By Your Side(61)

“I didn’t deserve to. I was waiting for him. Autumn, I still remember the day the police showed up at my house to take him from me. One officer had my meth, the other had my son. Do you know which officer I lunged for? I did not deserve to be the first to reach out. But now I know that he wanted to. That he’s been thinking about me as well.”

My throat went tight with that story, reminded me what she had done, who my loyalty was to. I handed her back her things. “I don’t have his address memorized.”

She seemed to know I wasn’t being honest. She held up the letter. “He asked about his dad, too. He needs to know.”

I nodded. “I’ll send it to you after I talk to him.” Or better yet, I’d let him reach out. I had a week to tell him what I’d done, and hopefully he’d take it well and want his mom’s letter. “Do you have a number we can reach you at?”

She nodded and wrote it down on a piece of scratch paper.

I tucked it into my pocket and smiled. “It was nice to meet you.”

“You too, Autumn.”

“And then she said, Owen, you are the handsomest, smartest, funniest guy in the entire universe.”

I looked up from where I had been staring at the menu at Owen’s favorite café. Okay, maybe I’d been staring past the menu. “She really said that?”

He threw the wrapper from his straw at me. “I’ve waited all week and you’re still not really hanging out with me.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. But do you see that?” I pointed to the space above my head.

“No.”

“Well, I feel it. It’s a ticking time bomb. It’s ticking down to the moment I hand Dax his book back with no letter in it.”

“And when will that be?”

“Never? Can I just not ever tell him?”

“The sooner you tell him, the less anxious you’ll feel about it.”

I’d filled my brother in on what had happened. Mainly because my mom told him and my dad the story about the letter and they all wanted context when I got home. Now it was a full day later, and I couldn’t shake the dread of talking to Dax about what I’d done. “I know.”

“Should I take you by his house?”

“No.” I patted my menu. “No, you’re leaving tonight. I have time to talk to him. So finish your story. This girl you were telling me about, she’s obviously very wise if she said all those things about my brother. I approve.”

“She didn’t exactly say them, but I saw them in her eyes.”

I laughed. “I bet you did.”

“And I know she’s the one for me,” he said in a dramatic fashion.

I wanted to laugh again, but I stopped. “You know? Just like that?”

“Well, not just like that, but it was almost that easy. Shouldn’t love be easy?”

“You love her?”

“No, but I just mean the act of falling in love. Shouldn’t it be easy?”

“Yes. It definitely shouldn’t be scripted.”

“Exactly. It’s not something you should have to analyze over and over again. If it’s right, you should know.”

I smiled and shut my menu, looking around for the waiter. “Now you’re the love expert?”

“Always have been, Autumn.”

It wasn’t that I was doubting what I had come to realize at Dax’s mom’s house. I knew I liked Dax. I just wished that Owen had met him. I wanted one second opinion. Everyone else was on Jeff’s side.

The thought of Dax holding my face at the park and saying figure out what you think flashed through my mind. His eyes staring into mine so intensely. I didn’t need other people to tell me what I already knew.

“I know what I think,” I said out loud.

Owen looked up from his menu. “Oh yeah?”

“I like him. A lot.”

“Dax?”

“Yes,” I said.

“And you don’t care about the friend fallout that will occur with that choice?”

“I don’t care.”

He smiled. “Good for you.”

“Regardless of what happens with Dax, Jeff isn’t right for me. I wanted him to be for so long that I looked past the way he made me feel when I was with him—always on edge, worrying what he’d do or say next. I didn’t notice the difference until I met someone who helps me relax.” Now I just needed to make sure I hadn’t ruined everything. And I needed to tell him how I felt. That wouldn’t be an easy task either, to convince the boy who didn’t do commitment that we could be different. I twisted the pink bracelet on my wrist. But I had to try.





CHAPTER 42


On Monday as I grabbed Hamlet off my nightstand, I contemplated for the millionth time what today would be like. The full-length mirror on the back of my door showed me how nervous I felt about what I was about to do. I was about to hand Dax his book back without the letter inside. It was going to be how I started the conversation. Maybe I’d take him to the greenhouse again. Who cares if we had to miss first period? We would talk this out. Then I’d tell him I liked him.

I straightened my green sweater, one of my favorites, and fixed one of my loose waves. Yes, I had put extra care into my looks today. There was nothing wrong with trying to distract the guy while delivering shocking news.