Image (Insight #3)(54)

I shook my head from side to side. “I just need to rest,” I said, smiling slightly.

She nodded. “I’ll come by in the morning,” she promised.

Brady stopped at my porch, and I stepped out and leaned in to kiss Landen through his window.

“Will you tell everyone I said goodnight?” I asked him.

“I’m sure they’re just as eager to rest as you and I,” he thought, smiling.

I smiled at Brady and Felicity, then turned to walk up my front steps. It was dark, but I could still see the glow of energy around the flowers of every color that decorated our house. The door was unlocked; it always was. As I climbed the stairs, I didn’t turn on any lights. In a daze I walked to the bathroom in my bedroom.

I stared into the mirror at my refection: my eyes had dark circles beneath them; it seemed to enhance the emerald green that was staring back me. I did feel older - not one year, millions of years. I couldn’t find the courage to turn on the shower; instead, I let the tub fill with steaming hot water. I pulled my shirt over my head and stared at the faint line that set above my heart; I could feel the scar beneath it, and the pain I felt as the blade moved through me suddenly came to me...standing there now, I had no idea how I’d found the courage to do that.

Every moment from the time I saw Perodine wading in the water until now raced through my mind, and I felt the emotions of every intense second as if it were happening at that moment. I started to breathe harder; it felt like my chest was closing in. I tried to focus on the mirror, my image, to tell myself that I was here now, that it was over. But in my reflection, I saw Alyianna, Jayda, and all the images that I’d seen merge into my charm. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath – but calm still escaped me. I made my way to the tub and slowly slid into the steaming water, feeling it burn my skin. I then let my entire body submerge under the water.

Underneath the water, I found the silence and peace that I’d been grasping for, and I felt my mind numb - finding peace for the first time in days. When my breath expired, I slowly rose. As my hands brushed the water from my face, I stared at my tattoo: the star Drake had placed in the center of the Ankh. His memory flooded my mind. I could have lost him; a few weeks ago I would have seen that as a victory, but that night I was selfishly glad that he was still in my life.

I felt Landen approaching the house and pushed my thoughts of Drake away. I then sensed Landen drifting through the house and heard water running; I assumed he was showering in one of the other bathrooms. As I moved the soap across my body, my mind began to play over the last few days; this time, at peace, I could see clearly. I’d wanted so badly to have a chance to know who I was in my past lives, and that night that desire was granted. My hand settled on my charm, and the visions of all I was moving back into it gave me strength. I let the memories that Aliyanna gave me dance through my mind: growing up with Landen at my side, coming to Chara, Libby - they were so beautiful.

My mind moved to Jayda’s life. As the memory of her touch came to me, so did the grief she felt. I tried to call back the images of her children, to see if they even slightly resembled Libby, but she’d never clearly shown them to me. My charm hummed, and her visions grew clearer to me. In my calm state, I felt every emotion she had as she traveled back to Oba, and I heard the words she said to Samilya’s children to comfort them.

Through her eyes, I watched as maids dressed me to stand before Oba for my punishment; I felt the fear as if the moment were occurring right then and there. Jayda had never laid eyes on him before. Through her eyes, I watched as she was escorted to his throne. When the doors opened before her, I expected to see the image of Landen as Oba, but I didn’t. I moved slowly forward, gripping the sides of the tub as my memory played a lost past for me. Before me was a perfect face, the face of a king - the face of Drake. I watched as he fell and the darkness left him, just as I had days ago. My stomach turned, and heat came to my face. I was struggling to remain calm, not to alert Landen. I didn’t understand; how could he have been Oba? Oba was my soulmate; our love overcame the darkness.

Through Jayda’s eyes, I searched every memory, looking for Landen - but he was nowhere to be seen; I realized that Jayda was not only grieving for her children, but also for not knowing Landen. As I took ownership of these thoughts, the charm on my neck warmed, and disgust for myself emerged in my soul. His memories were of me, and I’d given him every reason to believe that my soul was his. He was going to give his life for someone who never could have truly loved him.

My mood shifted to anger; if Drake could remember our lives together, then he knew all along who he was in that life. If he’d already had victory against the demon, it didn’t make any sense to me that he’d ask me to take his life. My sympathy for him diminished. I felt betrayed; he was no different from the others that guided me and Landen - they only tell us what they want us to know.

I grinded my teeth as the agony I lived through overcame me; I felt like I’d wasted three days of my life and put my family through torment – for nothing.

When the water turned cold, I pulled myself out, feeling more exhausted then when I’d began. I focused on how I’d feel in Landen’s arms and pushed the anger and betrayal I felt for Drake deep inside of me. I pulled on my robe and opened the door, looking for Landen; he was sitting on the edge of our bed, holding a very small cake with one candle burning. A smile spread across my face as he walked slowly to me, humming “Happy Birthday.” I blew out the candle and reached up to kiss him.