Instead of You(46)

Two hours later, Becca, Jacob, Holly, Todd, and I all sat in a booth at our favorite breakfast spot. Ryan had driven us and our gear up the hill and looked a little dismayed that he couldn’t come with us. Holly invited him no less than ten times. She obviously couldn’t see me shooting her an angry look that said, “Shut up!” He’d declined every invitation, telling us he needed to stay behind and help everyone get up from the campsite. I waved and gave him a quick, “Good-bye,” before getting in the car.

I’d been wearing a ridiculous smile for the last half hour. As soon as we’d made it up the hill and off the compound, back into civilization and cell service, my phone pinged with a text.

**I took the opportunity to sneak out of camp while you were with Becca. Last night was amazing. Call me when you get home.**

It had taken me ten minutes to finally come up with a reply.

**I missed you when I came back. I’ll call you later.**

I didn’t want to seem needy or clingy, but I couldn’t contain the overwhelming feelings within me, all the emotions the night before had brought up. The decision to tell him I’d missed him was something I debated with myself over, but finally I decided to take the leap. I had missed him. I’d been disappointed to find him gone. I thought, if anything, maybe he needed the reassurance just as much as me.

“So, what do you guys want to do today?” Holly asked, just before she took a dainty bite of pancake.

“We could hit the mall?” This came from Jacob. He wasn’t exactly a stranger, but he was a new addition to our group—a welcome addition—but new nonetheless. I admired the way he didn’t seem intimidated by us and all of our long-standing friendships. He just kind of fit right in.

For the tiniest moment it occurred to me that there’d been a spot to fill. The one Cory had left open. But I pushed the thought aside, telling myself that Jacob would be there regardless. He was by no means trying to fill a role.

“I need to shower and change first,” Becca said, making a disgusted expression as she reached up and palmed her bun. All three of us girls were sporting the messy bun. Not out of choice, but out of necessity. We truly looked like we’d all spent the night sleeping on the ground.

“I think you look amazing,” Jacob said without one ounce of insincerity. The two of them locked gazes. Becca blushed, I rolled my eyes, and Holly and Todd continued to steal food from each other’s plates.

“Well, you guys have fun. I still have so much work to catch up on, I’ve got to go home.”

“What? No. Kenz, come with us. You can do homework tomorrow,” Becca begged, her voice whiney but sincere.

I hadn’t been to the mall with my friends in weeks, and part of me thought it would be fun, but then I thought about being the fifth wheel, especially to Becca and Jacob’s budding romance, and I knew it would just be awkward and uncomfortable. “No, really, I shouldn’t have even gone to the party last night.” I bit off a piece of my bacon, and watched my friends make plans for their afternoon.

The girls dropped me off at my house, and I used the side door to sneak into the garage, putting my camping gear away, a smile slipping across my face as I placed the sleeping bags back on their shelf, remembering Hayes’s fingers playing with the strands of my hair as we laid in them. When I went back around to the front of the house and opened the door, I found my mom and dad sitting in the living room. My dad was watching TV, reclined and relaxed, and my mom had her Kindle, reading while she lay on the couch.

When I came in they both turned to look at me and I took the obligatory moment to gauge their faces to see if they had realized I wasn’t where I said I’d be last night. My mom smiled so I let out a small breath of relief, knowing they hadn’t caught on.

“Hey, sweetie. Have fun with the girls last night?”

“I always do.” I returned her smile, but then headed toward my room. I stopped at the mouth of the hall when she kept talking.

“What are your plans for the rest of the day?”

“Just homework,” I said with a shrug, feeling the weight of everything I still had to do pressing down on my shoulders. “I’m still pretty far behind. I shouldn’t have even gone out last night.”

“Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, McKenzie.” This came from my father, who kicked the foot of his recliner down and spun around so he could face me. “Your teachers all gave you ample time to make up your work. There’s no need to cause yourself stress to finish it all in one week. Take it easy.”

My father’s concern warmed me. I found it impossible to not be a daddy’s girl, especially since I was an only child. His fatherly love and devotion was concentrated on me, and I loved it. Bloomed under it.

“Okay, Daddy. I’ll try.” He winked at me, spun back around. I looked to my mom. “Are you going to check on Mrs. Wallace today?” I knew my mom had been the one to stay with her until late last night because Hayes was supposed to be in Bellingham until today.

“I was going to head over there later. Hayes called me this morning and said he’d come home early, so I haven’t been there yet today.”

“I can go over there if you want, if you need a break.” I had both selfish reasons for offering to go, but also because my mom truly deserved some time away. She’d never say it, but caring for Mrs. Wallace was emotionally draining for her. I knew it chewed her up inside to see her best friend in such a fragile state, barely holding on to her sanity.