On the Rocks(20)

“Hey, Abby,” he called. “Why don’t you stick around?” He gestured over his shoulder back at the bar.

“I have to get home.” It was only a partial lie.

“No, you don’t,” he challenged.

“How do you know that?” I was never a good liar.

“Because unless you have some sort of emergency unpacking problem, you don’t need to be in an empty house right now. I think you’re avoiding me,” he teased. He crossed his arms across his chest and smiled at me. Bobby was charming in a strange way. In the way that made me want to keep talking to him, but to not really be nice when I did. I’m pretty sure that’s not how you go about getting guys to like you as a friend or anything else, but it was the only way I knew how to be.

“Why would I avoid you? I don’t even know you,” I replied with a shrug.

“Oh, so you want to come back to the bar and talk to me? I’ll tell you all about myself.”

“Maybe next time. I’m just a little tired.”

“I’m starting to get the feeling that you don’t like me.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Then you do like me.”

“I didn’t say that either.”

“Can I buy you a beer?”

“No thanks.”

“Please?”

“Well, in that case . . . no.”

“Okay, suit yourself. I’m just trying to be friendly here and make you feel at home since you don’t know anyone, but if you’d rather be alone, that’s fine. I’m sure I’ll see you around.” He shrugged, finally giving up on breaking me down. Little did he know that someone had beaten him to the punch a long time ago.

“What makes you say that?” I asked before he walked away.

“What?”

“That you’ll see me around?”

“I live down the block for starters,” he said.

“Oh yeah, I forgot. Look, I really just want to relax for a little. It was nice to meet you. I’ll see you later,” I said as I waved him off.

“As you wish,” he said as he turned and headed back to the bar, leaving me on the sidewalk.

When I got to the house, I walked in, went into my bedroom, removed my laptop from its case, and set it gently on the bed in front of me. I turned it on and opened my Gmail account, waiting to see if the little dot next to Ben’s name turned green to let me know he was logged in. When it did, I opened a chat box and stared at it for a full five minutes, knowing that I shouldn’t write him, but I couldn’t stop myself. We had been together for ten years, and had been friends for a year before we started dating. I could no more keep myself from writing him than I could keep myself from swallowing. It was like muscle memory, and that, like my other memories, would take time to fade. My hands started typing before my brain knew what they were doing. I didn’t want to be his friend, but I didn’t want him to be out of my life either. I didn’t know what I wanted. And that was the problem.

I typed slowly.

Hi. Just got back from the bars. How are things going out there?

Hey yourself. Going okay, had a busy day and just relaxing now with a beer. How was the bar scene?

Crowded. Met some of Grace’s friends.

Preppy guys?

Yes.

Not happy to hear that. You always liked the preppy guys. One in particular.

Once upon a time, yes.

Be patient with me Abby. I’m working things out.

What does that mean?

Sorry, got to run, I’m taking a friend to the movies.

What? I stared at the conversation, brief as it was, and could swear that Ben was telling me that he wanted me to wait for him, that he didn’t want me seeing other guys, and that he was taking another girl to the movies. I read and reread and read the conversation again to see if I’d missed something, but there was nothing there to miss. The dot next to his name turned gray when he signed off. I threw myself back on the bed and buried my head in the pillows. It was unreal how quickly one person could make me feel so inadequate. I closed my laptop, not only because I couldn’t stand the mental torment for another minute, but because I was exhausted. What was I doing? I was not this person. At least, I didn’t want to be this person anymore. It was time to make some changes.





Chapter 6



This Is Like Zagat’s—No One Gets a Perfect Score




I WOKE UP early Saturday morning and went for a run to better learn the area and try to get the summer started on a healthy note. As much as I needed Newport to be a reboot for my mental health, I needed it to kick-start my physical health as well, and I figured the best way to fix both was to get set in some kind of exercise routine. I ran in a small circle from the house up toward Cliff Walk and back through town, slowing down to catch my breath by pretending to window-shop at the stores along Thames Street. Dark storm clouds began to roll in when I was a few blocks from home, and I turned onto Grafton Street two minutes before the skies opened up in a vicious summer storm. I hopped in the shower, and when I changed and went back into the den, I found Bobby, Wolf, and Grace seated in a circle on the floor around the coffee table. Apparently, they had come up with a way to spend the morning that didn’t involve being outside—Scrabble and Bloody Marys.