Deploy, Part One (Rawlings #1)(81)

She doubted she meant a single word. She really did, but her emotions were rampant. He had left her sick all night, torn up inside, broken. Saying she could not take it anymore was her self-defense. Her survival. It was her telling him he was not the only f*cking one that felt this shit with Nolan, who lived with the pain.

He stopped then, and turned to face her. “Handle what?” he yelled.

“You! You not making plans. You not letting me in. I’m not doing it anymore. I’ll stand by you till the day I die. If you want to wage war on your family because they give a f*ck about you, fine. I’ll wave your f*cking flag. But I am not baggage. I’m not an issue for you to deal with. I need to know what the f*ck is going on. The plan.”

“You think this is a war?”

She shook her head. “Don’t start. This isn’t about your career. Not now. Not at this moment. It’s about you and me and how you have put your life on hold since the second Nolan vanished!”

He ferociously pointed at his chest. “Because I’m the only one who cares!”

“Bull. Shit! I care, Declan. I care. I owe Nolan everything.”

“Do you now?” he said with a sarcastic flinch of a grin. “Something I need to know about?” he said as it turned into a snarl.

“Yeah,” she said in the same tone. “He told me you were a stubborn son of a bitch and to just give you a second to come ‘round.”

A sardonic shake of his head then a smirk came to him as he opened his truck door. “Yeah, well, he told me he had a ‘take’ on you, and he was keeping it in place until I was right for you.”

“And?”

“You want a tomorrow with me? I can’t f*cking give it to you because the one son of bitch on this planet that has my number that could swear to me this,” he said as he pointed between them, “is not a tragic mistake is missing. And until he’s found. No. I will not f*cking look forward.”

With that he slammed his truck door shut and went to back away. She picked up rocks, slinging them at him, a few actually hit home, but then he was gone.

***

Declan didn’t call, not once. Three weeks later, in the middle of the night a text came in that read: I’m sorry.

She tried calling him back but he didn’t answer. And he didn’t respond to any texts. She knew he was gone then. Heading out on his tour.

A month past that point as she hugged the porcelain god at five in the morning—fighting a stomach virus that had lasted far too many days, one she had called dread, stress, food poising, everything—the idea that a part of him was with her in a real way slammed into her.

Seven tests later she knew it was.

Twenty years old, single, and pregnant, with far too many dark secrets and demons in her past.

Justice stayed in denial for weeks, and even when she came to terms with it, she kept her secret. Her head stayed in her studies and work, only now she studied harder, and worked a little more, planning for the road ahead, a tomorrow.

Dawson had landed her a job at the hospital long before Justice came back to Bradyville. It paid more, had better insurance, and allowed her to have more days off to focus on the last part of school.

Justice had no idea what Declan said to his family before he left months back, but his threat of them staying away from her, and the memory of Nolan must have held some weight. That or they knew him and her were over and the protection of belonging to one of theirs had faded.

She didn’t hear from them. She barely saw them. Sometimes she’d come home and see Boon or Atticus leaving from where they had cut the yard or dropped something off, but it was even more months down the road before either Boon or Atticus really talked to her and it was an odd conversation, about the weather. She knew they were wondering why she had a blanket wrapped around her on warm day as she read on the porch.

The blanket’s purpose was to hide the low riding baby bump that was more than noticeable if not carefully hidden.

No one knew she was carrying Declan’s baby, not even him. Well, her grandmother clearly knew something was up, so did Dawson, but they also knew Justice—she’d talk when she wanted and not before.

“Are we going to talk about this?” Bell asked when they brushed by each other in the kitchen and the undeniable bump made itself known. Bell only asked because if her math was right, they had to be close by now.

“Nothing to say.”

“We need to plan. You need to take care of yourself.”

“I have and I am.”

Bell looked down, then up at her. “Whatever he said he didn’t mean it.”

“Yeah, but did I mean what I said?” Justice asked, walking away. Her hormones were not her friend and hadn’t been for some time. It was the only real complication she’d had, her feelings were a bit too available to her. Which made her think. A lot.

In some way, she got where Declan was coming from when he said it was crazy his family could just move on from Nolan. Forget. About how insane it was for them to be jubilant one instant, and cut off the next.

It felt wrong to her to just give up. To let someone in, only to forget them down the road when it became hard with circumstance.

It felt wrong long before she knew what it was like to be forgotten.

The Rawlings’ had been there in the past when she needed them, and when she didn’t need them, at the drop of a hat.