Forever for a Year(98)

After I parked at the party, I texted Betsy Kwon and she texted back before I even got to the front door. I felt a little slimy texting a new girl five minutes after breaking up with Carolina … but I still didn’t stop. I only stayed at the party for an hour. I was texting Betsy the whole time. She eventually texted:





BETSY KWON


I have a taste for froyo That was a signal, wasn’t it? It was. Damn. She was aggressive. I liked it. I texted:





ME


me too





BETSY KWON


Pick me up?





ME


Okay ;)

And then she texted me five emoticons that made me laugh. Everything about Betsy Kwon made me smile and feel good. Well, everything except that I thought I was stabbing Carolina in the back. But we were broken up. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. We were broken up. I didn’t cheat. She did. Right. Yeah.

*

I picked up Betsy, we went and got frozen yogurt, and then we drove around and ate it in the car. Then we parked in the movie theater parking lot but didn’t go in. Then she got quiet. She looked at me very directly. Man. She wanted me to kiss her. She didn’t leave any doubt. So I kissed her.

And … I thought about Carolina the whole time.

*

We stopped after a bit. I think she would have done more stuff, but, I don’t know, I didn’t feel that horny. I know that’s … I just didn’t. So we drove around some more. It was a lot of fun. Betsy was such an awesome girl. So nice and funny. I know I’ve said this a lot. But, God, I just needed that. I didn’t need a soul mate or love or any heavy crap. I just wanted to laugh and not think too much about how serious life could get.

*

I dropped Betsy off pretty late and we made plans to go see a movie the next day. It felt so strange and weird to make plans with a different girl than Carolina, but I think it was good. I think if I didn’t make plans I would have called up Carolina and made plans with her. I’d probably think about Carolina during the movie with Betsy tomorrow. But that didn’t feel wrong. Not like when it was the opposite. Because I loved Carolina. Man. I did. But I didn’t want to go out with a girl I loved anymore; I wanted to go out with a girl I just liked.

*

When I got home, my mom was sitting on the couch in the living room reading her Kindle.

“Where’s Dad?” I asked.

“Asleep.”

“Why are you up?”

“I like this book.”

“Okay.”

“How was your night?” she asked. Which was weird. She usually didn’t ask.

“Fine.”

“Why was it just fine?”

“Why are you asking questions?” I asked. Like, with attitude. My mom and I had ignored each other for months and now she was curious?

“I’m sorry,” she said. Which made me feel like crap. I’m an *.

“Carolina and I broke up.”

“I’m sorry,” she said. “Do you want to talk about it?” What the hell? Why was she being so nice and normal? I couldn’t say yes. I just couldn’t. It would have been too easy on her.

So I said, “Why’d you cheat?” because that question was anything but easy.

She put down her Kindle, looked right at me, didn’t say anything for a while but I could tell she was thinking some massive thoughts. So I waited. Then my mom finally said, “Sometimes you run to something new because it’s easier than sitting with something old.”

Man. Man. I mean, it’s like she knew everything, right? She, my mom, she basically just explained … Never mind. I just said, “Okay,” and nodded.

“Do you want to talk about it more?”

I said, “No,” because I just had to. But then I said, “Maybe tomorrow.” And then I started walking toward the stairs to go to bed.

“I’m proud of you, Trevor,” she said, which made me turn around.

“Why?” I said. With attitude.

“For being real.” And she smiled, then picked back up her Kindle. That was the goddamn best thing she had ever said to me. Crap. Just like I was tired of loving Carolina, maybe I was tired of hating my mom. Maybe.





87

Carolina doesn’t cry

I threw away the sandwich Trevor bought for me. It felt wasteful. I know. But I wanted to eat dinner with my dad, not eat a sandwich alone that my ex-boyfriend paid for. EX-BOYFRIEND. Oh my … but I didn’t cry. I just imagined I did. I think in a movie, the girl would cry. Then the audience would feel sorry for her. But this wasn’t a movie. It was just me, and I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself.

My dad picked me up at the sandwich shop, and we drove to a sushi restaurant in Northbrook. I told him everything that had happened from the time I told him I never wanted to see him again. (Well, I left out the sex stuff and almost being pregnant.) My dad listened better than he ever had. Then he said the best thing.

He said, “I don’t think the Carolina and Trevor story is over.”

“Really?” I said.

“My gut says it’s not.”

“Mine too,” I said. Except I didn’t know if that was my gut or my hope, and I didn’t know how I could tell the difference. Then I said, and I don’t even know why I said this, maybe because I wanted to say something nice to him, “I think Mom would take you back.”