Changing Course (Wrecked and Ruined #1)(85)

I snatch my phone off the table, and try to stop myself from dialing her number. Maybe I should call and apologize. And tell her what? That I still can't give her what she wants from me. It's been five f*cking minutes. Nothing has changed. Instead, I dial Caleb.

"What's up?" he thankfully answers. It's Saturday night. There was no guarantee he wouldn't be in the middle of banging his way through the female population of Chicago.

"I need a drink."

"I'm kind of busy, can we do it tomorrow?" I hear a woman's voice in the background. Obviously, I was right about his activities tonight.

"Jesse left."

"To go where?"

"I called her Sarah and she bolted. I'm pretty sure we're done. I need to get drunk, or I'm going to end up destroying my apartment. You in or not?"

"Shit! I'm about twenty minute away. Want to meet at the bar?" he says as the woman begins to whine in the background.

"Sounds good."

"Hey, what did you say to her after you called her Sarah?"

I let out a loud sigh, "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

"Fuck, you're an idiot. I'll be there soon."

"Thanks," I reply but he already hung up.



TWENTY MINUTES later I sit at the bar relishing in the burn as Jack Daniels slides down my throat.

"She loves you, what the hell are you doing sitting here with me?" Caleb asks when I finish telling him the whole story. Usually Caleb and I would bullshit about work or football, but as much as it pisses me off, he and Jesse are close.

"She left," I say, annoyed.

"So?" he responds like I'm the biggest dumbass in the entire state of Illinois. He's probably not too far off the mark tonight.

"What was I supposed to do? I can't tell her I love her!" I yell, slapping against the bar for another shot.

"And you think that's the only thing that would make her stay? Not, ‘I'm crazy about you’ or ‘I'm f*cked up but I don't want to be with anyone else’?" he says, pulling away the new shot in front of me and tossing it back.

"She knows all of that!" I motion to the bartender to keep the drinks coming. If ever there was a night to get rip roaring drunk this would be it.

"She's not asking for an engagement ring, *. She wants a commitment. She wants reassurance that this isn't temporary to you because it sure as hell isn't to her."

"I have to say your knowledge about how my girl feels is highly disturbing."

"Well, if you two would get your shit together and stop dragging me into the middle, maybe I wouldn't know any of this." I rest my head in my hands and stare down at the bar.

"You think she'll take that? Just a commitment of some sort?"

"Nope." He takes a sip of his scotch on the rocks. "But I do think she would accept a real commitment. None of that ‘some sort’ bullshit. Is that something you think you can give her?"

"I don't know," I answer honestly.

"Then take a few days and figure it out."

"I can't go a few days without her."

"Jesus Christ, open your f*cking eyes, Brett! You're so caught up on the semantics of what a commitment means, you're missing the fact that you've already committed. You spend every waking minute with Jesse. You’re terrified to move on from Sarah, but you've already done it. It's done! Man up and recognize it!" he says, growing more and more pissed.

"Fuck, Sharp! The hard part is done!" he repeats again, pulling out his wallet and throwing money on the bar. "I need to go. If I knew this was going to be a poor-pitiful-Brett party, I never would have left the blonde who was begging me to f*ck her. Get your shit together and say you’re sorry. Just don't f*ck with Jesse’s head. She's a good girl who deserves way more than this bullshit you’re spouting right now."

He heads toward the door, but only gets a few steps before turning back to ask, "You drive here?"

I shake my head but stay focused on my drink as I hear him walk away.

"You alright?" the bartender asks.

"Hell no, but I need the check."



IT'S ONE in the morning when the cab pulls up in front of Jesse's apartment. She lives on the first floor and I can see the light still on through the small rectangular window next to her door. I walk up and gently tap, not wanting to wake Kara. The curtain slides and I see her face peek around the side. Her eyes are puffy and she looks exhausted.

"Go away, Brett."

"Never."

"Fine. It's supposed to be seventeen degrees tonight. Try not to freeze." She flips off the light.

"I'm not going anywhere, so I hope you can deal with my frozen body blocking your doorway in the morning." I try to joke, but I get no response.

I slide down the wall and sit next to her door. The sidewalk is freezing, but I'm not going home without her. "I know you’re still there, gorgeous," I say to the door. "I'm sorry. I know I say that a lot. I'm sorry for that too. Just talk to me."

"I can't do this anymore," she responds.

"Then let me say goodbye to your face," I lie. No way am I saying goodbye tonight.