Defiance (The Protectors #9)(29)

I was being jacked off by a man.

And I couldn’t think of any place I’d rather be in this moment. I felt Vincent’s heat seeping into my body as he held me tight against him, his free hand splayed across my back. I couldn’t even imagine the picture we made…locked in a tight embrace, me humping his hand as I clung to him like he was my lifeline.

Because that was exactly what he was.

I was thirty years old with a successful career, money in the bank, and a future most men my age could only dream of, but I’d never felt more small and insignificant than I did in that moment. The only thing holding me together was this man.

This man who made no effort to hide how he really felt about me.

This man who’d been so certain he could make me admit something to myself I’d been denying for years.

God, he was right. He was so very, very right.

That was my last cohesive thought as the orgasm shot like a rocket from my balls. Explosions cascaded throughout my body as the pressure in my dick came to a head and I began shooting into Vincent’s hot, tight grip. I wept with joy as the insurmountable relief washed through me and my whole body began to float. I absently wondered if I’d died in that moment because everything I was seeing, feeling, had to be inspired by something greater than myself, than the man in my arms.

I felt wrung out as my knees threatened to buckle. The euphoria continued to blanket me in heat and tingling pleasure as awareness began to return. Vincent was practically the only thing holding me upright and I was having trouble catching my breath. I could feel warm lips pressed against my neck. I felt hot and sweaty all over, but all I really wanted to do was lie down.

That lasted only until I felt my dick being released from a warm, wet grip. Reality returned and I locked my knees so I wouldn’t fall. I felt the moment Vincent either returned to reality himself or realized I had, because he stiffened in my hold and then he was putting space between us. I almost didn’t want to look down at myself, but the temptation was too great. Sure enough, my softening dick was covered in cum, as was Vincent’s tanned hand. All the pleasure leeched out of my system as I realized what I’d done. I let my eyes slide up Vincent’s body. He was still fully clothed, but I could see a wet stain on the front of his jeans and another one on the lower part of his shirt.

Shame crashed over me as I realized I’d come all over him like some teenage boy. I’d had no control, while that was all he’d had.

I didn’t say anything…I couldn’t. I merely tucked my dick back into my pants and then I pushed past him. He might have called my name as I left the kitchen, but I couldn’t be sure. I didn’t care, either.

Because that crippling weight that I’d carried on my shoulders my entire life was back, and heavier than ever. And I had no one but myself to blame.





Chapter 10





Vincent





My body ached, and definitely not in a good way. But I refused to let up on the weight bag as memories from the night before kept bombarding me, despite my best efforts to will them away.

Twelve hours.

Twelve hours ago, I’d done something I hadn’t done since I’d met the boy who’d become my entire world.

I’d come in my pants like I had when I’d been fifteen and David and I had fooled around for the first time.

Since then, I’d learned to control my body and its reactions. Even with David, I’d always been in control of pleasure…his and mine. There were times he’d even joked about it and had made a game of getting me to try and lose it. And while there’d been times I’d come close, I’d never once been in a position where my body had controlled me and not the other way around.

But that was exactly what had happened last night. Nathan hadn’t even been anywhere near my dick. Neither had my own hand, since I’d been using one to get Nathan off and the other to hold him close to me. All it had taken was the feel of his arms around my neck as he’d clung to me, whimpers bubbling up from his throat as he’d whispered my name, and the sensation of his cum hitting my body as he’d shattered into a million pieces. I’d come at virtually the same time, though I doubted he’d noticed since he’d been so caught up in his own orgasm. A fact I was grateful for.

What I wasn’t grateful for was the look of shame I’d seen in his eyes. I might have forced him to face the truth about himself last night, but he certainly hadn’t accepted it.

After he’d left the kitchen, I’d started to follow him…to do what, I had no idea. But then my common sense had returned, and I’d quickly gotten the house secured before I’d gone to my own bedroom to clean up. Once I’d showered, I’d climbed into my bed and pulled the single picture I kept of David from my nightstand drawer, and I’d done what I hadn’t done in years.

I’d talked to him.

And I’d started with an apology. Because despite how incredible that moment with Nathan had felt, that was exactly what I’d felt the need to apologize for. I’d been with plenty of men since I’d lost David, but none had held a candle to him. I’d used most as a standin for him. But David hadn’t been anywhere in my mind the night before…not from the moment I’d pressed Nathan back against that refrigerator.

My watch vibrated, distracting me from my thoughts, and I checked the display. Nathan was up, which was a surprise. I’d expected him to hide out in his room all day. He certainly had every right to. Truth be told, I didn’t want to see him because I was clueless as to what to say. Not to mention, I was afraid I’d want a repeat. Only this time, I’d want it in my bed and I’d want to be deep inside of him when his gorgeous eyes went dark with passion.