Highly Illogical Behavior(51)

“Hi,” she said, slipping off her flip-flops and sitting at the edge of the pool. She put both feet in and Solomon paddled his raft over toward her.

“What’s up? Where’s Clark?”

“Home,” she said. “We kind of had a fight.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you guys did that.”

“We don’t. Not usually. I don’t know. He’s been acting weird lately.”

“Weird how?”

“Well, I really only see him if it’s over here. And, not that I don’t like hanging with you or whatever, but, you know, it would be nice to get some time alone.”

“No, I get it,” he said, a guilty look on his face.

“I think he likes you,” she said, biting her lip and getting it over with.

“What?” He took off his sunglasses.

“I think maybe he likes you how he used to like me.”

“I don’t think so, Lisa. You just need to talk to him.”

“I’ve known Clark for a long time, and I’ve never seen him as happy as he is over here. He gets around you and it’s like he turns into a little kid again. And you can’t tell me you don’t feel the same. I know you do.”

“Lisa, I . . .”

“It’s okay. I’m not mad. Please don’t think I’m mad. I just didn’t expect him to reciprocate, that’s all. I thought we were safe.”

“Safe? Wow.”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I came out to my parents yesterday. My grandma, too.”

“Really? That’s so great, Sol.”

“Is it? Or is it dangerous?”

“Come on.”

“Nothing’s happened, just so you know. I’d never do that to you.”

“I know,” she said. “But maybe you should.”

“What?”

“I think he’s stuck. He doesn’t want to break my heart, maybe.”

“Oh,” he said, sliding off the raft and into the water. He waded over and leaned against the side of the pool by her legs.

“Do you love him?” she asked, looking down.

“That doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does. Do you? I think maybe you do.”

“I think so, yeah,” he said. “Sorry.”

“We’ve never had sex, you know? Not once.”

“I didn’t. We don’t really talk about that kind of stuff.”

“Never? It can’t be games and TV all the time.”

“It sort of is, though. He isn’t one for serious conversation. I’m sure you know that.”

“I do. But I think he’s just scared. Maybe he’s waiting for you.”

“This is so f*cking weird. What is it you want me to do, Lisa?”

She’d never seen him so frustrated and, all at once, she realized how heavy this must’ve been weighing on him. Maybe he’d loved Clark this whole time. If Janis could find her soul mate at Camp Christ Is Risen, then surely it was possible for the two of them to fall in love playing dorky strategy games and watching shows about space travel.

“Tell him how you feel,” she said. She was holding back tears that had somehow found a way to fill her eyes.

“What if you’re wrong?”

“I’m never wrong,” she said. “Tell me a good reason you two aren’t perfect together, and I’ll let you off the hook. I can learn to deal with this. I’d rather it be you than anyone else. It’ll just be weird at first. Then maybe we’ll laugh about it someday. Like, Hey, remember when Clark and Lisa were together? That was a mistake, wasn’t it?”

“No one’s going to say that.”

And then she saw that look on his face and was ready to help him count to ten and breathe slowly and get out of the pool. But this time it wasn’t a panic attack. He was crying.

“I tried so hard not to love him, Lisa. Please know that,” he said quietly.

“I do,” she said. “It’s not easy.”

“See why I am the way I am? You people are too complicated.”

“You’re outside right now and you’re in love. You’re one of us, dude.”

“Shit,” he said. “I can’t do it.”

“You can,” she said. “I know you can. And even if I’m wrong, won’t you be glad you told him? So it’s not torturing you?”

“I guess,” he said. “But what if he never talks to me again?”

“He’s not like that,” she said. “He’s Clark. He’ll be okay.”

“So if he wouldn’t tell you, what makes you think he’ll tell me?”

“He won’t have to,” she said. “You’ll both just know. It’s like that with love.”

“Well, the second I step outside, everything starts going to total shit.”

“There’s no escaping it.”

“What?”

“Life.”

“Say you’re sure,” he said. “Please.”

She thought about the question for a few seconds. She was sure of many things: that she wanted as far away from Upland as possible, that her mother would always be sad and lonely, and that Solomon would keep getting better, with or without her. These were inevitabilities. Time would prove that. But was this inevitable, too? Were Solomon and Clark meant to be together?