Never Giving Up (Never #3)(55)
She was just in her diaper now and I placed her back in her bed fort. I reached for my cell phone and immediately dialed the number for her pediatrician. When the receptionist answered, I explained the situation and she put me on with a nurse who I then explained the situation to again. All the while my hand kept going back to Mattie’s forehead or arm or belly, wishing the fever away. Hoping that I’d feel her again and it would be gone, that I had been wrong all along.
The nurse listened to me and then asked some questions about when she’d eaten last and other baby things. I answered her and then my nerves took over when she finally gave me some instructions.
“The doctor is full this morning with appointments, but your baby needs to be seen soon. Can you take her to an urgent care facility?”
“You think it’s urgent?”
“Yes, sweetie. When babies that young get fevers, it’s urgent.”
“Ok, yes, I can do that.” I said the words, which for all intents and purposes were confident, but I sounded anything but. I sounded scared and worried, because I was. “Where should I take her?”
The nurse gave me directions to the nearest urgent care clinic and once I’d hung up the phone I did my best to dress without having a panic attack. I packed a bag for Mattie, although I could never have told you what was inside that bag. I pulled on some clothes, most of which I believe were clean, but I couldn’t have told you which top I was wearing. My objective was to get my baby to the clinic.
Once we were in the car and headed to our destination, I pushed the button on the console that allowed me to make a call to Porter as I drove. He answered and I immediately heard the familiar sounds of construction: lots of banging and buzzing, sounds of men talking and shouting over equipment.
“Hey, Babe. How’s it going?” He answered, sounding completely worry-free, which he was, but I called to end that.
“Mattie’s sick,” I blurted out, nearly crying as I said the words.
“What?” He asked, as if he hadn’t heard me.
“The baby,” I said louder. “She’s sick.”
“What do you mean sick?” He asked, sounding a little more worried than he had before.
“Sick enough that the nurse at her pediatrician’s office told me to take her to urgent care.”
“What’s wrong with her?” He asked impatiently.
“I don’t know, Porter!” I yelled and then began to cry. I tried not to lose control of my emotions, but I didn’t have any more answers than he did, and I hated not knowing what was wrong with her.
“Ok, Baby, calm down. It’s ok. Everything’s going to be fine. Where are you taking her? I’ll meet you.”
I gave him the information and directions to the clinic and apologized for snapping at him. He told me I didn’t need to apologize to him for anything and that just made me cry even harder.
When I arrived at the clinic, I parked hastily, grabbed her car seat out of the backseat and quickly walked inside. A woman with long brown hair saw me enter and met me halfway into the building.
“Is this Mattie Masters?” The woman asked me.
“Yes,” I answered, trying not to cry in front of a stranger.
“Come back with me. The nurse called and told us to expect her, so we’ve got a room all ready.”
“Thank you,” I managed. I followed her and she led me to an examination room.
“Why don’t you take her out and get her undressed.”
I started taking her out of the car seat and undressing her, a little concerned when she hardly stirred.
“How’d she get that bump on her head?”
“It was a sub-dermal hematoma. It happened during birth. The doctors all said it would go away.” She listened to me, but just nodded. I placed Mattie on the white paper which covered the examination table, the crinkling and crackling sound it made seemed loud and intrusive in the quiet room.
“Ok, let’s see what’s going on with this little girl.” The nurse gently rolled Mattie to her side and pressed a stethoscope against her back, listening intently. I was afraid to breathe, afraid to move, afraid to blink even. She moved away after listening to a few different spots and put the stethoscope away, pulling out a different device I didn’t recognize. She went to place it on Mattie’s head and my hand shot out.
“Wait,” I said loudly, halting the nurse. “What does that do?”
The nurse laid a hand over mine and gave me a few reassuring pats.
“I’m sorry to have frightened you. This is just a thermometer. I’m going to take her temperature.” I watched as she rolled the thermometer over her forehead and ended up behind her ear. It was the strangest thermometer I’d ever seen.
“I’m sorry. I have never seen a thermometer like that. It just scared me a little. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Sweetie. You’re the momma. She’s your baby. I’d be concerned if you weren’t worried about her.” She sighed when she looked at the tiny digital screen on the device. “Her temperature is higher than we’d like it though.” She turned to the computer in the room and typed in some information then turned back to me.
“The doctor will be here in just a few minutes.”
I nodded and picked Mattie back up, cradling her against my chest, slowly rocking her back and forth. She wasn’t upset, wasn’t crying, wasn’t fussing at all. But I needed the comfort. I needed to hold her and press her against me, wanted her to feel me, know that I was there with her. A few tears fell down my cheeks, but I tried to keep it together.