When you’re home it’ll be different, but I’m staying at the hospital.”

“We both make decisions so why should I just pander to your every fucking demand?” I shouted.

“You’re being unreasonable.”

My eyes widened. “Me?”

I was not the unreasonable one.

“Why don’t you want me there? I thought you’d like the help after giving birth.”

“I don’t like why you want to do it.”

He shook his head. “You’re the most confusing and frustrating woman I’ve ever met, Holly.”

“And you’re the most stubborn man I’ve ever met! I can’t believe we’re arguing over this; it’s ridiculous. You can be at the hospital for dad’s visiting like everyone else.”

“Now who’s being stubborn,” he muttered.

“Alright, get out. I’m serious, Jasper. You’re being stupid and I know you don’t mean it personally, but that’s how I’m taking it. I need time away from you because when you’re in front of me I can barely think straight.”

I shouldn’t have said that. Dropping my eyes to the floor, I bit my lip.