Deploy, Part One (Rawlings #1)(83)
She was pissed at Declan. But the fear that he was hurt or worse...it haunted her just the same. More so now than ever. Chasen swayed his head, reading her, and telling her that was not why he was there.
After an odd silence, he slid the letters that were addressed to Declan toward her. “If you send them, he’ll read them.”
Justice arched a brow, doubting as much. Declan had broken his own personal record when it came to ignoring her. His final text: I’m sorry, could have been read a million ways. And not to mention she knew by now, he could have sent something, called.
“You know more than I do,” she said finally.
The glint of surprise in Chasen’s eyes was something she’d never seen in Chasen. “That so.”
“Cut ties,” she said sharply so the emotion would not show.
Chasen’s expression fell. He thought for sure Declan at least had her. The only one he’d bothered to speak to was his grandmother, and it was nothing more than where to send the care packages.
“Whatever he said he didn’t mean it.”
“I’m pretty sure he did,” she said with a smile that was just as angry as sad.
Chasen looked to the side. “I’m worried about you.”
“Why?” Her tone was sharp, and in her mind, rightly so. No one was going to take care of her...or her son. She had this.
“The Sheriff is being an ass and every time he is that Murdock boy lingers a bit too close to you.” Chasen also knew of the shit Tobias and Providence were digging into, even though it seemed far from Justice and more than likely was, it still bothered Chasen.
“Haven’t seen him.”
Chasen nodded stiffly, noticing the glint of fear in her eyes. “Yeah, since that boy managed to get a nasty scar on his arm he’s kept his distance...still.”
Justice paled once more.
Chasen nodded once. Yes, he knew. He didn’t know exactly what Murdock had done, but he could guess. Even if he was wrong, he still knew Murdock hurt her in some way— he nearly broke her and his son.
“Murdock having a tiff with my boys, hanging close to you every time this stuff with Nolan comes up has me uptight.”
Justice dropped her gaze. She could imagine what it looked like from his perspective, but from her point of view, Murdock only got twisted when either Declan threatened to take her away or someone came too close to questioning her father’s death.
Murdock knew she was armed and dangerous, and by now he was bound to know that Dawson was always with her—and she could kill him with her bare hands, without even breaking a sweat.
Chasen leaned forward, dropped his head then drew his eyes up. “Declan said to stay away, and I can respect that, but...I have my own instinct and gut to worry about.”
Justice furrowed her brow.
“Instinct, we all have it. It makes us warriors. Declan blames himself for Nolan being lost because he didn’t listen to it and he blames himself for your ‘mugging’ because he ignored it again.”
Justice sighed, not finding this odd at all. It was fitting with the man she knew, and all his old soul quirks. Like needing his brother to tell him it was okay to plan a tomorrow with a girl...
“I’m worried about you. I want to rent the room out at your place for Boon, have him stay with you.”
Justice leaned back, knowing how this family worked. She wasn’t so sure he was really worried about Murdock, but she knew he was worried about her making ends meet. “I can take care of myself.”
Chasen dropped his gaze. “I know you can.” His stare lifted to meet hers. “He never would have given you a second glance if you couldn’t.”
Her hormones caused her eyes to well, or so she assumed. “You want Boon to stay, fine by me. You can work out the rent with my grandmother, I’m never there.”
Chasen went to speak, then instead offered a shallow nod just before he pushed back from his seat. He stood and tapped his fingertips on the table as he stared forward. “I know they’ve all told you what to expect, and knowing you, you’ve read about it a million times...but no one can explain it—the sacrifice. What you give up for a call you never understand and hate and love equally.”
He stifled a pained smile. “Five boys. My world. And the only one I met before they were months old was Nolan.” He dropped his head. “They let me come home when the doctors said it was done...he was going to leave.” He winced. “So small. He’d been fighting for weeks, and he was still so small.” He paused for a second. “We made it, though. He won his war before he had a chance to really live.”
“Yeah, he did,” Justice agreed.
Chasen took a few steps away and stopped when she said his name, but he didn’t turn. “If I...if in a month or so I happened to call you at some strange hour and ask you to meet at the hospital, will you?”
He still didn’t turn. She watched his shoulders tense, him nod and then walk away in that same tight military stride Declan always used.
Twenty-one
Justice never mailed the letters. They were too precious and had taken her too long to find. Instead, she sent an email to the account he should be checking. “I have Nolan’s letters...be safe, your Justice.”
She hoped it would open a dialogue and that once she heard from him she’d know how to tell him the rest.