Players, Bumps and Cocktail Sausages (Silence #3)(67)

“Holly,” he said, and I could tell he’d regretted pushing me. His voice was low, deep and intense, and it sent a shiver down my spine. He got to me so much because I was completely in love with him.

“Please. I need you to give me some space to think.”

He stepped forwards, pressing his lips to my forehead and rubbing his thumb over my belly. “Okay,” he murmured against my skin. “Call if you need me.”

“I will. I just need some time.”

Stepping back, he nodded.

“I get it. These last few months have been pretty intense.”

He turned and walked away.

I sat down when I heard the front door close behind him. I thought I’d feel better once he was gone, but I didn’t. He worried, and I wasn’t helping by sending him away rather than trying harder to talk to him.

If we couldn’t find a way to communicate and resolve our issues then we were going to have a tense relationship, and our relationship was now going to have last forever – as parents, if nothing else. I swung my feet up on the sofa and laid down.



“Morning,” Oakley said.

“Hi. How come you’re in on your day off?” I asked her.

She smiled sympathetically, and I knew straight away – Jasper.

“He called me last night,” she said, “and told me what happened. Then he asked if we could swap days.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I know how he is, and it can be pretty intense. He’s scared, Holly, and he doesn’t do feeling scared well. For the last eight years, he’s been the strong one, and although he worried himself sick about us all I think it’s really hitting him hard now that he’s going to be a dad.”

“I feel awful for sending him home last night.”

“No, you were right to. It’s not healthy, and you can’t just go along with it because you’re afraid of upsetting him. You’ve got to be honest about how you feel, or you’re going to end up resenting him.”

Being honest about how I felt about him would not do me any favours right now.

“Yeah. I don’t want to lie to him, and we’ve both said we need talk openly. It’s hard to tell him he’s not staying at the hospital when I know why he wants to.”

“I know,” she said and smiled. “He’ll be fine though, and he wouldn’t be allowed to stay anyway. Don’t let it get you down. He’ll come around when he’s had time to think it through.”

“Has he been to see Dr Hales again?”

“Not recently. He went a few times after he split up with Abby but not recently. I’ll be talking to him about that because I really think Carol can help him get some perspective and realise what he needs to do to move on.”

“What do you think he needs to do?” I asked, eager to hear her thoughts.

“I think he needs a conversation with our dad.”

That I did not expect. I thought she was just going to tell me he needs regular therapy and to talk to Dr Hales about what happened and how it affected him.

“Really?” I must have sounded as surprised as I felt.

She shrugged.

“He hasn’t talked to Dad since he was arrested. He’s had no closure and none of the questions he has have been answered. Up until now he could deal with that enough for it not to affect his everyday life too much but now he’s faced with bringing an innocent baby into this world, and I’ll put a lot of money on it eating away at him.”

“You think he’ll be okay?”

“I won’t let him not be,” she said.

Neither will I.





Chapter Thirty


Jasper smiled sheepishly at me as I opened the door. “Hey,” he said.

I stood back so he could come in. “Hi.”

“Are you parents home?” he asked and walked inside.

“No, everyone’s at work.”

“Good.”

I followed him into the living room, and we sat down.

“Hol, I’m sorry. These last couple of days have sucked. I hate arguing with you.”

“I hate arguing with you, too.” But I still didn’t know how we were going to resolve anything properly.

“Can we stop worrying about everything that might happen in the future and concentrate on getting ready for this one?” he asked, glancing at my belly.

I knew that didn’t include him stopping worrying about the baby’s safety. It had to, and he had to want it to, but he wouldn’t face his demons.

“Sure,” I replied, knowing if I brought it up again we’d just fall straight back into the same argument. I knew Sarah and Oakley had been through it with him a few times too. “I’m about to watch a birth video, want to join me?”

He frowned. “Do I?”

“Probably not but if I’m watching it you are too.”

“Why did you ask, then?” he said, wrapping his arm around my waist as we walked into the living room. It was so nice to have things back to normal between us. It had only been a couple days, but I hated arguing and not talking.

“Sit,” I ordered and went to put the DVD on.

He got comfortable and raised his arm as I walked back to the sofa. A thrill ran through me that he wanted to snuggle up as we watched probably the most gross DVD we ever would. I wanted to know what my body was going to go through, but at the same time a part of me wanted to go into it na?ve and utterly unprepared. If I didn’t know how bad it was, then I wouldn’t be able to freak out about it.