Deploy, Part One (Rawlings #1)(79)

With each hit she was testing his mindset. She was waking him to the reality that shit happens no matter where the f*ck you are. It’s how you deal with it that matters. Justice had prevailed. Declan felt confidence he had never known her to have before.

~

Justice knew he was taking it easy on her. The maneuvers they were doing were basic, and he was more or less her punching bag, blocking her arms and feet at just the right time, but not engaging.

Pride glinted in his eyes, then he started to coach her. “Block. Again. Move. I could’ve had you.”

He used the same positive but forceful tone that Dawson used with her; only it meant more when it came from him. So much more.

When he said, “Good,” she felt herself swell with satisfaction. The virtual demon became even smaller.

“You don’t want it bad enough,” he taunted. They were both soaked with sweat by then, out of breath, and starting to have too much fun with the hand-to-hand, adrenaline-building combat.

She flung herself on him then, but not in attack mode. Her lips crashed into his and her thighs squeezed him as tight as she could. “I do. I want you more than life,” she said as her hands pulled his lips to her.

Declan froze, you would’ve thought she was holding a loaded gun against his head. Then he narrowed his eyes on her, then looked a bit deeper. Astonishment struck him, then something he had not seen in a long while, hope. He’d recognized the fearless passion they once had.

His eyes sheened as he whispered, “God I missed you,” before his starved kiss touched her lips.

Their clothes were ripped away beats later.

They had loved each other silently before, and they had loved each other fiercely. But they had never loved each other with abandon before.

As his hand glided over her slick flesh, he could have sworn he felt her soul pulsing beneath his touch, a raw power, a heated flame that stood strong in the wind.

“You’re all here,” he panted as his lips moved across her heaving chest.

She lifted his head, made him look her deep in the eyes as she wrapped her legs around his waist and guided him in, “So are you,” she said across a breath. She arched her hips holding his gaze. “I love you so much.”

He stilled inside her, his hand cradled her face as he searched her gaze. “Promise to never let me go, no matter what...” An hour ago he would have begged her to kick him to the curb. He was trapped by his own demons. Justice broke him free once more. Every kiss, the feeling of her palm gliding down his back just before her nails dug in, the way she moved to feel his hands with every thing he could ever desire, had set him free. Outside of his own prison the sensation of unconditional love, the promise no matter what f*cked shit life dealt them made him grieve. He missed them when they were still right there, perfect.

He’d beg her any day to make this promise. Right then, as she silently stared up at him and he felt her body pulling him deeper, clenching around him, her answer was his only lifeline.

“That’s a given, Rawlings,” she said just before her arms pulled him against her, holding on for dear life as they both let go.

Nothing was held back, they were hard, they were soft, and they were silly. They were everything they had not been since she left before. Justice was sure they were more than they ever had been. The boy and girl were left in the past. The scared man and woman were strong and able, ready to stare life in the eye and dare it to break them.

Hours later, when she woke on his chest where they both laid naked across the floor, Declan was swaying his fingertips across her back. When she sleepily looked up at him he didn’t smile. His lips met her forehead as his arms held her against him. “You are my everything...God knew what he was doing when he put you in my path.”

Declan could’ve told her he loved her a million times and it would not have meant as much as those words. It was truth she had known since she was girl...a truth she thought he’d never see at times.





Twenty


Declan and Justice were right as rain. The rest of their problems were still there. Declan was still deploying, and Nolan was still missing. Right before Declan left all hell broke loose. She was positive their families could not have sent him off on a worse note.

Over the years, Declan had drifted from his family. He talked to them weekly but his tone was clipped and the conversation always about Nolan. Three weeks before Declan was to deploy, his dad showed up at their front door.

“We need closure, and you do, too,” Chasen said bluntly, right as Declan opened his front door, wearing nothing but his tags and jogging pants. Sleepily Justice emerged behind him wearing his shirt shocked and a bit embarrassed. Since she had been with Declan, she had begun to play things his way, kept to him and herself. When she was home it was different. The Rawlings were her family, they made up the walls of her life.

“Your brother’s funeral is in forty-eight hours. Be there.”

They were home in six and Declan was anything but grief stricken, he was enraged.

This year, they had pushed the Rally deep into September. The Rawlings planned to use the Rally for the whole family near and far to say goodbye to Nolan. It was a plan Declan had shot down in the past. From what Justice heard from Boon, Declan had a knock down drag out fight with Chasen about the plan last time Declan was home.

If Justice had known, she could’ve done something about it. She knew a side of Declan no one knew. It would’ve taken her time, but she could’ve gotten Chasen and Declan on better terms. She could’ve prepared Declan and her for this. To her, it felt like someone had called the game with bases loaded and no outs. Every week, Providence had some kind of lead. Not all were promising. It was hard to believe a dead man would spur so many false leads, though. There had to be a truth out there that no one was looking for. At least if they were, they were not cluing Justice in on the gig.