Highly Illogical Behavior(52)

“Yeah,” she answered. “I’m sure.”





TWENTY-FIVE


    SOLOMON REED


By all accounts, Solomon was doing better than ever. He had friends, he was going outside again, and his panic attacks were at a three-year low. Everything was looking up for him, considering how he’d spent the last few years. But now, with the thought of Clark secretly reciprocating his feelings and what that could mean for the three of them, Solomon couldn’t help wondering how quiet and safe his life would still be had the two of them never shown up.

He didn’t have much time to think about what he’d do, though, because just an hour after Lisa left, he heard someone banging on the front door. It was Clark, covered in sweat and bent over trying to catch his breath.

“Are you okay?” Solomon asked from inside the house.

“I . . . yeah . . . I just . . .” he said through his heavy breathing. “I just ran like four miles, I think.”

“From your house?”

“Yeah.”

“Impressive.”

“Is it a million degrees out or what?”

“Come in,” Solomon said, stepping out of the way. “I’ll get you some water.”

Clark followed him into the kitchen and chugged two whole glasses of water. He leaned back against the counter, his hair dripping with sweat, and looked over at Solomon like he needed to tell him something. For a split second, Solomon got a rush in his chest like maybe it was about to happen—like the world he ran away from had still managed to send someone just for him. All Clark had to do was say it.

“What did she tell you?” he asked instead.

“She said you guys had a fight.” Solomon gripped the sides of the counter where he sat and tried not to let Clark see him shake.

“Did she tell you what it was about?”

“Sort of.”

“She thinks we’re having a torrid affair or something.” Clark started to laugh, but stopped himself when he saw his friend’s face.

“I think I love you,” Solomon said, staring down at the floor.

“Oh. Don’t do that, man.”

“Why?”

“You know why.”

“Oh my God,” Solomon said. “She was wrong.”

“Sorry,” Clark said.

“For what?”

“That . . . this is the way it is, I don’t know. Sorry I can’t be different.”

“This is the weirdest day of my life.”

“Mine too,” Clark said. “Why doesn’t she believe me?”

“I don’t know.”

“We’ve ruined your life, haven’t we? We just showed up and brought all this bullshit with us.”

“You haven’t ruined anything.”

“It’ll be fine, right? Things will go back to normal and we’ll laugh this all off.”

“We will?”

“Of course we will,” Clark said. “Unless I wake up gay one day and then everybody wins.”

Clark cringed, obviously afraid it hadn’t landed right. But Solomon knew he was just being Clark—the guy who could always find a way to make you feel better than you should be feeling.

“Shut up,” Solomon said. “I can’t believe she did this.”

“What do I do, man?”

“Do you still love her?”

“I think so.”

“You think so?”

“I’ve never fallen out of love before, so I think I still do, but maybe I just don’t know the difference.”

“You’d know,” Solomon said. “You just have to look at your life before her and then after her and see which one you like better.”

“I don’t think it’s that easy.”

“Shouldn’t it be, though?”

Solomon hopped down from the counter and waved for Clark to follow him. They walked out into the backyard and each took a seat by the pool. For a few minutes, neither of them said anything. It seemed like a perfectly normal thing to do by a pool, to sit there soaking up the sun in silence, but it was about to make Solomon lose his mind.

“Why does she hate it here so much?” he asked.

“She’s not like us, man.”

“What do you mean?”

“Her family. There’s always some drama. Her mom . . . she just . . . she’s not great. She’s nice enough, but everything’s got to be about her. You live long enough with somebody like that and getting as far away as possible becomes your best option. I think that’s what happened with Lisa’s dad, but she never talks about it.”

“And you like it here.”

“I do. It’s home, you know? I’ve got my family. I’ve got you now. I don’t need to leave.”

“Me neither.”

“Dude, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but I’d switch places with you in a second.”

Solomon believed him, too. It was the thing they had most in common—all they wanted was a quiet place to be invisible and pretend the world away. And that’s exactly what they had before things got weird. Now, no matter what they told themselves or each other, it would always be different. After all, no first love goes away overnight, especially one that’s always right in front of you, but just out of your reach.