By Your Side(40)

CHAPTER 26


After a while, I’d managed to calm my emotions. I was heading back to the house on somewhat shaky legs when I saw Dax standing on the deck, looking out over the yard.

I had to walk by him to go in the house, so I put on my best smile and said, “Hi. I didn’t know you were coming.”

“Me neither.”

I looked around, saw several people from school pretending not to be listening to us. That would probably bother him since apparently he didn’t want people to think he had friends. I gestured for him to follow me and he did. I led him down two hallways and opened the second door on the right. The laundry room. It was empty just like I’d hoped it would be. It was a little cramped, not a great place to escape when I needed an open space, but now it would work, when I just needed privacy. I closed the door behind us.

“Your friends don’t know, do they?” he asked.

“That you were in the library with me? No, I never told them.” I knew he thought I was going to tell the whole school, but I’d kept his secret.

“No. About your anxiety. They don’t know, do they?”

“Oh.” I looked at my palms. “No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want them to treat me different.”

“Why not?” he asked.

I leaned back against the dryer. “Because I don’t.”

“Don’t you? It would be way easier than that.” He pointed at the door, and I knew he meant the scene downstairs, with me barely holding it together.

“No. I know how to manage it.” At least I normally did. Lately I wasn’t so sure.

He didn’t seem convinced either, which meant I needed to change the subject. “So . . .” I tugged on the front of his flannel. “What are you doing here?”

“It was the only way out of the house tonight.”

A hint of disappointment dampened my smile. “Right. Lots of rules at the group home?”

“So many. It would be your dream come true. Rules posted on every surface.”

I smiled. “That does sound like perfect order.”

He laughed, then looked at the closed door behind him.

“Is she going to get mad that you left her?”

“Who?” he asked.

“That girl you came with.”

“Faye? No. But I’ll have to show her my face soon. I’m sure she’ll be making a report tonight.”

“What do you mean? Faye makes reports?”

“She lives at the group home. Mr. Peterson trusts her. She wanted to come here tonight. I needed a change of scenery.”

“Right.”

“What about you? They’re throwing a party, so your boyfriend must be doing better.”

I sighed. “No, he’s not. And he’s not my boyfriend. Maybe he never will be. Maybe he’ll get better and things won’t go back to normal. Maybe he’ll realize that he doesn’t like me at all. That he wants to go live in Alaska or become a circus performer. Maybe he’ll want to be free. Like you.”

Dax didn’t respond to anything I’d said, just thoughtfully nodded. His relaxed attitude unwound my tension. I matched him breath for breath until my mind was clear again.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I wondered if Lisa was looking for me. I pulled it out and read the text. It was from Jeff’s mom.

Jeff opened his eyes.

My chest expanded with joy.

“What?” Dax asked.

People started yelling the news down the hallway outside our door. Dallin must’ve gotten the text too.

“Jeff?” Dax asked.

“Yes, he opened his eyes.”

“That’s great.”

I clasped my hands together, and Dax’s eyes caught on the hot pink bracelet on my wrist. With his long-sleeved shirt on, I couldn’t tell if he was wearing his. I dropped my hands and said, “Yes, it is. Guess I’ll be at the hospital again this week, finding out if he wants to be a circus performer or . . .” I almost finished that sentence with the words my boyfriend but for some reason I couldn’t. Not with Dax staring at me like that.

He nodded. “I better go.”

“Dax,” I called just as he grabbed hold of the doorknob. He looked back at me.

Can I tell my friends we know each other? That we’re friends? Are you keeping me a secret for some reason? “I’ll see you Monday,” were the final words my chicken brain settled on.

He left and I leaned back against the dryer and groaned. The library had been so much less complicated. I straightened up, shook out my hands, and opened the door as well. I nearly ran over Dallin, who was walking down the hall.

“Hey,” I said.

Dallin squinted his eyes and I wasn’t sure if that meant he had seen Dax leave seconds before me or if he was just curious as to why I was exiting his laundry room. Either way he didn’t comment on it, instead saying, “I’ve been looking for you. I thought you left.”

Lisa appeared from behind him. “Me too.”

“Here I am.”

“Did you hear the news about Jeff?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Cool. We’re all going to the hospital tomorrow.”

“All of us?” I asked, spinning my finger in the air to circle his entire house.