Never Giving Up (Never #3)(45)
Slowly and gradually, over the next thirty minutes I started to feel the pain lessen until, eventually, I felt nothing. Well, I felt nothing except exhaustion. It was four in the morning and I could barely keep my eyes open.
“Babe,” I heard Porter’s raspy voice but couldn’t bring myself to turn my head to look at him. “Get some sleep. I’m going to be here the whole time.” I felt him take my hand and it was the last thing I thought about before I fell asleep.
Even though I was exhausted, I knew there was no way I was going to be able to sleep. It felt like there was sand in my eyes, they were so dry and red. I wanted to close them so badly and just fall asleep like this, with Ella’s hand in mine, but I made sure to keep my eyes open. The two most important people in my life were lying in a hospital bed and if something was going to go wrong, I was going to be the first person to know—and to get help.
I tried to keep the dark thoughts away. I tried to focus on the fact that this was a happy occasion. Hospitals didn’t always have to be a place where you almost lost the one person you love the most. It could also be the place where you found a brand new person to love. I tried to focus on that. We weren’t here to lose; we were here to gain.
Ella slept for about three hours, never stirring, sleeping peacefully. I watched the screen just to the side of her bed that monitored her contractions. The screen showed her contractions as hills and as far as I could tell the hills were getting taller and wider. I’d watched the screen enough to understand that meant her contractions were getting stronger and lasting longer, and for that reason I was glad she was still asleep.
Ella was, by far and away, the strongest woman I had ever met, but it was agonizing to watch her suffer through labor. For nine months she’d spoken about trying to have a natural birth. I have no doubt she very well could have made it—she’s stubborn enough—but I wanted her to give herself a break, to not push herself so hard that in the end she was worse off than when she started.
The hills were getting bigger and wider still and with every contraction my eyes darted back and forth between the screen and Ella, watching to see if she was uncomfortable at all. She slept through every single one, not looking like she was affected at all. Modern medicine really was astounding. To my left, through the wall, I heard the distinct sound of a baby crying. The cry was gurgled and frantic. It sounded new. I felt a little uncomfortable hearing someone else’s baby’s first cry—like I’d stolen something from them. But then I smiled to myself thinking that if I could hear that baby’s cry then the parents were also hearing their baby’s first cry. Excitement washed over me, looking forward to sharing that moment with Ella, hoping someone in the rooms next to us might use our special moment as motivation.
I finally allowed my eyes to close, trying to have faith in the fact that Ella was asleep and not in any pain. My hand was clasped around hers and I pulled her it close to me as I laid my head on the bed next to her. I tried to keep my mind from wandering to the last time I was in this exact same position and instead, focused on trying to imagine what our baby would look like. I fell asleep to the image of a beautiful baby with pink skin and blue eyes, just like her mother.
I awoke to the sound of the door to the hospital room opening. My head shot up and I saw a nurse walking through the darkened room, making her way towards Ella. She gave me a silent smile and proceeded to the print-out of all the hills that made up Ella’s labor. I looked at the clock and noticed that two more hours had passed. I look back to the nurse who is making marks on the paper with a pen.
“Is everything all right?” I whispered to her. She looked over at me and smiled again.
“Everything looks very normal and healthy. I’m going to ask the doctor to come check her progress in a few minutes.”
“Is it ok that she’s been asleep this whole time? I mean, she’s not in any danger, is she?” Even though I was glad she wasn’t feeling any pain, it was a little unnerving that she could sleep through all her contractions.
The nurse gave me a sweet smile. “The epidural blocks the nerves that send pain signals to the brain. She can’t feel anything below her chest. So, she’s sleeping as if she’s in no pain, because she isn’t. It’s perfectly normal and actually beneficial that she’s asleep right now. She’ll need all the energy in the world when she’s pushing and after the baby is born.” Her whispered response goes a long way to ease my worries and I thanked her softly before she left the room.
I laid my head back down, but just as I felt myself drifting off the door opened and the lights came on. I saw Dr. Bronson enter the room and she gave me a comforting smile.
“Hello, Porter. How’s Ella doing?” I stood and looked to Ella, who still slept, and back to the doctor.
“She’s doing well, I suppose. The woman could sleep through an earthquake at this point,” I laughed.
“Well, I hate to wake her, but her chart indicates she might be close to pushing, so I want to check her.”
I nodded and then leaned down to her ear. “Ella, Baby, wake up.” I brushed the back of my hand down her cheek, trying to rouse her. “Sweetheart, wake up.” I pushed her hair off her forehead. I saw her eyes start to move beneath her lids and she took a deeper breath. I smiled, watching her come back from sleep, like a princess in a fairy tale. I couldn’t help myself so I leaned down and placed a chaste kiss against her lips and I felt her smile against me. I pulled away and saw the bluest eyes in the world staring back at me.