Never Far Away (The Never #2)(18)
“Sounds great. Lead the way,” Ella said.
Making sure not to let go of her hand, he led her off the trail and back along one of the smaller creeks that bled into the massive waterfall. There was a thick canopy of trees, which Oregon was notoriously not short on, and the sunlight was being cast through the spaces between branches and leaves. Small rays of golden sun were illuminating their path and the sound of the trickling water was ethereal. They were probably about a quarter mile off the main trail when he found a small area on the edge of the water with two big and flat rocks that would be perfect to sit on.
“This looks good here,” he said looking towards her.
“Perfect.”
Porter took his backpack off and started unloading. He handed Ella the blanket which she spread out over the rocks and they took a seat. As he unloaded their lunch he saw her looking around, taking in their surroundings.
“It’s so beautiful here. You know, I’ve always heard you’re not supposed to go off the trails. Every year lots of hikers get lost around here and all you hear from rescuers is to stay on the trails.” She gave him a look that said ‘this is dangerous, but I kind of like it’.
“Don’t worry, Ella. All we did was follow this creek. We just follow it right back to the trail. I wouldn’t let anything happen to you. Although, I can think of worse things than being lost out here with you.” She turned her head slightly and looked at him from the corner of her eye.
“Me too.”
As they ate, they talked about their week. Ella told him about the actress from a Hollywood movie coming into her store with Kalli for a fitting, which she described as ‘the most exciting moment of her life, ever.’ He told her about his work on his latest project of a house rebuild on the beach and about the progress he’d made on his boat over the course of the week. He did not mention that he used working on his boat to keep himself from going insane with thoughts of her, and to keep him from driving to Portland every night to see her and finally make her his again. She didn’t need to hear that.
“So,” Ella began when they’d finished their meal. “Tell me about us, Porter.” Taken a little off guard, Porter cleared his throat and took a drink from his water bottle.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you’ve alluded to the fact that we were, um, well, intimate, with each other,” she said and even though he wasn’t looking at her, he knew she was blushing.
“That’s correct.”
“Well, I mean, I guess I’m just wondering, what it was like.”
“Can you be more specific?” He became uncomfortable, not really sure what kind of information she was looking for.
“Ok, well, the first time was, obviously, really soon after we met, right? Was it like, a one night stand?”
“No.” He responded immediately and unequivocally.
“Were we a couple by then? Already?”
“No,” he said less surely.
“Throw me something here, Porter. You are very handsome and terribly charming, but I am still trying to wrap my mind around how I came to sleep with you thirty-six hours after I met you.” Porter took a pause to formulate the best response he could come up with.
“I’m not going to downplay the highly unusual circumstances that brought you and me together. You were a broken-hearted beauty who needed someone to help you that night. And I might have stepped into some sort of hero role, unintentionally. I can’t miscount the beach and the effect being somewhere as romantic as the ocean can have on two people. So, yes, we were both acting, perhaps, a little out of character, being influenced by the situation we found ourselves in. But the fire with which we consumed each other was neither pretend, nor was it the product of our surrounding circumstances. We wanted each other. No, we needed each other that night.”
Porter was looking at the water, so he couldn’t see the look on her face as he said those words, but he heard her sharp and ragged intake of breath.
“Porter,” she whispered. He looked over at her. “How can you say those words to me? How can you think those thoughts, and tell me these words, and be so far away.”
“I’m right here, Ella. I’m never far away.” What happened next should have been in slow motion and nearly felt like it was. Ella leaned towards him, turning slightly so that she was facing him, and with her hand wrapped around the back of his neck she pulled his face towards hers until their lips met. Porter’s face contorted, almost as if he were in pain, and in some ways, he was. Kissing Ella would undoubtedly cause him immense pleasure, but bring him more pain as well. For now, unless she remembered him and how much they loved each other, he was kissing someone else. All these thoughts were infiltrating his head: doubt, worry, fear, apprehension. He felt her lips on his, but couldn’t give in to her. It wasn’t fair to either one of them. She felt his reluctance and pulled away, but only far enough to breathe words into his mouth.
“How was my need for you then different from now, Porter? What is the difference? Do I need to be more broken than I am right now? I feel pretty damned broken right now, Porter. You are supposed to love me, but so far, I only feel slightly rejected and majorly pissed off.”
“You think that when I kissed you before it was because you were broken? I’m not looking to clean up after anyone, Babe,” he said with harshness. “When I kiss you, I want to know it’s because you feel something for me. Not because you THINK you’re supposed to be kissing me.”