Never Giving Up (Never #3)(50)
“Pretty good, just a little sore from sitting in this bed.” I squirmed, trying to alleviate some of the discomfort.
“You’ll be moved to the Mommy and Baby wing in about an hour and the beds there are much better. Would you like to try and nurse?”
“That’s my cue to leave,” Dad joked. He stopped by my bed and kissed my forehead. “Good job, Princess. She’s perfect.” He shook Porter’s hand again and then made his exit, going to sit in the waiting room until my mom was ready to leave. I looked up at Tilly and my mom.
“Will you guys stay?” Honestly, I was a little nervous to try and feed Mattie for the first time and could have used all the help I could get. Both of them agreed with smiles; I don’t think wild horses could have dragged them from the room. Tilly handed Mattie back to me and the nurse helped me adjust her and myself to try to get her to latch on. At first, it was awkward and a little embarrassing. Mattie seemed more interested in sleeping than eating so I was just rubbing my nipple on her face, trying to tempt her, and it seemed a little strange.
The nurse was very helpful and kept talking so that even though I felt awkward, She made it seem like the most natural thing and I guess, of course, it was.
“Let’s unwrap her and see if some cold air won’t wake her up.” She laid Mattie out on the bed and unwrapped the blanket from her. I felt my heart flutter as I watched her curl up, trying to escape the cold air, her little legs bending up towards her chest, her tiny butt perfectly round and cute. I fell in love with her a little more just then. Her eyes didn’t open, but she moved around, so the nurse brought her back and did all the dirty work, manipulating my breast for me, getting Mattie to open up her mouth.
Again, I felt uncomfortable as this strange woman’s hands gripped my breast, but I tried to go with the flow, tried to pretend like this isn’t the most unusual position I’ve ever been in. But suddenly, all my concerns about modesty and shyness floated away and dissipated when I felt Mattie’s mouth latch on to me. I looked down and saw her perfect mouth wrapped around me and I couldn’t help the tears that formed in my eyes. She suckled and made the tiniest whimpering noises I’ve ever heard.
“Oh my God,” I whispered. I felt Porter press a kiss against my temple, but I didn’t dare look up at him. I couldn’t. I stared at Mattie for as long as I could. I don’t think I could ever tear my eyes away from her, from this. I’m connected to her like I’ve never been connected to anyone.
Eventually Mattie fell asleep and no longer fed, but just slept with me in her mouth.
“She’s asleep,” I said quietly to the nurse who was making polite conversation with our moms while I nursed Mattie, all of them laughing and smiling as if the most miraculous thing in the world wasn’t happening in my arms.
“Newborns are so lazy,” she said with a smile. “You might find her to be more lethargic in the next couple of days due to the hematoma, so you’ll need to try extra hard to get her to latch on. If I’m not here to help, there’s always a lactation specialist on the floor, so don’t hesitate to ask for help.”
“What hematoma?” Tilly asked. We spent the next five minutes explaining Mattie’s condition, taking her hat off and showing our moms her injury.
“You should try to feed her at least every two to three hours, and if she’d too tired to eat, make sure you’re pumping. Ring the bell if you have any questions.” Fran said goodbye to everyone and just as she left, another nurse entered and informed us it was time to change rooms. There was a flurry of activity, but I kept my eyes on Mattie and my arms wrapped around her. They didn’t allow me to hold her as we moved rooms, but they did allow Porter to wheel her in a bassinette.
Our parents decided to leave us, all needing sleep just as much as we did. We said our goodbyes and the nurse got us situated in our new room—and, yes, the bed was much more comfortable. I was given a ton of instructions from the nurse, all of which were overwhelming, and she could tell I was exhausted. She left us, claiming she’d return soon to check on us.
Suddenly, it’s just Porter, Mattie, and me. The three of us. Alone. I looked at him and it occurred to me that he had yet to hold his baby. I was instantly ashamed that I hogged her, that I let everyone else hold her first.
“Porter, you haven’t held her yet,” I said, urging him to come to us. “I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you say something?” He shrugged.
“Watching you with her has been the most wonderful experience I’ve ever had. I didn’t want to take her from you,” he said, simply. My heart liquefied at his words. It was typical Porter to put me and my needs before his own.
“Come over here,” I whispered, scooting over on the bed so there was enough room for him to sit next to me. Once he was so close to me I could feel the heat radiating from him, I passed Mattie over, gently laying her in the crook of his elbow. He didn’t falter, didn’t seem nervous at all. He took her and he held her firmly, without hesitation. He was a natural. Her tiny, perfect head fit snuggly against the strong muscle of his bicep, and her pristine, creamy and pink face looked flawless against his tanned skin.
“She’s so beautiful,” he whispered, his eyes not blinking, using every moment to just look at her. I leaned my head up against his arm, listening to him breathe, watching him caress the feather-soft tuft of hair at the nape of her neck. “She’s perfect, you know,” he said quietly, looking into my eyes. “You made a perfect little girl.”