Changing Course (Wrecked and Ruined #1)(84)

"Just tell me you are not still in love with her," she whispers the words carefully, almost begging.

Seeing her so lost and helpless is my undoing. I stride over to her losing my anger and sheet on the way, reaching out to grab her only to have her swat my hands away.

"Please, Brett. Just answer the damn question. Are you still in love with her?"

The threatened tears finally escape the corner of her eyes. I manage to wrap my arms around her shoulders pulling her to my chest. But she doesn't nestle close. Her arms hang at her side and her eyes are glazed over as she looks anywhere but at me. A steady stream of tears are falling from her face, soaking my arm. She never moves a muscle, not even to wipe her eyes. This might be the worst punishment of all.

I could deal with her being angry. I could deal with her turning into a crazy woman, throwing things around the room. But to look down at this woman who is usually so vibrant and energetic, and seeing her so defeated is more than I can take. I just don't have an answer to give her. Especially not the answer she wants to hear. Am I still in love with Sarah? No. Yes. Fuck if I know.

I do know I'm not going to figure this all out right now. Where is the rewind button, like in that silly Adam Sandler movie? Christ, just let me go back five minutes and say the right woman’s name. A Freudian slip...a Freudian f*cking slip is going to cause me to lose the best thing that has happened to me in four years. And I can do nothing but sit here and try to hold on to yet another broken woman.

"I have to go," she repeats.

Maybe I should let her leave. Maybe if she goes home and sleeps on it she'll forget all about the fact that I called her my wife's name. Shit, I am such a bastard. Who does that? I'll tell you who...Brett f*cking Sharp. Asshole extraordinaire.

I could go into hiding and reemerge a few days from now when she's had a chance to cool off. We can go right back to the crazy sex-filled serious, yet unlabeled relationship we have had for the last few months. Nothing will change. Even my ridiculously hopeful mind knows this is a bullshit plan.

"I really have to go," Jesse finally says, the somber inflection of her words breaking through my thoughts.

"Babe, please. Don't leave like this. Let me grab some beers. We can cook dinner, watch re-runs...whatever you want to do. I'm sorry, just stay tonight. We can figure this out tomorrow." The desperation in my voice does nothing sway her.

"Let me go, Brett."

"No," I childishly reply, hoping that one word is enough to make her stay. See I told you, total dumb ass.

"Let. Me. Go." I know she isn't talking about physically releasing her anymore. I get the sinking feeling that somewhere in this huge crap-tastic misunderstanding she was hoping for some grand gesture or declaration of love. Yet, my silence has spoken more words than everything else I've ever said combined.

So I do the only thing I know to do. I hold her tighter than humanly possible. I can hear her breath catch and her grunt in discomfort, but I know that when I let go she's walking out my door. And just like Sarah, she will probably never come back. Maybe calling her Sarah wasn't so wrong after all.

A minute later, I lean down, kiss her hair, and finally do what I should have done after our first night together. I let Jesse walk away.





Jesse

THIS IS all my fault. This is what I get for falling in love with an unavailable man. The bridge is officially crumbling under my feet, and instead of holding on like I swore I would do, I walked away. But I don't see Brett rushing after me, begging me to stay. He's probably cracking open a beer, and pretending none of this ever happened right about now. He's good at denial. I am too, usually, but I can't stay trapped in that relationship anymore.

I love him. I could have gotten over him calling me Sarah, if he told me how he really felt about me. About us. Brett fought harder to make me stay months ago when we had only been on one date. This time he had nothing to say. He looked at me with no more words than he had emotions. No sun and fog romantic speech. Tonight, I got a hug and nothing but bone chilling silence. He's always says I make his world go silent. So I guess it's a fitting end for us.

I tried to do what my mom, Caleb, and Kara all urged me to do. I tried to give him time. Granted, five months isn't long, but it's all I have to give. It took me half of that to realize I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I knew this was going to be hard. He told me he couldn't commit or make me any promises, but I thought we had moved passed that. We've come a long way since that night by his car when I poured my heart out to him. Heck, we might as well be living together. But tonight said it all. All I've ever done is fight for us. In the beginning I was willing to do that because Brett was fighting too.

Now, as I walk down the cold street trying to hail a cab, I see it all too clear. Sarah is the only woman Brett will ever truly fight for.



Brett

THE PAIN in my chest is unbearable. The noises of the world are swirling around my head. I've now officially failed both of the women who have trusted me with their heart. Sarah might be the broken one, but I'm damaged beyond repair too. I won't be the same after Jesse. There is no way I can put myself out there just to selfishly crush another unsuspecting woman. Why the hell couldn't I just open my mouth and f*cking tell her how I feel? I know I feel...something. I just can't figure out what that something is.