Instead of You(50)

Good, bad, wrong, or right, I needed him to know.

“I love you,” I said against his lips between kisses. For seconds, the only thing I heard was the thundering of my pulse in my ears. “I don’t care if it’s wrong, it doesn’t make it feel any less real, any less true.” He was still quiet, his hands frozen in place on the sides of my face. Then they were quickly moved to my hips where he gripped me, picked me up, and placed me on the counter. My knees instinctively opened, and he immediately moved in between them. He was still so much taller than me, and even though it was pitch black, I still tilted my head up to look at him, knowing without a doubt he was looking down at me.

“You love me?” he asked, quickly followed by, “or you’re in love with me?”

I understood why he was asking, why he needed the clarification, and I wanted nothing more in that moment than to reassure him.

“Every part of me is in love with you.” The words left my mouth just before his lips descended. The kiss was soft and slow, lingering, as if he wanted it to be branded there, to last forever, to mark me. My hands lifted to his stomach, sliding around, pulling him closer to me. With every second of the kiss that elapsed, the panic within me rose. His kisses, unlike any kiss I’d ever received, were limited. We had an expiration date, I could feel it. There was no way for this to last. Something would pull us apart, wedge between us, crack the foundation we were standing on, which was already broken when we climbed atop it. I pulled away just as a sob ripped out of me, climbing out of my chest.

“You know I’m in love with you, Kenzie. I love you so f*cking much,” he said, holding my face to his chest as I cried. His hands pulled me into him, moving rapidly to make sure he got hold of all of me.

I didn’t answer him, couldn’t vocalize what I was thinking. It doesn’t matter how much we love each other; it’s all doomed anyway.





Chapter Eighteen


Hayes


Sitting at my desk, I looked over the assignment in front of me, the one I was supposed to be grading. I’d read the first paragraph four times already, each time losing interest and my mind wandering. I dropped the paper, exhaling loudly, running my hands over my face. It had been almost a week since McKenzie had told me she loved me, that she was in love with me. It wasn’t at all how I’d imagined those words passing our lips for the first time—in a dark bathroom, her crying, the words sounding more like a good-bye than the promise of a future together.

That night she’d wiped her eyes, dried her tears, pulled away from me—in so many ways—and gone home. She didn’t wait for her mother, didn’t kiss me good-bye, said practically nothing before leaving my house. It killed me. And since then she’d been distant, hardly speaking a word to me, answering my texts with short, one-word replies, and definitely not touching me. In fact, it seemed as though she was going to extra lengths to stay as far away from me as possible. She’d been late to class all week, coming in just after the bell, making it impossible for me to say anything to her in private, practically running for the door as soon as the period was over, and she’d stopped coming to my house with her mom.

That fact I couldn’t really blame her for, not after what my mother had said to her.

The door to the classroom opened with more force than usual, causing my eyes to dart in that direction. Mr. White strode in, his steps quick, a somewhat panicked look on his face.

“Mr. Wallace, I’m glad you’re here. There’s been somewhat of an emergency with my daughter, and I have to leave. Mrs. Anderson has given the okay for you to cover the rest of my classes, if you’re okay with that.” His statement was a question.

“Of course, I hope everything will be all right.”

“My daughter was in her PE class at the middle school, playing soccer, and they’re afraid she’s broken her leg. They already took her to the hospital by ambulance, so I’m headed there now. My wife is meeting me there.”

“Well, that sucks,” I said, running my hand through my hair, which I’d decided not to tie back that day. “Is there anything in particular you’d like me to cover? In your classes?”

“Oh, um,” he said distractedly as he patted all his pockets, finally pulling his car keys out of the front left one. “You know what? Just give the kids a study period. I’ll catch up tomorrow, or whenever I get back.”

I didn’t bother mentioning that tomorrow would be Saturday. I just nodded and watched as he gathered his belongings in a somewhat frantic manner.

“Don’t worry about anything here. I’ve got it covered.”

He gave me a very weak smile. “Thanks, Hayes.”

He left and I let out a sigh, pushing the paper I obviously couldn’t focus on away. I sat in silence for a few minutes, trying to find a solution to all my problems, to find that path that was obviously eluding me. When no answers came to me, I picked up my phone to text McKenzie.

**Come to my classroom during your lunch.**

It took a while for her to text back, which made sense since she was currently in class.

**You know that’s not a good idea.**

**Mr. White left for the day. The room will be empty.**

It wasn’t lost on me that I needed a convincing argument to get my girlfriend to come have lunch with me. Everything felt wrong, like it was slipping through my fingers and all I could do was grasp at the remaining pieces of what I thought we had together.