Forever for a Year(69)

Turns out I worried for nothing. When Carolina’s parents walked in, all four adults stood up, shook hands with sort of fake smiles, then sat back down. I didn’t notice one look between my mom and Scott.

Lily said, “This is all so exciting,” and everyone laughed because she’s the best. Carolina and I sat next to each other, but we didn’t say much. All I could do was hope my mom didn’t start acting like she’d rather be dead than at dinner with strangers. Carolina had this strange smile frozen on her, like she couldn’t decide what she was feeling, so she would just grin through everything. After the adults talked about “how wonderful it is that we found first love” and what to order for appetizers, Carolina’s mom said, “Ashley, Scott says you two knew each other in high school. What an amazingly small world we live in.”

“Oh, of course … from Midnight Dogs, right, Scott?” my mom said, but with a very blank face. Almost too blank. She’d smiled when I first told her that Carolina’s dad remembered her. Now she was acting like she didn’t care. Like it was nothing. I didn’t need her to smile and act excited, but I needed her to not act like it was nothing. I hated when my mom did this. So aloof and snobby, like she thought she was too good for someone. I wished, when she acted like this, that my mom would remember that if she was so goddamn perfect she wouldn’t have tried to kill herself.

After we ordered, Lily asked, “Mr. and Mrs. Fisher, do you think Trevor and Carolina are soul mates? I do. But I’m only seven, so I’m not as old as adults.” The Fishers laughed, of course.

Carolina’s mom said, “I am happy they found something special, but I think they are very young.”

Then my mom, who had been stone-faced quiet for twenty minutes, said, “But, really, does it matter that they are young? Are you any more sure Scott is your soul mate at forty-six than they could be as teenagers?”

“Ashley,” my dad said, trying to shut her up. Which he should have. Because Mrs. Fisher was red-faced. But I also liked what my mom said. I’ve always thoughts kids knew just as much as adults. We just don’t have the power to do anything about it.

“Maybe you’re right,” Carolina’s mom said. You could tell she would rather slam her head into the table than get into an argument with my mom.

Then Scott said, “How about this answer, Lily. Yes, I think they are soul mates. But I don’t necessarily think that means we only have one soul mate.” And then, I swear I f*cking saw this, he looked right at my mom. For, like, the shortest glance ever. Then he leaned over and kissed his wife on the cheek. But I saw that look. I saw it. I know I did. And it meant something. I’m not sure what it meant, but I’m sure it meant something and I’m goddamn sure it meant something horrible.





55

Carolina gets a Christmas present

So the dinner with our parents was a huge, amazing success. Just amazing. This is going to sound weird, but it almost felt like Lily was our child and they were the four grandparents. I know, that’s crazy, but Trevor and I were so mature. We really were. I know I used to say how I wanted to act mature but deep down I knew I was still immature. Then I was bored of trying to be mature, but now it was just who we were and I loved what we were more than ever. Other kids looked at us like this super-experienced couple. Girls would ask for my advice on love and relationships. Boys didn’t really ask Trevor because boys are always afraid of asking questions, but you could tell they respected him for having a serious girlfriend so fast. Really.

Anyway.

So for Christmas, which Trevor and I celebrated on the morning of Christmas Eve, I bought a picture frame that said TOGETHER FOREVER and put a photograph of us from our date downtown at the Metropolitan Club since that was my favorite date ever. On the back, in Sharpie, I wrote, Merry Christmas to the love of my life —Carolina. Then I hid a sexy picture of me just in a towel after a shower behind the real picture. I printed it in black and white and tried to make it as artistic as possible. I also gave him a card that said how much I loved him and talked about how I could never have imagined I would have the most amazing boy ever as my boyfriend. It was really nice, and I meant every word. I told Trevor he didn’t have to get me a Christmas present because he had bought me that dress at Saks Fifth Avenue, but I don’t think I meant it because after he opened my present, he said, “You told me not to get one.” And this huge hole exploded in my heart and dropped into my stomach, but then he laughed.

“Why are you laughing?” I screamed.

“Because of course I got you a Christmas present, Carolina.”

Then I leaped into his lap even though I didn’t even know what the present would be. He reached under the couch and pulled out two boxes. One big. But not clothes big. The other small. Like jewelry small. (OH MY GOSH, IS HE GOING TO PROPOSE?) I asked, “Which should I open first?”

“The big one.” So I tore open the wrapping paper, then pulled open the box, and peeled back the tissue to find a notebook. It was leather. Nice leather. On it, in black Sharpie just like I’d used on his card, Trevor had written, The Story of Carolina and Trevor. And, oh my gosh, I got butterflies in every molecule in my body, and I opened to the first page. It said, “On the first day, she gave him two pieces of paper…” And there was a sketch, like a really, really, really good one, of a girl’s hand laying two pieces of paper onto a desk.