Lincoln in the Bardo(26)
Shut your traps, so I can hear ’im, barked Mrs. Sparks, on all fours, ear to the ground.
roger bevins iii
XLI.
Wife of my heart laura laura I take up my pen in a state of such great exhaustion that only my deep love for all of you could so compel me after a day of such Unholy slaughter and fear. And must tel you frankly that Tom Gilman did not make it through the terrible fite. Our position being located in a copse. Much firing during which I heard a cry. Tom is hit & fallen. Our Brave & Noble frend laying upon his Face upon the Ground. I directed the Boys that we would avenge even if it meant stepping through the very gates of Hell.
Such is the state of my Mind that tho I know we set off in that direction & with that Intent, what happened next I cannot recall. Only that all is Well and I embrace my faithful pen to inform you I am at present safe and hope these lines find my Dear little family enjoying the same great Blessing.
I arrived here at this place by Distant journey. And confin’d all the while. It was a terrible fite as I believe I rote you. Tom Gilman is ded as I believe I rote you. But He who preserves or destroys by his Whim saw fit to preserve me to rite these lines to you. To say that although confin’d, I count my Blessings. I am Weary to the point I can scarcely tell where I am or how I got here.
I await the nurse.
Trees hang down. Breece blows. I am somewhat blue & afrade.
O my dear I have a foreboding. And feel I must not linger. In this place of great sadness. He who preserves and Loves us scarcely present. And since we must endeavor always to walk beside Him, I feel I must not linger. But am Confin’d, in Mind & Body, and unable, as if manacled, to leave at this time, dear Wife.
I must seek & seek: What is it that keeps me in this abismal Sad place?
captain william prince
A figure now burst up from the mounded earth, like some wild creature sprung from a cage, and began pacing about, anxiously gazing into the faces of Mr. Muller, Mrs. Sparks, and the others.
roger bevins iii
A soldier.
In uniform.
hans vollman
Don’t be afraid, someone drawled from the crowd. You was in that old place, and now you is in this new place here.
roger bevins iii
The soldier became translucent to the point of invisibility, as sometimes happens with us during intense cogitation, and, head first, re-entered the sick-hole.
Then of the instant was out again, look of bleak wonderment upon his face.
hans vollman
Dear wife of my Heart O Laura-Bunny, Inside my Confin’men is my trapings. I have just now looked. My cheek mole & hareline exact. It is uncomfortable to behold. With a sad look on the (burned!) face. And the torso marred by a grave wound difficult to I am here, am trapped here and I see of this instant what I must do to get free.
Which is tell the TRUTH & all shall be O I cant tel shal I tell shall I tell all?
I feel I must or
stay forever
In this drear & awful
Laura send the little ones away & see that they cannot hear what comes next.
I consorted with the smaller of the two. I did. In that rude Hamlet. Consorted with the smaller of the two and she asked after the Loket you had given me and asked Is she a good wife? even as she, atop me, gave a little thrust of the hips and looked me in the eye as to disgrace yr Honor but I assure you that (even as she thrust twise more, eyes still loked on mine) I did not give her that satisfaction, did not sully Yr name or memory, although to serve TRUTH (& thereby escape this place) I feel I must freely confess that as she bent low to proffer her womanly Charms, one of them and then the other to my mouth, asking did my wife do this was my wife as wild? I made an expulsion of breath that we both understood to mean NO my wife does not, my wife is not as Free. And all the further time we consorted there in that dirty leaning shed where her 3 babes did sleep on in there crude crib & her 2 pale Sisters and her Mother did kakle from the Yard, she kept the loket clenched in one hand and, when done, asked could she keep it? But my foul lust now rung out of me, I answered sharply that she could not. And took me to the woods. Where I wept. And there thought with true Tenderness of you. And desided it was kinder to deceive.
To deceive you.
captain william prince
He was pacing a wide stumbling circle now, head in hands.
roger bevins iii
The Moon was high and I said to myself sometimes a man must preserve the peace & spare the One he loves. Which I have done. Until now. I planned to tell you this not in a leter but in person. When perhaps the warmth of the telling might soften the blow. But my situation appearing hopeless in the extreme, my homecoming now never to occur, I tell all to you, cry out to you, in truest voice (I fuked the smaller of the 2, I did, I did it), in hopes that you, and He who hears & forgives all, will hear & forgive all and allow me now to leave this wretched—
captain william prince
Then a blinding flash of light came from near the obelisk, and the familiar, yet always bone-chilling, firesound associated with the matterlightblooming phenomenon.
roger bevins iii
And he was gone.
hans vollman
His shabby uniform pants raining down, and his shirt, and his boots, and his cheap iron wedding ring.
roger bevins iii
Some of the lesser members of the gathered crowd now began running amok, mocking at the soldier, inflicting various perverse and disrespectful postures upon his sick-mound—not out of meanness, for there is no meanness in them; but rather from excess of feeling.