Broken Girl(67)

In those words I pulled out of our hug, shot him a genuine smile.

“Thank you for today.”

He smiled, his eyes glassing over, “I’ll call you tomorro’,” he mumbled before he went around and got back into his car.

I rummaged through my purse before fumbling for the keys to my building.

Fifteen seconds and counting before I left Briggs behind and I started to work on what my next move was. Once I got the door to my building open I turned back and waved him off. I noticed his smile didn’t touch his eyes, and it set loose a sad ping deep in my heart.

The door slammed behind me, a noise I never got used to sending shivers down into my core every time. My phone chimed with a message, I scrolled through all the messages from all the f*cks that were looking for me the last several days. More of the same, Johns I was going to hand over to the girls who fought over my six squares of sidewalk. Winner takes all.

Then my energy changed when I heard someone clear their throat. When I looked up, and saw Shane leaning against my apartment door, my knees gave a little. He was still dressed in his clothes from the funeral.

“Shane.”

“Rose,” he whispered.

“What are you doing here?”

“I couldn’t seem to make it home.”

“So you show up here? How did you get in? How do you know where I liv—Martie.”

I brushed past him thrusting my key into the door.

“Are you here to collect all of Sybil’s things? ‘Cause I don’t have all her things together. Maybe you can come back in a couple of days.”

“Rose, I’m not here for Martie or her family.”

“I need time to finish packing—”

He caught me and pulled me up against his chest. Our eyes met and the storm raged and swirled between our breaths.

“Rose, I’m here because I’ve done everything I had in my arsenal to get through to you. I’m running out of options, this is the only thing I have left.” His eyes twinkled as he spoke.

The slight bounce of his Adam’s apple tickled at my heart as he pulled up my chin the gentleness in his touch, but it was the delicate manner in which he leaned down and kissed the corner of my mouth that had set me on fire for him. His lips begging for the right to ask for more, his soft take-off became a raging flight as his hands pulled me into his chest and his mouth devoured me. His kiss was filled with a collection of every time I pushed him away, every time I sold my body for someone else’s pleasure. Our tongues pierced, swirled and danced as the pressure of his mouth against mine morphed into the ravenous need to consume me.

God, he felt like home. He owned me, taken me entirely with just his kiss. A kiss I haven’t felt before, one that I never gave to anyone else in my entire life. His kiss was so personal, so intense, so intimate, and so foreign to me. A pressure built in my chest, fear rolled into my soul, thunder and lightning cracked through every cell of my body, I wasn’t ready for what he was offering me. His hands danced across my curves, memorizing what he’d hungered after for so long.

My heart crashed against my lungs, and I couldn’t breathe. His kiss cleansed every dirty breath I’d ever taken in my life. I felt his intentions—I knew them as if they were the ink pierced in my flesh. Experiences I could’ve etched in my skin until my story took up every last inch of my pale body. I knew if I lived just below the exterior, just below the disguise he saw then I wouldn’t have to ever deal with all the pain that boiled so deeply. All I wanted to do was scratch the surface of who I was. This entire moment was a mistake. A big mistake.

I pushed Shane back away from me. His arms scraping across my body left me cold as he and his warmth stumbled back from me.

His eyes wide, surprise broke across his expression.

A gaping moment spread between us before I gave him my excuse.

“I’m wrecked, Shane.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am, you just can’t see it. Did you honestly think that kissing me would fix me? Or if you got a chance to sleep with me or see my deepest wounds you’d somehow heal me? Did you really think you could take away a lifetime of anguish? Take a number and stand in the long f*cking line of all the people who came before you.” I turned to go into my apartment. I wasn’t willing to wait any longer and pin my hopes on a man who didn’t know the first thing about a life as broken as mine.

“That’s not—Rose!” He followed me, slamming the door behind him, he grabbed me by the forearms and pinned me between the wall and his body. His face close to mine, his breath tickled against my flesh as he continued in a hushed whisper. “Listen, I don’t care if you’re wrecked, I want to be here for you . . . I love you.”

I pushed back. It was the usual wall I built between people when I knew they had gotten too close. His face grew pale as he shifted his stance closer to me. I could see in his hickory colored eyes that he knew he was in deeper than he anticipated. So I pushed, like I always do, hoping he’d back away.

“You don’t love me, so don’t stand here and tell me you do.” I slammed my hand against his chest, hoping he’d stop as I continued to verbally assault him. He didn’t budge. “Did you honestly think you’ve got the ability to save me from all the f*cked up uncivilized I’ve lived with every day of my life? There’s nobody who can take away the despicable actions of others, the deeds are already done. I’m every last wicked scar those repulsive f*cks left on me, I’m the woman who will never be able to give enough back to you, I’m the empty veins of that dying tree, nobody gives two f*cks about.”