Hidden Monsters (Volkov Bratva #4)(53)

She looked from him to the wall, feeling the blush heat her cheeks as she cleared her throat, setting the roller down on the side of the pan. She had been on autopilot, too focused on him to even see the work she had been doing. Not to mention the fact that she had been painting over the same spot.

“Right, sorry.”

She turned back around, looking for any other place that she could start on, preferably away from him if she wanted to get this done.

“What’s on your mind?”

What he would look like completely naked, but she doubted he wanted to know that truth.

“Nothing important.”

She could tell he didn’t believe that, but he didn’t call her on it. “Are you ready to talk about it?”

This time he was asking her instead of the other way around, and now that she was on the receiving end of it, Alex wanted to find a way out of the conversation.

“Talk about…”

“Anya? Snow? Mikhail? Viktor? Mishca? Me? Take your pick.”

“Luka—”

“Viktor was a bastard, you and I both know that. Mikhail…” He smiled apologetically as he looked back at her. “He wasn’t much better.”

“It wasn’t about them,” Alex muttered, looking back at the wall.

“Anya was—”

“It was just everything, Luka,” she said interrupting him. “There was just a lot going on and I didn’t know how to handle it. I just…I couldn’t get any of it off my mind, not when I was sober.”

She wanted to leave it at that, but in the next breath, she was unloading on him, telling him everything she had been afraid to tell another person. There was something both freeing and terrifying about telling someone your innermost thoughts, hoping they understood, but she was glad she did. By the time she was winding down, she felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

He came around to her side, pulling the brush from her hand. “Why didn’t you come to me before?”

“It’s not that I didn’t want to. There was never a right time. And I can’t run to you about every little thing. You’re not always going to be around.”

He didn’t respond, just searched her face for answers that she didn’t have for him.

“I can’t promise that I won’t get overwhelmed again. I can’t even promise that I won’t push you away, but I’ll do better.”

A second ticked by before Luka pulled her in his arms, his hand drifting beneath the fall of her hair, his fingers sifting through the strands. His body was warm, overly so, but she thrilled in the feel of it. If there was ever a time where she felt the calmest, then it was with him.

“When you need me, I’m right here. Even when you’re being f*cking stubborn. I’m right here.”

She slapped his chest, laughing, but he didn’t let her pull away. “Thanks, Luka.”

Kissing the top of her head, he let her go. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine.”

“Right, now tell me the truth.”

It wasn’t that that had been a lie necessarily. She didn’t feel as bad as she had when she was coming down, but she wasn’t back up to full strength yet. She still had a long way to go before then.

“I feel better. Good enough?”

Swiping a bit of paint onto her forehead, he nodded. “For now.”

____

It was amazing what they could accomplish when they weren’t fighting and dedicated themselves to a singular task. While they hadn’t done much besides paint, and throw out a few things, the place already looked more habitable.

“You’ve been living here for years and you’re just now getting furniture, Luka?” she asked the next morning as they browsed a homeware store. Well…she did most of the browsing. He just glared at anyone who stared at them longer than a few seconds.

“It’s what I’m used to,” he murmured absently, fiddling with his phone.

Alex glanced up at him, trying to gauge whether he was serious, but when his expression didn’t waver, she felt an overwhelming sadness for him. She hadn’t really ever wanted for anything, not material at least.

“You deserve a comfortable bed, at least. And a pillow.”

He chuckled, though it sounded forced. “Thanks for caring.”

Did he ever think she didn’t?

Looking back at his phone, he scanned the screen then frowned. “I’ve got a drop. You can finish this—” he gestured out to the store “—another time. See you later?”

“Sure. I’ll be at my place.”

“Alex—”

“I’m fine, Luka. Feel free to check on me when you’re finished, if you must.”

“Yeah, all right.”

She hung around the store a little while longer after he left, making a list of what she would pick up later when she could get Luka back in there.

Hailing a cab, she thought of going to her apartment but decided against it. While she still wasn’t clear what happened between her and Snow that last night, she definitely remembered the time before that…and how she wasn’t sure whether Snow had bothered to wear a condom.

There was a small walk-in clinic close to her apartment, and there was no point in putting it off any longer.