Love's Suicide (Love's Suicide #1)(28)
I’d ruined our happy family and the only way to make amends was to leave. Without me in the picture they could work on forgiveness. My love had destroyed the three of us and I couldn’t live with myself knowing it.
When I finally pulled away, he wiped the tears off of my cheeks. “Hurry back to me. We’ve got forever to spend together.”
Those words were going to haunt me for the rest of my life.
I was a bawling mess by the time the elevator doors closed. When I reached my room I rushed in, finding Melissa standing there trying to call someone. She threw her phone on the bed. “Where have you been? I called Branch looking for you and he cussed me out. What the hell is going on, Katy? I thought you spent the night with him? Where were you? What is going on?”
I started throwing all of my things in my suitcase. “I can’t talk about it right now.”
“You need to be downstairs for pictures in two hours and you look like death. What is going on? I’m your friend. You can talk to me. Just tell me what happened. Are you two fighting?”
I looked right at her with the most serious face. “I spent the night with Brooks. You know, the guy who shut you down last night? He did it because he wanted me. He’s wanted me since we were little kids. As much as you’re probably judging me in your head right now, I’m already judging myself.” I shook my head and zipped up the luggage. “Look, I don’t have time to explain the details, and I don’t expect you to even consider me a friend again. There’s so much more to the story than you could ever know, and I feel like if I had the time to explain you’d understand. I just can’t talk about it, right now. I’ve got to get out of here.”
She stood there, stunned and speechless.
I pushed her to the side to get my bags near the door. I was running out of time. At any moment Branch was going to come after me. He’d probably already told his parents, who were equally devastated. The thought of that made bile rise to my throat. I could feel my body getting dizzy and my chest felt tight. My anxiety was through the roof and I had to disappear before it could get even worse.
She came up behind me and smacked me right in the face. “That’s for lying to me, because I’m assuming you’ve been in love with him for you to do something so scandalous the night before your wedding. I made a fool out of myself, and you knew he didn’t want me the whole time. And you-- how could you do that to Branch? This hotel is filled with people that came here to see you marry him. They are here to see you promise your faithfulness to him. Does that mean anything to you?”
I looked down at the ground and accepted the sting as payment for being a shitty friend. “I’m so sorry, Mel. I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t accept it myself. I do know what it means to be faithful and what I’ve done is unforgivable. It’s done. The damage is done and I can’t change it. They’re never going to forgive me for what has happened. Branch will make sure of it. He’ll make sure they never speak to me again. He’s not going to stop until he’s satisfied. I know how he is. I’ve started a war that I can’t defend myself in and I’ve got to get as far away from him as I can.”
She grabbed my suitcase. “Let’s just get you out of here and we’ll talk on the road.”
I dropped my other bags and wrapped my arms around her. “Thank you.”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m still mad at your ass and maybe even a little jealous.”
“Don’t be.” We walked out and I hit the elevator button. “You wouldn’t want my life. Nobody would ever want this life.”
When we got down to the lobby, my heart was weighing heavy on the fact that I was destroying Brooks by leaving him. I knew I owed him a better explanation, so after we got the car loaded I found a pen and piece of paper from one of my schoolbooks and started writing him a goodbye letter.
Melissa sat there rubbing my hair as I cried and wrote the words that I was too chicken to say to him.
Dear Brooks,
This letter means that I broke my promise to you. I had to walk away from this before I had to look them all in the eye and admit what I’ve done. I couldn’t stay and face the consequences. I know I’m a coward and that a part of you will never forgive me for this.
Not only have I destroyed the bond that you and your brother once shared, but I’ve disrespected your parents and all of the generosity that they’ve given me for so many years.
This letter isn’t something that my heart takes lightly. I know what I’m giving up, and it hurts more now knowing how absolutely perfect it felt to be in your arms and feel your love radiating through me.
I will cherish the night we spent together and remember it every day for the rest of my life.
Please don’t look for me. I’ve decided to finally go out and make my own decisions for once. I want to move forward and start fresh where I won’t be judged for loving you. Just know that no matter where I end up, you will always have a piece of me.
Some people say that love never dies. If that’s true then I hope you can forgive me for walking away from it. I know I’ll never be able to forgive myself for this.
I would do anything to take back the last few years and be with you, instead. If I had known what I know now there would never have been a question as to who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It’s always been you, Brooks. I’ve known that I loved you since our first kiss. Maybe even before it. Denying it will always be my biggest regret. I know what we could have had together and it kills me inside.