Image (Insight #3)(58)

I found it odd that Olivia would point that out. We were never those girls; we never understood them. I’d always feel their infatuation, excitement, sense of love, and then heartbreak. I remember being thankful that I’d have my gift of emotion to rely on when I committed to someone.

“We’re not in high school anymore; my time with Drake was more intense than a few dates to the movies,” I argued.

“That’s my point: those girls could actually remember their relationships – but you can’t; you’re letting yourself mourn for a love you can’t even remember,” she said.

“He’s mourning,” I said quietly.

“You can’t feel him,” she argued carefully.

“I can see it, and it hurts me to know that I’m the cause of so much misery,” I said.

“Listen,” she said, taking a deep breath, “I feel sorry for him, too. I know it couldn’t have been easy being raised around someone like Donalt. I’m more than sure that he escaped through you – thinking of you. He’s in love with the idea of you; who you were then and who he imagines you to be today. His day will come; he’ll find the right girl. You can’t wait for that day to forgive yourself...it’s a distraction that will only hurt you.”

I grinded my teeth, taking in her words. My eyes moved back to the canvas, and I noticed that the images I’d painted seemed to reflect the truth in Olivia’s words: Aliyanna’s eyes were happy and blissful, and Jayda’s were sorrowful. I let out a deep breath, then looked to Olivia. “I understand. I’ll work through this, but you have to understand that it’s not a switch I can turn off. I have to see beyond what’s in front of me, and I know that I’ve barely scratched the surface of what this soul has seen. The darkness is my focus...I promise,” I said.

“You know, I admire you more every single day,” Olivia said, smiling.

“Don’t,” I said, shaking my head from side to side.

I felt Clarissa, Felicity, and Stella making their way up the stairs; all of them had the intent of helping Olivia reach me, to pull me out of my self-destruction. I let out a breath.

“Backup is coming,” I mocked, tilting my head to the doorway.

Felicity came in first; her eyes were drawn to the portrait, and she was full of every emotion imaginable. Clarissa and Stella then came to my side, and I opened my arms and hugged Stella. I felt so bad for her; I’d thought I was saving her from some dark place, but the truth was she was still there - now forced to carry the stress I’d brought to my family.

As Felicity stepped closer to the painting, I followed her eyes; they were staring at the image of Drake. “I didn’t realize how attractive he is,” she said, almost to herself.

Stella blushed slightly as she let me go. I felt the resentment rise in Clarissa; she was a traveler, and she’d seen him at a distance on more than one occasion.

“Olivia has done a good job of giving me a reality check. I’m afraid your work is done,” I said, standing and stretching my back.

Felicity turned to look at me. “Then why do you still look horrible?” she asked, amused by her words.

“Thanks,” I said, looking to the balcony. Landen and Brady had collided in mid-air, and laughter erupted from the ground below. I smiled slightly, glad that Landen was so relaxed.

I felt the tension rise in the room; none of them knew how to handle the mood I was in now. Felicity turned and walked to me. “Willow, every woman has her doubts from time to time; this is normal,” she said in a sympathetic tone.

I looked at her like she was crazy. The others had surrounded me, and all of them felt so concerned. “Doubts about what?” I asked, trying to read them all at once.

“Listen,” Clarissa said, putting her hand on my shoulder. “It’s harder for you because Landen can feel you. The rest of us can struggle with our emotions in private, but you’re forced to unveil yours to him.”

“I don’t hide anything from Landen,” I said as clearly as I could.

“You’ve never pushed an emotion away because you didn’t want him to know you had it?” Clarissa asked, raising one eyebrow.

“I push emotions away so I won’t have to deal with them – not him,” I said.

“Willow, we just want you to know that we’re here for you and that we’ll listen to you and not push you,” Felicity said, moving in front of Clarissa.

“What has gotten into you guys? There’s no doubt. I’m not struggling with my emotions. I’ve been through a lot, and I think I have a right to sort through what’s happened to me without my love for Landen being doubted,” I said, louder than intended.

They all grew silent and looked away from me.

“Is this what you guys did for the last three days? Debated on if I’d ‘choose’ Landen or Drake? If that’s the case, I want you to know that hurts,” I said.

“No, no, no,” Stella said, looking up at me. “We spent the last three days at Aora’s side. She told us that we were your council.” She pointed to herself and said, “Fire,” to Felicity and said, “Air,” to Clarissa and said, “Earth,” and to Olivia and said, “Water. We make up the elements that will support you when you’re faced with adversity.”

The others had been nodding along with Stella’s expressive explanation. I moved my head from side to side, frustrated with Aora and Pelhan’s half-guided direction. “You should have just asked her who, what, when, and where - and then all of this would be over,” I said sarcastically.