Love Survives (Love's Suicide #2)(55)

“Okay, son. Take care then.”

“You too.”



That night I was fighting demons that I couldn’t defeat. There was no hope left in my future, and with that knowledge, it left me susceptible to rehash every single enduring word she’d written on paper. I found myself back at a bar, drinking until I couldn’t feel it anymore. The utter disgust I felt for Kat had no end. I wanted her to admit to what she’d done, so I could figure out how to make sense of it all. There had to be a better explanation than she wanted to hurt me. I couldn’t allow myself to believe the woman I once knew was gone.

That next morning I had to run an errand off base. In a military vehicle, I drove past her house, parking further away so I couldn’t be detected. Like every day, she’d come outside to hang clothes. The little blonde child ran around playing in a kiddie pool nearby.

Once Kat was done with her chores, she sat down next to the little pool and played with the child. The blonde, curly-haired toddler, laughed and screamed with excitement. I’d never seen Kat so attentive before. Even from the distance I stood, I could tell she was in love with that child. That’s when it really hit. It was obvious that her decisions were never about her, but more for the child. Kat must have been running and the man she was with was the first person to offer her support. She probably never planned on getting pregnant, but once she had there was no going back.

Perhaps in some ways she did love me. Maybe me being away let us have some sort of kindred romance. The moment she got word that I was coming home everything changed. She knew I’d find out the truth, so she stopped being available. Kat had cut ties with me because she knew I wouldn’t like what I found when I finally got to her.

Then I started blaming myself again. If only I’d stayed instead joining the Army, maybe we would have had that chance.

It was too late.

I got in the vehicle and began to drive away.



May 7th

I’ve made a decision to let things go. I can’t change who she’s become, and there’s no way I’m going to be a home wrecker. I have morals, and even though I’d crossed boundaries in the past, this was different. She’d committed herself to someone else. I even feel bad about the letters that she’s written me because I know her husband couldn’t have been okay with some of the things she was saying to me.

I’m always going to love Kat. She’s the only one for me. I’m content with knowing there’s nothing I can do to change that. I was born to be with that woman. Maybe in our next life we’ll have a chance at love again. I’m not going to wish for her to get a divorce. I don’t want to share her with other people. I know that type of life would never make me happy. I wanted all of her, or nothing at all.

I pray that one day we can be friends again, but for now, I need time to cope. I’m a strong guy. I’ve been afraid of a lot of things, but this was something I couldn’t stop from happening. I’d lost the love of my life, once and for all. She was happy, and it was enough for me to step aside. It was the least I could do after making her wait so long for me to come home. Maybe one day I’ll find someone to share my life with. Sure, they won’t be my soul-mate, but I could learn to appreciate the love they have for me, because being alone like this feels as if I’m living in my own personal hell, with no way to exit.





Chapter 27


By the first of July I was doing a little better. I happened to enjoy my new job, and for the most part, staying busy. There wasn’t a day that went by where I didn’t think of Kat, but I was learning to handle it in a positive way. She’d know by now that I was home safe, and I could only hope that she’d reach out to my parents so they’d be able to meet her little girl. I knew something that important would mean the world to them. They’d spoil her to no end, and Kat would finally be able to stop worrying that they were still upset. To be honest, I don’t know if they were ever mad at her. Something told me they knew all along that the marriage to my brother was a huge mistake. It didn’t matter anymore. Kat was married to someone else. They were happy, and I was moving forward with my life.

Because of my injury, and traditions in the town nearest to base, I was signed up to be a part of the Independence Day parade. It was an easy gig. All I had to do was sit on the back of a truck and wave with my good arm. Since I’d recently been working with a therapist, my wrist and arm were killing me. It had gotten so bad in the past couple days that they put it in a splint while I was up during the day. Only at night could I take it out.

After helping out as much as I was able, I climbed down the back and prepared to do my part. To the crowd of people, I was a hero. Little did they know I was just a guy who was desperately trying to find my place in a world that I no longer associated with.

I don’t know why, but the whole time I stared out into the crowd, searching for the sight of Kat. I didn’t care if she was with her husband. I just wanted to see her there, smiling and happy, because somehow that gave me the courage to keep forging forward.

When the parade was over we all hopped off the truck to commence with the people. I was making my way to get a drink when I spotted her in the crowd. It was just for a second, and apparently that’s all it took. Down she fell to the ground, and all I could do was stare. Her husband fell to her side, followed by a crowd of spectators. Before I knew it I was being pushed to the side. I walked in another direction and stood next to a tree to make sure she was okay. The last thing I needed was to make a scene.