Driftwood Lane (Nantucket #4)(82)

There were so many things he should’ve done differently, so many things he would do differently, if only he had the chance to do them over.

He pounded his steering wheel with his fist. The look in Meridith’s eyes haunted him. Beneath the fury he’d seen something that scared him. A deadness. A numbness that said what he feared most: that Meridith had shut down for good, that it was over between them.

Over before it had hardly begun. I love you, Jake. A fist closed around his heart. Her words teased him, tortured him. It seemed he’d waited so long to hear them, and now she must wish she’d never said them. Wished he had never shown up on her doorstep.

How could he have hurt the woman he’d come to love so much? And the kids had not helped matters. Noelle pitching her fit, Max and Ben . . . they could’ve given her the benefit of the doubt. She’d done nothing but look out for them, take care of them.

But that wasn’t fair. They were just kids, and Summer Place was their home. The blame belonged squarely in his lap. He swallowed hard, but the lump seemed to have taken up permanent residence.

He wanted to tell her how sorry he was. How wrong he was. How he’d give anything for a second chance. But she needed time. She was too upset for explanations, and no matter how badly he wanted to plead for forgiveness, she wasn’t ready to hear it.

Tomorrow, he told himself as he turned toward his old apartment. Tomorrow she’d be ready to listen.





Forty-four

“Oh, honey . . . you look awful.” Rita stepped onto her stoop and pulled Meridith into her arms.

Meridith’s eyes filled with tears for the hundredth time in three days. There was a perpetual ache behind her eyes, a permanent lump in her throat, a hollow spot deep inside.

She drew a shuddery breath.

“It’s going to be okay.” Rita rubbed her back.

Meridith nodded, sniffling, but she didn’t see how.

“Come inside and have a seat at the table. I’ll pour you a nice big mug of coffee, and we’ll sort this out.”

Meridith took a seat at the table and folded her arms across the quilted placemat. She was so tired, she wanted to lay her head down and fall asleep. At night her thoughts spun, swirling, pulling her into their vortex. Even when she dozed, her mind still worked in half-sleep mode, and then her alarm went off and she dragged herself through another day.

Rita set a steaming mug in front of her, and Meridith took a sip. “You should hang a shingle outside. The doctor is IN.”

Rita’s wicker chair creaked as she settled into it. “What’s happened since we talked last?”

“Nothing. More of the same. The kids aren’t speaking to me. Noelle and Max won’t even look at me. Even Ben . . .” The little boy’s sad green eyes haunted her, and she blinked against the burn in her eyes. “They hate me.”

“They do not. They’re just angry and confused.”

“It’s been three days. What am I supposed to do? I can’t afford Summer Place. The business doesn’t make enough to support itself, and I can’t run it and have another job too. I can’t afford even the smallest house on the island. There’s hardly any equity and very little in mine back in St. Louis, and I’ve eaten through most of my savings getting Summer Place back into shape. There’s the life insurance benefits, but that money won’t be available for months and anyway, that’s no long-term solution.”

“Sometimes being a parent means making the hard decisions. The kids will adjust to the move. They’re angry now, but once you move to St. Louis they’ll settle in.”

“But what about their uncle?” She still couldn’t bring herself to say Jake’s name.

Rita sipped her coffee and set the mug down. She cocked her head. “You tell me.”

Though her tone was gentle, Meridith knew what she was getting at. “He lied to me, Rita. He got the job under a false identity, and he used that identity to gain access to my home. To my heart. I feel like such a fool! How could I have been so stupid?”

“No one thinks you’re a fool, honey.”

“He came to live there, for heaven’s sake, right under my nose!”

“Why do you think he did that?”

“I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to make me feel sorry for him. Well, I won’t. Maybe he was trying to look out for the children, or maybe he was trying to steal them from me, but that doesn’t excuse his behavior.”

“No, you’re right, it doesn’t. What does he have to say for himself?”

Meridith drew a calming breath, then shrugged. “I don’t know. I have no idea what he says or thinks, and everything he’s said to me is probably a lie anyway.”

“He hasn’t called?”

“I don’t answer.” After picking up the phone twice to find him on the other end, Meridith ordered caller ID. She’d lost count of how many times he’d called.

“How are you going to sort this out when you don’t know the truth?”

“The truth is pretty apparent, Rita.” She ran her hand over her face. “I’m so tired. I can’t sleep, and I keep listening for the children. I’m afraid they’ll sneak out while I’m asleep and go to their uncle.”

“Have they threatened to run away?”