Highly Illogical Behavior(48)
TWENTY-THREE
SOLOMON REED
Sometimes Solomon had issues with guilt. And he couldn’t talk to anyone about it, because he was afraid that would make it worse. He saw it like this: He didn’t have any real problems. People starved to death. People got diseases. People’s homes burned down, got torn apart by tornadoes, got repossessed. He was a spoiled kid in suburbia who was too high-strung to deal with the real world.
Lisa and Clark came along and made things better, though. Way better. But, that didn’t help any with the guilt. In fact, every time they left his house, he’d get a shooting pain deep in his stomach, remembering that this is all he could be for them. And he was scared, too. He was afraid they’d always be waiting for him to change even more than he already had. Being outside had reinvigorated him, sure, but it hadn’t made him want to leave the house. It got him closer. Of course it did. But, that was a long time away and he knew it. Now he had everything he needed and friends who would come see him, invitation or not. He wasn’t so sure this was a step in the direction they all wanted, but he still held out hope that he’d get there eventually, that one day he’d wake up and it wouldn’t be enough for him anymore.
Solomon didn’t know what it felt like to be in love. He’d seen it a million times, big and sweeping and beautiful in TV and movies. But he’d always wondered what it actually felt like to think about another person that much, to lose himself in someone else. Now he was thinking maybe he knew.
The day after his impromptu skinny-dip with Clark, Solomon called his grandma. It was time, he’d decided. He’d tell her how he felt about Clark and she’d have some pearl of wisdom for him, some Southern saying that would hit him in all the right places and put things into perfect perspective. That, or she’d ask him something inappropriate about gay sex and he’d get too embarrassed to keep talking to her.
“Joan Reed Realty. We’ll take you home,” she answered.
“Hi, Grandma.”
“Michael Phelps? Is that you?”
“Funny. Want to have lunch with your grandson?”
“Well, isn’t this a nice surprise. You finally have some time for me? Did your friends drown in the pool?”
“I thought you wanted me to have friends.”
“I do. You know I’m just picking on you. What do you want, In&Out?”
“You read my mind.”
When she got there, Grandma insisted they eat their cheeseburgers outside on the back patio. Solomon was sort of afraid he’d never get to be inside the house with his grandma again.
“What’s on your mind?” she asked, taking a bite.
“Nothing.”
“You haven’t called to invite me for lunch since you were fourteen. So, what’s buttering your biscuit?”
“What?”
“What’s bothering you. Context clues, Solomon. Context clues.”
“Sorry. Umm . . . I think I’m in love.”
“You’re kidding me,” she said, dropping the burger onto her plate. “With Lisa?”
“Clark,” he said with a shaky voice.
“Shut up!” she said, nearly shouting. “I can’t wait to tell my friends. I’m the first with a gay grandson; they’ll be so jealous.”
“Jealous?”
“Sweetie, come on. I’m hip. You think your grandma hasn’t been dancing in West Hollywood before?”
“You have?”
“The gays love me. I think it’s my accent.”
“It’s definitely your accent,” he said. “Anyway, so . . . yeah. Clark.”
“You can do better,” she said bluntly.
“No, Grandma. It’s not like that. He’s straight.”
“I see. This is what’s so complicated. You have to date and figure out who plays for your team. It must be exhausting.”
“I don’t want to hurt Lisa’s feelings, either.”
“Of course not. She’s been good to you, Sol.”
“I know.”
“You sure he’s . . . you know . . . not into you?” she asked.
“First off, please don’t say that. And, yeah, I’m pretty sure.”
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you. To me, it seems weird for a straight boy to spend all his time with a gay boy. But, just saying that aloud makes me think I’m completely wrong.”
“Me too.”
“Is he your best friend, Sol?” she asked. “Do you guys talk about everything?”
“Pretty much.”
“Then you know what you need to do.”
“Talk to him?”
“Exactly.”
“Thanks, Grandma. I think you’re right. I don’t want to lose him.”
“Just be careful, okay? Don’t get your feelings hurt too bad. We are who we are. You know that better than anyone.”
? ? ?
Solomon knew the second he told his grandma about being gay that it wasn’t a secret anymore. You’ll remember that she liked gossip about as much as Solomon liked Star Trek, so telling everyone had been his plan from the start. But how would he do it? How do you tell the two people who know everything about you that they actually don’t?