By Your Side(33)

“Remember that, Jeff? The car wash? One of your many brilliant ideas that turned out not to be quite as brilliant as you thought it would. You need to wake up and make me laugh. I had a crappy weekend. Sure, not as crappy as yours, but still.” I squeezed his arm, then dropped my hand to my lap. “You’re going to be fine. Lisa is here too. She came to see you. But she’s not your cousin like I am, so . . .” I sighed. “Jokes aren’t as funny to tell when you can’t hear them.”

It was nice to see him, to hear the beeps that represented his heartbeat, see his chest rise and fall, even though I knew a machine was making that happen. He was alive, and I was grateful for that.

When we walked back into the waiting room, Lisa attached her arm to mine and didn’t let go. Jeff’s mom hugged me and whispered, “Come back soon, please.”

“I don’t want to take family time,” I said.

“No, please.” She squeezed my shoulders a little too intensely. “Let me get your phone number so I can give you updates.”

We exchanged numbers, and I said, “I’ll come back as soon as I can.”

Lisa tugged me away and we were silent as we walked to the car. It wasn’t until we were inside with the doors shut and the engine running that she said, “How was Jeff?”

“I don’t know. Okay, I guess. I mean, he’s in the ICU, so I’m sure there’s a lot of internal stuff going on, but he looked like he could get up and walk out of there if he wanted to.”

“Are you okay?”

I was wondering the same thing, waiting for the tears I’d been holding back to finally come. I kept them in even though my throat and chest hurt. “I think so.”

Lisa nodded and looked over her shoulder to back out of the parking space. When we were on the road, driving toward my house, she said, “That was weird that his mom made you go in there. Like you possess some sort of healing power.”

“I know. Really weird.”

“When are you going back?”

“I don’t know. This week sometime. I need to be there for him . . . and maybe his mom, too.” I sighed. “I feel guilty.”

“What? Why?”

“The same reason you felt guilty when you thought I was in the car with him.”

“Him being there is not your fault.”

I put both my feet up on her dashboard, hugging my knees to my chest. “If it weren’t for me, he wouldn’t have been in the canyon that day. I feel guilty that he might have gone over that cliff thinking that I hadn’t wanted to see him at the bonfire. That I’d gone home instead.”

“Autumn, you got locked in a library. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Maybe not, but I can be there for him now.”

Lisa smiled. “Maybe you really can help him. His mom acted like you were the love of his life.” She shoved my shoulder. “He must’ve talked about you a lot.”

My cheeks went hot and I hid my face against my knees. “Shut up.”

She laughed. “You love it. Autumn and Jeff. It’s so happening.”

An image flashed into my mind, not one of Jeff healed and walking out of that hospital with me, but one of Dax’s eyes, staring at me across the library. I pushed it out. “Yes, it is happening.” It would happen. It had always been what I wanted.





CHAPTER 21


If I could just talk to Dax and make sure he was okay, maybe my mind would stop thinking about him when it wasn’t supposed to. Plus, we were friends now and I was worried about him. I wanted him to sit with us for lunch, hang out with my friends, not be alone. I wasn’t sure he’d get along with my friends, but it was worth a try. I couldn’t find him anywhere at school, though. It was like he had this superpower to vanish off the face of the earth whenever he wanted to.

At lunch, I scanned the cafeteria as I sat with my friends. Not that I’d ever seen Dax there before, but it was worth a look. He wasn’t exactly predictable.

Dallin was making a party-planning list. “What are other foods that remind you of the undead?” he asked.

Lisa held up a carrot stick. “These are sort of undead-like. Fingers or something.”

“I meant good food,” Dallin said.

Avi snatched Lisa’s carrot stick and took a bite. “I heard some girl in my English class talking about this party. How many people did you invite?”

“How many people didn’t I invite is the question.”

The idea of being surrounded by mostly strangers with loud music in a crowded house made my insides tense. “Dallin. I don’t want a party.”

“Well, that’s all well and good, but that’s past decided. I need your input on food now.”

“This sounds like a lot of effort,” Zach said. “Can’t we just bring whatever and call it good?”

Dallin pointed at him. “Yes, I like this plan better.”

Lisa rolled her eyes. “Are your parents cool with this?”

“Yes, I told them I was doing it to celebrate Autumn’s return, and they were fine.”

“Don’t use me as an excuse to throw a party,” I said.

He laughed. “I will use any excuse I can think of.”

“When is this thing, anyway?”