From Ashes (From Ashes #1)(36)
My eyes narrowed. If I didn’t want him around? He was the one who left me! “I would never get in the way of you and Ty.”
“That’s not what I’m asking.”
Well, I don’t want to answer that. I looked away and tried to slow my racing heart again. Gage brushed my arm and turned it slightly, running his fingers over my birthday present to myself.
“I like this.”
“Me too.” My voice was shaky and I tried to disguise it with a small laugh. Of course I had gotten it for me, but I’m not going to lie and say that Gage had nothing to do with my decision on that tattoo. I knew he was gone from my life, but even though nothing had ever come of us, he would always be the man I was in love with. I was sure of it. Over the almost year that we lived together, we’d found plenty of things that we had in common, but looking at the stars that night, followed by those amazing kisses and falling asleep in his arms . . . That constellation was by far my favorite thing we shared. “And yes, I want you around. It’s been . . . different without you there.” Miserable. It’s been absolutely miserable.
He nodded and continued lightly running his thumb over the stars. “I’m sorry I missed your birthday, and I’m sorry I up and left. I’ve missed you so much, Cassidy.”
A strangled sigh escaped my throat and I had to look away again to compose myself. “Why did you leave?”
“You know why. I couldn’t stay there with y’all anymore.”
Right, because I was getting in the way of his relationships. “You couldn’t stay with us? Or just me?”
His jaw tightened and he leaned away.
“It’s fine. I don’t need you to answer that.”
“Cass—”
“No, really, Gage, don’t.” I stood up and walked toward the doors. When I was outside he caught up with me; putting a hand on my shoulder, he turned me around and I stumbled back when I saw how close he was.
“I don’t want to keep staying away from you; you have no idea how much you mean to me.”
Why is he doing this? Why is he always playing with my heart? I wanted to scream at him for leaving me, for making me fall in love with him, for continuing to keep me wanting him like he was right now. But then I figured that was probably what he wanted. He probably loved having girls basically fall over themselves for him.
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. “Can we at least be friends again? I miss talking to you, I miss driving you to work in the morning, I miss our morning hugs . . . I just miss you.”
I tried not to get lost in his scent, or how I finally felt like I was where I belonged for the first time in three months. I didn’t know if I could just be friends with Gage, but anything would be better than the hell that I’d been through without him. I pulled back slightly, and he wrapped a big hand around my neck, reminding me of all those times I’d thought he’d been about to kiss me. “I miss you too, Gage. So much. I would love it if you came around. Do you, uh, is there anyone who cooks for you?”
“No, it’s just me there.” He paused for a minute. “I’m not seeing anyone if that’s what you’re asking.”
Of course that’s what I’m asking! “I wasn’t, but I know how bad you are at cooking. I’m surprised you’ve managed to last this long.” I tried to laugh, but it sounded wrong. “I’ll make dinner for you every night, if you’ll be there. I know Tyler really misses having you live with us; I think he’d like it if you were there.”
“I have night classes on Mondays and Wednesdays, but if you want me, I’ll be there.”
God, I wanted him in so many ways. Ways that I shouldn’t . . . couldn’t. “Then I guess I’ll see you every other night.”
Chapter Eight
CASSIDY
“DINNER WAS GREAT, Cassi, see you on Thursday!” Jake gave me a quick side hug and headed for the door.
“Thanks again, Cass. Can you make your lasagna next time?”
“Sure, Grant.” I hugged him back after letting him see my eye-roll. “Any dessert preferences?”
“Your triple-chocolate cake!”
All the guys moaned and then turned to look at me with the poorest excuse for puppy eyes.
“Please, Cass, you haven’t made that in weeks.” Adam’s bottom lip trembled lamely and I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes again.
“You guys are pathetic. Okay, well since it’ll be our last night together for a few weeks, lasagna and triple-chocolate cake on Thursday. Now get out or help me with the dishes.” I’ve never seen an apartment clear out that quickly. Jerks.
Gage started walking into the kitchen and froze when the door opened suddenly and Ethan and Adam ran back in, grabbed the rest of the peanut butter chunk brownies, and ran back out the door. Gage chuckled softly and stepped up next to me. “You washing or drying tonight?”
“I dried last night, I’ll wash tonight.”
He picked up a dish towel and stepped to the side as Tyler walked in and gave me a peck on the cheek. “Good dinner, babe, do you need any help in here?”
I raised an eyebrow and stopped scrubbing the pan. “Did you want to do the dishes?”
“Err, uh . . . I’m gonna go check the score of the game.”