By Your Side(37)

“When he wakes up they’ll be able to assess things more. See the extent of his injuries. Come on. You need to see him.”

His eyes were less swollen today, although now that the swelling was down I could see the discoloration around them more clearly. Just like the other day, she left me in the room with him. I sat down, and it was like my body remembered exactly how it was supposed to act in here because it was immediately back on high alert. Stop it, I told my body. You’re fine. Look where he is.

“Hey, Jeff. What have you been up to?” I smiled. “I know, my jokes are getting lamer.” I put my hand on his arm again. “I bet you’re so bored. I mean, if you are aware at all. I should read to you or something. Is that what is customary when a friend is in your situation? It seems like that always happens in the movies. What would you even like to read? I don’t think I know that about you.” If I were honest, I didn’t know that many meaningful things about Jeff. I mean, I knew the same things everyone else who hung out with him knew—he liked baseball and practical jokes and was very smart—but it wasn’t like we’d ever had a deep conversation.

“Maybe I should ask your mom if you have a journal. I could read that to you. Unless you want to object. No?” I sighed. “Sorry, they really are getting lamer.”

I looked back over my shoulder, toward the door. It had been a couple of minutes. I was surprised his mom hadn’t come in to tell me that time was up yet. This was all the time I had gotten before. Maybe longer visits had been approved in the last forty-eight hours. Because he squeezed a hand. I stared at his hand for a moment and then placed my palm beneath it. “Jeff? Can you hear me?” I closed my hand around his, then held my breath as I waited to feel something back.

Nothing.

“There’s a basketball game tonight,” I told him. “Lisa and everyone went. They said to say hi. I’m supposed to go over there after this.”

I traced the red nurses’-call button on the side of his bed with my finger. “Remember when you wanted to try out for mascot and you got that threatening ‘anonymous’ letter that we all knew was from last year’s mascot? And then you walked around telling everyone that you were still going to try out even though it was now life or death for you.” I laughed. “That was nice of you not to in the end. Did you even really want to or had it always been a joke?” These were the kinds of things I should’ve asked him before. The kinds of things that didn’t seem important but now that I was thinking about them, actually would’ve told me a lot about who he was . . . is. These were the things I was going to ask him when he woke up. Why hadn’t I asked him these questions before? I was interested in him. Shouldn’t I have wanted to know everything about him?

“I don’t think I’d want to be a mascot. I’d be too self-conscious in front of everyone like that. You’d make a good timber wolf, though, because I’m pretty sure you love to be the center of attention. And you never seem to worry what anyone thinks. I wonder if the costume is super hot. I’d get claustrophobic. Did you know that about me, that I get panicky in small places? Where don’t I get panicky, though, right?”

That was the closest I’d come to telling my friends about my anxiety. I rolled my eyes. “You can’t count that as telling him, Autumn. He’s in a coma,” I mumbled under my breath.

My stomach let out a large growl and I covered it. My phone said it was seven. I let my eyes wander around, take in each machine, the white walls, the ticking clock. My stomach growled again, so I stood. “I’ll see you Monday, Jeff.”

I sent a quick text to his mom. Yes, I was avoiding her. She would want a progress report and I hated having nothing good to tell her. Mostly, though, I just needed to get out of there.





CHAPTER 24


The music was too loud when I started my car, and it made me jump. I quickly turned it down and drove out of the parking lot and toward the school. Just the thought of the basketball game made my insides twist. I didn’t want to go. It was going to be loud and crowded and overwhelming. I didn’t know if I could handle that right after leaving the hospital. But I told my friends I would, so I knew I had to. I could always leave later.

By the time I arrived at the game it was more than half over. I found Lisa, Avi, and Morgan in the middle of the bleachers, their cheeks painted with a red number 4.

I laughed. “You are all supporting Wyatt? How is he going to choose between you?” Wyatt was the star of the basketball team. I’d taken his picture for yearbook, but outside of that we’d only interacted minimally.

“We’ll share,” Avi said right before standing up and screaming as our team scored two points.

I tried to get into the game, but the gym felt extra packed tonight and louder than usual. It made my chest vibrate and my eyes water.

“You okay?” Lisa asked next to my ear.

I had put my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. “Yes,” I said. “I’m just worried about Jeff.”

“Let me know if worrying works and I’ll jump on board.”

I smiled over at her. “Sometimes I feel like it will.”

She put her hand on my back. “Just think about the milk shakes we’ll be drinking in thirty minutes. Those are the answer to every problem.”

Maybe milk shakes were the answer to every problem, because the second we stepped inside Iceberg, things seemed much better. Quieter at least. I ordered a large chocolate shake and fries. As I sat down with my order, I remembered this was a meal Dax and I had talked about eating upon our escape.