I Stand Before You (Judge Me Not #2)(86)

“How pissed do you think Father Maridale will be once he realizes we both skipped Mass?” I ask Kay after we’re showered and dressed and just hanging out, rocking lazily on the swing out on the back porch. “I think he’s going to figure we’re together.”

She shrugs her shoulders, pulls her legs up to her chest, and adjusts her jeans shorts. “It’s our business what we do, Chase.”

“I don’t know about that,” I retort with a chuckle.

I then tell her how Father Maridale warned me not to hurt her. “I’m sure that meant I wasn’t supposed to get involved with you,” I add.

My girl does not appear happy to hear this. “I can make my own decisions,” she snaps.

Her lips set, and she stares out over the land, which is vibrant green and kind of sparkly under today’s exceptionally blue and sunny sky.

My girl bites her lip. Quietly, she asks, “Is that why you said you were ‘trouble’ the day we first kissed?”

I stop the swing’s lazy movement and turn to my girl. “What I said had nothing to do with Father Maridale. I mean, I tried to respect his wishes.”

I run my hand through my hair, take a breath, then cup sweet girl’s chin so she’ll look at me and see how serious I am about this. “I love you, Kay, but the trouble part I talked about is true. It’s not that I was trouble; I am trouble, baby girl. I’ll never really be right.”

Her hand rests on my back, right about where feathers that will never stop falling lie hidden beneath the T-shirt I’m wearing.

“I am broken, remember?” I reach back and press her hand to the falling feathers, the broken wings. “I may be healing, but I will never be whole.”

“You’d never hurt me,” she whispers, her hand sliding up to where the ink angel is kneeling.

God, I hope not, I think. But to Kay, I just nod…and pray she’s right.

We sit back and I resume rocking for a while longer. Kay tells me she plans to go to the cemetery, but not until evening. I half-expect her to ask me to join her, which I’d do in a heartbeat. But though she hesitates and chews her lip in what I guess is contemplation, the invitation never comes.

I suspect her reticence has to do with the secret she’s been trying to share with me. I don’t care what it is; it won’t change my feelings for her. But she sure seems to believe it might. When she tried to tell me yesterday morning, and I sensed she literally wasn’t able to, it just about broke my heart. But her secret has to do with what happened the night her sister died, and that kind of shit runs deep. Her mother turning her back on my girl sure didn’t help matters.

Damn, I’d like to have a nice, long talk with that mother of hers, the coldhearted woman who abandoned my girl at her most vulnerable time. No wonder Kay can’t find her words, she obviously fears I’ll turn my back on her too. Never, never. I’ll always be here for my sweet girl, no matter what the f*ck has happened in her past.

Now that the subject of Sarah has come up, Kay looks down and out. It’s such a beautiful day, though, and it’d be a waste to allow despondency to prevail.

I feel like we need to do something that will cheer Kay up, so I throw out, “Hey, would you want to go fishing today?”

My girl’s eyes light up. “Yeah, that sounds like fun.” She smiles slyly. “Besides, I believe we still have a bet, mister.”

Oh, shit. Not the wager that would require me to sit in the front of the church between Missy and Kay if I don’t catch more fish than my girl. That is so not happening.

I scramble. “Well, I think that bet is off, babe. You’re already living on my property, and that’s what I was going to ask for when I won, remember?”

My girl pokes me in the arm and laughs. “When, not if? Aren’t you the confident one? You’re that sure you’ll win, eh?”

I nod, and she frowns. “Hey, there’s a very good chance I might actually catch more fish than you, you know. And that, my friend, would result in a victory for me.” She gives me a take-that expression. “I haven’t gotten what I want yet, Chase.”

“All right, all right,” I concede. But the whole time I’m acting all nonchalant with Kay I am telling myself I damn well better win this stupid-ass bet.

A half an hour later we’re down at the creek on my property. Kay’s sitting on one of the banks, clad in the tank top and jean shorts she had on earlier. She’s holding her pole, while I bait the hook.

“I knew you were going to freak out over the worms,” I say, quirking an eyebrow as I glance up at her.

“It’s not that I’m afraid of them, Chase. I just feel bad impaling them like that.” She glances distastefully to the end of the line, where I’ve done exactly that to one of the slippery buggers.

I laugh. “Oh, sweet girl, pitying earthworms.” I shake my head and kiss her cheek, before I sit back down and pick up my own pole.

“Do you think we’ll catch anything?” she asks.

I shoot her a sidelong glance. “It usually takes more than a minute.”

“Smart ass,” she mumbles.

Another few seconds pass, and restless girl says, “I’ve always heard it’s best to fish early in the morning. Isn’t this kind of late? It’s after two.”