Love and Let Die (Masters and Mercenaries #5)(17)

“She seemed really clear about it.” Sean leaned forward. “There’s water and ibuprofen on the bedside table. What’s with the Guns N’ Roses overload? Seriously, you listened to that song three hundred times last night. I wanted to blow my own ears off after an hour.”

He really hated her. How could she have brought Sean into this? “I like Axl Rose. Something about the hair just does it for me.”

He downed the pills. If anyone else had been sitting across from him, he wouldn’t have taken them. He would have assumed they were poison meant to horrifically liquefy his insides. Hell, he rarely drank a drink he didn’t pour himself, but he trusted Sean. Even though Sean rarely talked to him anymore. Come to think of it, this was the closest he’d been to Sean in a year.

He trusted his team—Alex and Eve and Li and Jake, and even that f*cker Adam. He trusted Grace and Serena and Avery because they loved his brothers, but that was the extent of it. He hadn’t known Simon long enough, and he trusted Jesse as far as he could throw the little f*cker.

Charlie was proof positive that he couldn’t trust anyone outside his circle.

“Come on, man. I’ve never seen you the way you were last night.”

He sent his brother a questioning look. “Did I behave in some way I shouldn’t have?”

Sean ran a frustrated hand through his hair and sat back. “No. You sat. You drank. You yelled at me when I tried to turn off the music. You were utterly stoic and refused to talk about anything except your pizza. Which I’m honestly surprised you managed to keep down. I had to make that crust from scratch, you know. If you’re going to force me to cook in the middle of the night, let’s talk about stocking your kitchen. I had to call Alex in with supplies. How do you survive on Fruity Pebbles and days-old Chinese food?”

He ate at the office more often than not. Grace smuggled whatever Sean had cooked the night before into the fridge at the office and everyone knew that if they took that food, Ian would murder them.

God, his life had become a pathetic circle of sleeping, eating at his desk, and forcing himself to work out. He’d been sleepwalking through life for years because of that woman. It had to stop. If her showing up on his doorstep had taught him one thing, it was that it was time to let her go.

“I need to take a sub. That’s my problem. I need someone to take care of the everyday shit and then I’ll be okay. I’ll tell Ryan I’m taking applications.” That would do it. He’d been a * about his own needs for years. He needed a full-time submissive who would take care of the house, deal with the inanities of life, make sure he was fed, and see to his sexual needs. In exchange, he would offer financial support and his own unique brand of discipline.

Yes, that was what he should do. Maybe he would take two subs. He had a lot of needs.

Sean’s eyes had gone wide again. “I think that would be a mistake.”

“I would think you would be thrilled. I rely on Grace far too much.”

Sean sighed a little, the same way he would when he was younger and admitting something he’d done wrong. “Grace loves you. She doesn’t mind. And I make extra. I know you think she’s risking my wrath, but I’ve always known she was feeding you. As mad as I’ve been at you, you’ve always been my brother. I won’t let you starve. God knows you didn’t let me.”

Their shared childhood sat between them. Their father had left them high and dry, and their mother had needed someone to tell her what to do. Ian had been forced to take over. He’d had to get a job and bring in money while he finished high school and made sure Sean had what he needed. There had been plenty of times during those years when there wasn’t enough food, and Ian had made sure Sean went to bed full to the detriment of his own stomach. He’d had to do it. Sean was younger. Sean had needed him. He’d known that from the moment Sean had been born. “That doesn’t matter now.”

“You have no idea how that attitude bugs me, but I’ll let it go. I’m glad you let Grace help. Kris won’t take Grace’s head off. I worry about what she’ll do if you start auditioning subs. You have a wife. They tend to get pissy about other women taking their place.”

“She’s not my wife.” He’d forgotten briefly that Sean had already met Charlie. They had worked together in Florida. “And her name isn’t Kris.”

Sean’s blue eyes rolled. “I know. Sorry. Charlotte. I wish everyone would just stick to one name. I’ve been out of the game too long to remember everyone’s fake names. My sous chef is named Hans. I don’t know his last name. I don’t need to. It’s just Hans. One name per person, please.”

His head was pounding. Hangovers sucked ass. “Good for you and Hans. I hope you’ll be very happy together.”

“Yeah, well, the point is you won’t be happy when Charlotte starts beheading the subs at Sanctum. She seems like a nice woman, but there’s a crazy bitch in there, too.”

He’d seen the crazy bitch in her from the first moment. It had been right there in those crystal blue eyes. Yeah, that was kind of why he’d loved her. Wanted her. Wanted to f*ck her. That was all. “She’ll be gone soon.”

Once she realized he wouldn’t give her what she wanted, she would move on and he could forget her again.

Except he’d never managed to forget her in the first place.