From Ashes (From Ashes #1)(32)

“Cassi—”

“I’m serious, I just . . . I just need to be alone right now.” I moved out of his arms and went to our room, curling into a ball on the bed. When Tyler opened the door I spoke before he could. “Please, Ty. Just leave me alone for a while.”

After giving me a kiss on my forehead, he turned and left the room.

“SWEETHEART, COME ON. Get dressed, let me take you out to lunch or something.”

I sighed deeply and wrapped the pillow closer to my chest. “I’m not hungry, Ty.”

“You need to eat, you’re losing too much weight.”

“I’m fine.” No, I wasn’t. This couldn’t be normal, not that anything between Gage and me had ever been normal. Not the sudden love I felt for him, not how I felt like I couldn’t breathe unless he was near me, and especially not how I’d slipped into a “zombified version of myself,” as Tyler liked to call it. I stopped doing Saturday shifts, but other than that I still went to work and continued to cook dinner for Tyler and the guys. When I wasn’t doing either of those two things, I was curled into a tight ball in bed, trying to ignore the intense pain of Gage ignoring me. It had been another three weeks since he’d moved all his stuff out, making it a month and a half since I’d seen or heard from him. Tyler still saw him at school, and I was glad that their relationship hadn’t suffered as well, seeing as they were still doing their Saturday-morning breakfasts at Kerbey Lane.

With a huff, Tyler walked out of the bedroom and shut the door behind him. Four hours later, I was just starting to think I should get up and start making dinner for him when he walked back in. His long strides were determined as he made his way to the bed; lifting me up into his chest, he slammed his mouth down onto mine.

I started to protest, but my heart was so shattered, I could barely find the will to turn my head away. “Ty—” I finally managed, but when I opened my mouth, he forced his tongue to meet mine as he laid me back down, his body following.

“Damn it, Cassi,” he growled against my mouth when he realized I wasn’t kissing him back. He pulled away slightly and searched my eyes, pain filling his. “What do I have to do? I’ve loved you since we were kids. What do I have to do to make you love me too?”

“I do love you, Tyler.”

He shook his head. “Not like that, Cassi, I want you, all of you. I want you to be mine, I want to take care of you in every way possible for the rest of our lives. Can’t you see that?”

I just continued to stare into his brown eyes, unblinking.

When I didn’t say anything, he let his head drop into the crook of my neck and sighed. “I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep waiting for you to see me the way I see you. I kept—I kept hoping one day you would get it. But I see that’s not going to happen. I’m sorry, Cass, but I can’t do this anymore.”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“This, Cass, all of it. Living here with you, only being your friend. I can’t keep doing this. I want all of you, or nothing at all.”

“What?!”

“You ne—”

“I thought you were my friend!”

“I am, damn it, Cassi, haven’t I always been that? But I’m tired of just being your friend! I can’t keep doing this with you.”

“Tyler—” My chest was heaving up and down quickly. I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack. “How can you do this to me? I can’t lose you, you’re all I have!”

“Then don’t f*cking lose me!”

“That’s not fair, I’ve never thought of you like that, Ty, and Gage—” Tyler’s eyes narrowed and darkened at the mention of his cousin. “You know what he meant to me!”

“Why can’t I be that for you? At least I won’t make you destroy yourself like he has from the heartbreak he’s caused you! So decide, Cass, right now. You’re with me, or you leave.”

My jaw dropped and I couldn’t stop the tears that escaped my eyes. Why was he doing this? How could he do this after all these years? “You’re breaking my heart right now!”

“And you think you haven’t broken mine? How do you think it felt that after years of being there for you, taking care of you and loving you—you took one look at Gage and you’re ready to give your heart to him.”

Words escaped me for a few seconds and my head quickly shook back and forth as I floundered for the right thing to say. I couldn’t lose Tyler. He was my rock, and with Gage gone, he was back to being all I had left.

“Let me love you, Cassi.” His voice went soft and low. “Let me be who you need.”

“Ty—” I cried, and shook my head once more, and instantly his features hardened as he started to push himself off me and the bed. Oh God, no. I realized right then I’d do anything—just as long as he wouldn’t leave me too. I grabbed his face and held it just inches from mine. He’d been the only reason I’d stayed in that house all my life, and he’d been the only reason I’d survived it as well. I did love him, more than I could ever explain to anyone. I owed him my life. But he was right, it wasn’t in the way he was describing his feelings for me. Could I love him in that way too? No one got me like Tyler did. Our relationship, however weird it may have been, was the result of leaning on and loving each other for most of our lives. He knew exactly what I needed and always made sure I was taken care of before himself, just as I did the same for him. I took a shuddering breath in and let my gaze fall from his eyes over his face and to his wide shoulders. There was no doubting he was attractive, I’d always thought that, but now that I was trying to look at him differently, I realized he wasn’t just attractive. He was sexy. His entire body screamed raw masculine beauty and I felt my heart kick up as I studied the parts of him I could see. His piercing eyes were so dark right now that they were almost black. They were hidden behind thick blond lashes that matched his shortish, unkempt dirty-blond hair, which I’d always secretly loved. His strong nose led down to his mouth, which was full but not too full. More like it had a constant perfect pout unless he was giving one of his heart-stopping smiles.