By Your Side(56)

“Where were you born?”

“Kaysville.”

“How old were you when your dad left?”

“Four. Too young to really remember him much.”

“And is that when your mom started . . .” I didn’t want to finish the sentence.

He did for me. “Doing drugs?”

“Yes.”

“No. That was later, when her mother died.”

“And when did CPS get involved?”

He rubbed his thumb over his left wrist. “When I was thirteen.”

“You’re seventeen now?”

“Yes.”

“Was she a good mom before all this?”

“She was the best mom she knew how to be.”

“I guess that’s all any of us can do.” I reached over and squeezed his knee.

“Are you trying to mess me up? Like in the Frisbee throw?”

I smiled, remembering our library competition. “Is it working?”

“We’ve already established you’re a distraction.”

I laid my hand back in my lap. My cheeks hurt from smiling. Dax circled the lot twice, getting steadier with each lap.

“How’s the group home?” I asked.

“Have you ever felt trapped?”

I gave a single laugh. “Yes. I have anxiety.”

“Right.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way.”

“Stop apologizing.”

I stopped. “When I feel trapped, anxious, I think about the times I’m the happiest.”

He dared take his eyes off the dark lot in front of him to level his gaze on me. The intensity in them took my breath away. Then he was focused again out the window. I almost apologized, thinking I had hit a nerve with that suggestion. But I held my tongue.

Dax’s knuckles went white on the steering wheel and I looked out the windshield. Another car pulled into the parking lot at least fifty yards away. He slammed on the brakes, throwing me forward.

“Seriously, Dax. You’re going to kill me.”

“Isn’t that what I’ve been trying to say?”

I laughed as I watched the car in front of us do a U-turn and exit the lot again. I laughed a lot around him, I realized. He made me happy. My insides felt like they were glowing, like I wanted to live in this moment forever. I played with the hot pink bracelet still firmly attached to my wrist and I took a deep breath and spit out, “You’ve definitely been added to the archive the last couple of weeks.”

“What archive?” he asked.

“The happy memories one. The one I’ll draw from in my dark times,” I said quietly.

A smile stole away his hard expression before he wiped it off and pretended I hadn’t seen it. But I had. And it got added to the bank.

“Happy memories can’t get you through everything.” He seemed to be talking from experience. He stopped the car and put it in Park, then turned toward me. “Did I leave my book at the park yesterday?”

“Yes. I have it. I forgot. I’ll bring it to school on Monday.”

“Okay.”

I leaned my head on the seat, staring at him. His eyes held mine. They were intense. I’d never felt so exposed before. Like he was looking into me.

“What?” he asked.

“Thanks for coming tonight. I needed it.”

“Sure.” He ran a single finger along the line of my jaw and I shivered.

“You’re always cold,” he said.

My eyes stared into his. “I’m not cold.”

He was close. Too close. But I didn’t back away. In fact, maybe I had been the one to close the distance between us. I stopped myself from leaning in any closer. I breathed in his breath. Then it was him moving forward, his lips seconds from meeting mine.

“We made a rule,” I whispered.

“Unlike you, I don’t follow rules.” He didn’t give me a chance to respond. His lips met mine and stole my willpower. I pressed closer to him. I tried to move my right hand to his hair but the seatbelt prevented me from getting closer. I searched blindly for the release button, not willing to separate myself from him to find it. He was faster. He unlatched my belt, then pulled me closer.

My hands found his hair, his neck, his shoulders. His hands found my hips, lifting and sliding me across the center console and onto his lap. There wasn’t enough room between him and the steering wheel but that didn’t stop me. My elbows rested on his shoulders as our kiss deepened.

And then a horn sounded, loud and long. I gasped and pulled away. It was me, I realized. My back was pushing on the horn. I laughed, maneuvering myself back into my own seat. Silence filled the air. My lips felt swollen, my cheeks hot.

“You’re in for it now,” I said, buckling my seatbelt again. “Attachment is in your future. I warned you.”

He smiled and opened the car door. When he arrived at the passenger door and opened it for me, I realized we needed to switch places. I needed to drive. How was I going to drive? How was I even going to walk around the car with my wobbly legs? When I stepped out, he didn’t move for me to walk around, though. He pressed me against the car and kissed me again, his warm hands over my ears. I went up on my tiptoes in answer. His warmth poured through my body and I felt like I would explode from happiness. I finally pushed on his chest, breaking the kiss. I was feeling too much, too fast.