Instead of You(45)

“I’m not about to walk out in the trees to pee by myself. Where’s your sisterly solidarity? There could be creatures out there.”

“Fine,” I conceded. “Just give me a minute to get dressed.”

“Hurry, please,” she said, making me laugh as she did a little dance. I zipped the door closed again and turned around to see Hayes peek out from under the sleeping bag. I held my finger up to my mouth, making sure he didn’t say anything. I didn’t want Becca to hear him.

He gave me a stupidly cute smile and crooked a finger at me. His eyes were sparkling and his hair was absolutely all over the place, and his gorgeous lips were tipped up, smiling for me. I crawled toward him, and when I got close enough, he reached out and wrapped his hand around my neck, pulling me the rest of the distance until our lips met. He kissed me as his hands slid around my waist, dangerously close to my ass, until I pulled away.

I used my thumb to point to the door of the tent and he nodded. Then he gave me one last kiss before he buried himself in the sleeping bag again. I made sure all his belongings were out of sight, pulled on my sweatshirt and shoes, then unzipped the tent just enough for my body to slip out. Then I made sure to zip it up all the way before I walked with Becca to find a place for her to pee.

We walked in silence until she felt she was far enough from the tents and found a large bush, copping a squat. She’d come prepared with a roll of toilet paper. That fact made me giggle. I was not, however, too proud to ask to use it. On the way back to the tents, she led me closer to the water and started talking about her evening with Jacob.

“I stayed in his tent all night.” She said the words with a wince, as if she were afraid I would judge her for it.

“I figured, seeing as how you didn’t spend the night in my tent.” I gave her a smile, trying to show her that I wasn’t going to tease her or judge her for spending the evening with a guy. “Did you have a good time?”

She let out a dreamy sigh, and I think I saw little love birds flying around her head. “He’s so sweet, Kenz. He held my hand and it felt like I was fourteen again, holding a boy’s hand for the first time. He kissed me but didn’t pressure me to do anything else. We were just talking in the tent, not even, like, making out or anything, and he just held me until I fell asleep.” She let out another lovesick sigh. “Best night ever.”

I couldn’t disagree. But I also couldn’t tell her why my night was so exciting. “So, do you think you guys are going to start dating, like, exclusively?” I watched a blush come over her face in a wave, starting at her neck and moving up to her cheeks.

“He asked me to be his girlfriend last night.”

“Oh, God, you’re in trouble,” I said through a laugh. “You guys are gonna be the cutest and most barf-inducing couple ever.”

“I know!” she whisper-squealed, jumping up and down and quietly clapping her hands. After she calmed down a bit, she turned to me, both her hands wrapping around my forearm. “Nate was such an * last night, but you have to admit, watching Jacob, Ryan, and Todd get all alpha male on him was pretty hot.”

“Hot? I don’t know. It was nice of them….”

“Come on, Kenzie, Ryan’s been crushing on you for years. You can’t tell me that him kicking Nate out of his party for you wasn’t flattering in the least.”

Oh, no. The last thing I needed were rumors started about me and a guy. I wanted to fly low, under everyone’s radar. Eventually, if things worked out with Hayes and me, my friends would find out. But now was not the time.

“He threw Nate out of the party because he was being a poor excuse for a human being, not because he was trying to flatter me.”

“I don’t know,” she sang.

“Even if you’re right, even if he’s had a crush on me for years, I’m not looking to date anyone right now.”

“I know. You’re right. I’m sorry. Cory’s only been gone six weeks. Of course you’re not ready yet.” She sounded honestly contrite.

Even though it felt terrible, I had to let her believe that was the reason I didn’t want to pursue anything with Ryan. “Thanks for understanding,” I said as I shot her the guiltiest smile.

We made plans to pack up camp in an hour or so and try to beat the rush of all the other kids, who would inevitably be hungover and grumpy, up the hill. Becca said she’d get Holly, hoping she and Todd were asleep, not wanting to “get an earful.” Not that they were big exhibitionists, but it was early in the morning and they were alone in a tent. I understood her hesitance. Pancakes were on our agenda.

When I made it back to my tent I was almost giddy with the excitement of seeing Hayes again, getting the chance to kiss him again before he left, but I was sadly disappointed to find he was already gone. In the back of my mind I knew it was smart of him to leave early, lessening the chance of being seen by anyone, but after such an intense night, of feeling so connected to him, I was able to admit it hurt he hadn’t said good-bye.

He was gone. His shoes were gone. His clothes. I felt his absence in a scary way, as if an actual part of me were missing. I crawled back into my now-too-big sleeping bag and let out a heavy sigh, silently chiding myself for being so silly. But when I inhaled, I smiled.

Hayes.

I could smell him on my pillow.