Hidden Monsters (Volkov Bratva #4)(50)

Now they were getting somewhere. Feeling lucky, Alex carefully asked, “Do you want to talk about what made your day so bad?”

She fully expected him to say no, had already prepared herself to hear the word, but instead, he asked a question of his own.

“You hungry?”

____

Down in the kitchen, Alex watched as Luka made his way around the kitchen, pulling out copper cookware and utensils, raiding his fridge next. Chicken, potatoes, asparagus, and a number of herbs and peppers were set on the counter.

Though it had only been that morning that she’d watched him prepare breakfast, he’d already finished the majority of it by the time she’d gotten out of the shower and joined him. Now that she was watching him from the beginning, Alex realized just how good he was.

Given his love of knives, she shouldn’t have been so surprised at how expertly he wielded it. It was like he was just as comfortable cutting up a lemon as he was cutting into a man.

He’d just set a pan on the stove, turning one of the burners on when he spoke. “What’d you do after I left?”

“Ate, took Loki out for a walk—you should have told me he hates leashes by the way—did a little blow, then went shopping for your place.”

He was a little slow in processing what she’d said, but as soon as it clicked, he turned the full force of his glare on her.

Brows raised, she asked, “Too soon?”

“What else?”

“Nothing. I stayed here all day slaving away in here until you got here with a rod jammed up your ass. You know, before you decided to act like a dick, you could have at least took a look around to see what I did.”

For a moment, he looked uncomfortable. “You didn’t have to clean my house. I wasn’t looking for repayment.”

“Then don’t look at it that way. Consider it a gift.”

His lips thinned, but he didn’t seem to have an answer for that. If anything, he looked uncomfortable by the idea of her giving him a gift.

“You don’t like gifts?” she asked, tucking her fist beneath her chin.

He was quiet for a moment, pondering his answer. “Nothing is ever free. Not even gifts. Even things that are supposed to be freely given come with a price tag.”

She frowned. “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I didn’t do this because I wanted something from you. It was the least I could do after…well, after everything.”

Picking at the paper towel in her hand, she tore it to shreds, moving the little pieces around the table. “Are you going to tell Mish about Snow?”

“What would I say? You were f*cking a guy in exchange for drugs and I found out about it? I’m not sure how well that’s going to go over.”

Wincing, she looked away from him. “That’s not how it happened.”

That was the wrong thing to say. He turned away from the stove, leveling her with a stare that was almost frightening in its intensity. “No? Enlighten me.”

“You’re already mad,” she whispered, still looking out the window. “I don’t want to make your mood worse.”

He crossed over, the island separating them as he leaned forward. “Why? Are you afraid of me?”

To this, Alex met his gaze. “I’ve never been afraid of you, Luka. There’s never a reason to be.”

His smile was cold and unkind. “If you knew what I plan to do to him, then you would rethink that. Fuck, if you knew what I like to do, you’d rethink that.” He shook his head, his smile slipping. “Don’t make me into something I’m not, Alex. I’m not a good person. I never will be.”

“But you are,” she answered softly. “No one else would have done what you did for me.”

“Is that it?” he asked, still staring at her. “I do one nice thing for you and you forget who I am?”

“What’s there to forget, Luka? I remember every little thing about you.”

Luka looked…irritated? “You don’t even know me.”

“But I want to.” She reached for the hand he had balled into a tight fist just in front of her, but when she saw the tendons stand out, she sighed, not moving any closer. “I’ve always wanted to. You know that.”

“And I’ve never understood why. What do you see, Alex? Tell me, I want to know. I’m not a pet project for you to f*ck around with until you get bored.”

“That’s not—”

“And you do get bored easily.”

“Luka!”

He blinked, as he had just come out of a trance. That anger that had seemed so present in him drifted away.

“I only ever wanted to be your friend.”

He shoved a hand through the thick tangles of blond hair on his head. “You’re not my friend.”

Her heart sank in her chest, and she wondered again why she had put herself in this position, begging for something he didn’t want to give.

“Then what am I?” Maybe if he said, ‘nothing’, she’d be able to sever this draw she felt to him. Maybe she wouldn’t care as much.

He blew out a breath, his tongue peeking out as it swept over the corner of his lip. “More than that.”

And as quickly as that invisible bond seemed to loosen, it grew taut once more. This was helpless, she knew, but she didn’t think she could let him go until he asked her to…and maybe not even then.