Lost and Found (Twist of Fate #1)(58)

“Just want to sleep, Xander.”

“I know, baby. But you’ll sleep better once you’re warm, okay? Did you hit your head on a rock? Do you know?”

I felt his head shake against my chest. “Not sure. Scratched my head,” he said as he lifted his hand to his head but stopped short of touching the bandage I’d covered the wound with. “And bumped my shoulder. My hip…”

“What’s my middle name?” I asked, trying to remember concussion assessment.

“Something dorky,” he muttered. “Like Kevin.”

Unfortunately, he was right.

“Who’s the president?”

“Are you trying to upset me?”

I dropped a kiss on his head and helped him take another few sips. “Okay, I think you’re fine to take a nap, but I’m going to wake you up every once in a while, just to be on the safe side.”

I emptied the mug of hot chocolate quickly and reached to set it outside the tent before I noticed Bennett try to get up. I held him tight to my chest. “What’re you doing?”

“Gotta go get Jimmy,” he said. “I’ll be fine.”

“Oh, no you’re not. You just need a little rest first. They’ll be okay,” I said as calmly as I could. I wasn’t about to tell him that even if he was feeling strong and healthy, we stood zero chance of making it to Jake’s camp before the big storm hit. We were going to shelter in place until the worst of the storm was over. That could be just the night or two days, for all we knew.

“But—” he said sleepily. “I’m fine, I promise.”

“I know, baby. But I’m really tired. Would it be okay with you if we just rested a little bit? I don’t think I can walk all that way just yet. I’m sorry,” I said softly, feeling his breathing regulate before I even got the words out.

By the time I got us laid back down in the sleeping bag, he was snoring gently in my arms, and I tried my hardest not to hold him to me in a death grip to make up for nearly costing him everything.

Instead of falling asleep with him, all I could think about was how many stupid ways I’d let him down or hurt him. Everything from ripping into him the moment he’d stepped off that bus, to fucking him in the woods against a tree and then accusing him of cheating, to letting him attempt a river crossing that was way too fucking dangerous. I’d known better. I’d known better and yet I’d let us try it anyway against my better judgement. And then I’d almost lost him.

Again.





Chapter 28





Bennett





I was finally warm. Warmer than I’d been in a long time. It kind of made me wonder if I was dead. But were you supposed to still feel pain when you were dead? Because both my head and arm hurt, though not badly.

When enough awareness returned that I could feel the hot, rough fingers skimming up and down my spine, I knew that, despite the pain, I had to be dead.

Because there was only one person’s fingers they could be. And the fact that I could feel them on my skin meant one thing.

I was finally where I’d wanted to be for so very long.

Naked in bed with Xander.

Okay, so bed was a stretch, but the sleeping bag was almost better. Even if the ground was hard beneath us, sharing one bag meant there was no choice but to be pressed up against one another. I wanted to believe I was draped across his chest with my palm laying directly over his heart because he wanted me there, but I wasn’t going to hope for something that would only cause me pain when reality intruded once again.

“Where are we?” I asked.

“We’re still by the river. We need to wait for the storm to pass.”

His voice was strange. It was off somehow, but I couldn’t put my finger on what the problem was.

“Are you okay, Xander?” I asked. I didn’t shift my position because I almost didn’t want to look at him. I was afraid I’d see something in his eyes that I didn’t want to see.

“No, Bennett,” he responded quietly. “I’m not okay.”

His fingers kept stroking over my spine, so I remained where I was. He sounded so… broken. It made me afraid to ask him what was wrong. Maybe he was mad at me for what I’d done, but I wouldn’t apologize for it. I’d never apologize for keeping him safe.

“Tell me about that night.”

I stiffened at that because it was the last thing I’d been expecting. Of course, I knew what night he was talking about. But he’d made it clear he didn’t want me to bring it up ever again. “You said—”

“I’m ready to hear it now.” He paused and said, “All of it.”

I knew what he was asking, and while the knowledge that he was ready to listen to my side of the story should have been a relief, I was oddly reluctant to talk about it. Despite my hesitation, I knew it was something we needed to lay to rest, and that could never happen if we didn’t face it head on.

“I had crew practice that afternoon, so I didn’t hear about what had happened until I got home and my mom told me. I begged her to take me to the hospital, but she said no— that it wouldn’t be appropriate.”

It had been and still was one of my mother’s favorite words. Things were never wrong or right or good or bad. They were just appropriate… or not.