Never Far Away (The Never #2)(23)

Ella had never been so happy to experience déjà vu in her life. The last time she had been racing to the beach sobbing, they had been devastating tears. This time, the tears she cried were happy tears mixed with excitement and nervousness. Two hours felt like twenty minutes and she found herself at Porter’s house ringing his doorbell at four in the morning. He wasn’t coming down fast enough so she started banging on the door with her open palm, laughing and crying at the same time.

Finally she heard thumps coming from inside and she knew he was coming to the door. When the door swung open, Porter first looked totally confused. Then he switched gears and looked worried and panicked.

“Ella? What are you doing here? Are you ok?” His hands came to her shoulders and were running down her arms like he was looking for injuries.

“I’m fine, Porter. I’m fine,” she managed between laughing sobs.

“Why are you crying?” He asked, pulling her into his living room and closing the door behind them.

“Porter,” she started and had to stop to cover her mouth when more tears and sobs came out.

“Ella, please, tell me what’s going on,” he pleaded as he pulled her into his arms. She let him hold her and buried her face in his chest, relishing in the familiarity. She took in a few deeps breaths to calm herself.

“Porter,” she started again. “How do you think I made it to your house?” She shook from the adrenaline pumping through her system.

“You drove your car?” He answered like a question because he didn’t understand what she was getting at. She took in one last big breath.

“How did I know where you live?” She pulled back to look him in the eyes. When he grasped exactly what she was telling him, she saw his realization come across his face.

“You remember?” he whispered, as he placed his hands on either side of her face. As she nodded her head, with rivers of tears streaming down her face, he began to frantically grasp at her. First her face, then her neck and her shoulders, trying to just feel her to make sure she was really there and really telling him what he was hearing. “You remember me? You remember us?” His voice was high pitched and just as frantic as his hands.

“Yes, Babe, I remember everything,” she said as she let him feel as much of her as he needed. He crushed her to him using his hands to guide her legs around his waist so that he was carrying her. He walked up the stairs and into his room. They approached his bed and he sat on the floor with his back leaning up against it, her legs still wrapped around his waist. He still breathed rapidly and she quietly let him come to terms with what she had revealed to him. He finally pulled back from their hold and again gripped her face in his hands.

“Ella, I need you to promise me that you are going to be completely honest with me for the next five minutes. No matter how you think I will feel about what you say, I just need to know that you will be one hundred percent honest.” She nodded at him.

“Of course,” she said and saw a little bit of relief come over him, but not enough to ease his nerves.

“You’ve been through a lot over the last few months, and I cannot even begin to imagine what you’re feeling or even thinking at this moment. The last thing I want to do is put added pressure on you, or pile expectations on top of what you’ve remembered. I will probably go to hell for asking you this now, when you’ve just remembered everything and haven’t had any time to process what’s happened to you. But I can’t wake up another day and live in this state of flux anymore. And whatever you decide is fine, I’ll accept anything you have to say. I just can’t go on like this. Please, Ella, I need to know how you feel about us. I need to know what you see happening between us. I need to know if I should finally move on and let you go.”

He looked at her and his eyes pleaded with her. Not asking her for any answer in particular, but the desperation in his voice made it clear to her that the last eight weeks had done the most damage to him, not her. She now could see the dark circles under his eyes that weren’t there eight weeks ago. She noticed the lines around his eyes she didn’t remember from before. She put her hands over his that seemed to be holding on to her for dear life.

“I love you, Porter. I finally found my way back to you and I’m never going to let you go.” As her words sunk into him, she watched recognition came over his face of what she had said. And then he broke her heart into fragments as he began to cry.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulled her in close, and his face found the crook of her neck. Then he began to sob. Gut wrenching and heaving sobs came from this strong, capable man. Tears soaked the shirt she had on, but she dared not move more than to caress his back and stroke his hair as she gently told him that she loved him. That everything was going to be ok now. He keened and rocked back and forth and at some point she began to cry along with him.

She wasn’t sure how much time had passed. Minutes or hours, it didn’t matter. She would have held him forever if it had made up for any of the hurt he had gone through when she didn’t remember. When he had finally stopped the wracking sobs and his lungs stopped hitching every time he tried to take a breath, he silently held her, his face never leaving her neck as the sun rose and light flooded through the giant picture window of his bedroom. She felt him take in a deep breath and let it out slowly, his breath whispering over her neck. He pulled his face back from her and looked at her face, his hands running over her hair.